Fear of failure

Time for some brutal honesty.

If you decide to be a teacher or an accountant or a lawyer or a doctor or a construction worker or most jobs in this country, you have a clear order of operations to make that happen. You go to school. You get an entry level job. You work your way up. You have a career.

It doesn't work that way for screenwriters. There's no prescribed degree that will qualify you for the job. There's no entry level position from which to work your way up. You have to wave your arms to get noticed, and then you have to hope that what you offer is what someone else is looking for.

I've been writing since I figured out what a pencil was, but here I am, a full-grown adult, and still not a paid writer.

Sure, I've been validated. I know I don't suck. I've been repped and won a highly rated contest and met with producers who tell me how much they like my writing. But that doesn't make me a professional writer. It makes me a talented hobbyist.

It's so easy to get demoralized. Half the time, you have no idea why you've been rejected, so you start to second guess everything. Did they think I was a comedy writer? Is it because I'm a woman? Are they looking for something more commercial? Do they not like my snazzy writing style?

Or the worst one of all, the one we all have to face down at regular intervals: What if I'm not as good as I think I am?

What if you're the kid at the American Idol audition who talks about how amazing he is, then opens his mouth and wails like an angry goat? What if every person who ever told you that you were any good was just trying to make you feel better, or trying to make you shut up, or had no taste themselves, or was making fun of you? What if you are just wasting your time?

You could throw in the towel and go back to looking for a job where your resume and an interview are all you need to get hired, where you won't be told constantly how amazing you are by people who won't hire you. It would be so easy.

People do it every day. They leave Los Angeles and go back home, often swearing to return once they've gotten their shit together. But they almost never do. Most people take one shot at this, and when it's over, they fold up their tent and get an office job.

I think about it sometimes. I was a good teacher. I didn't hate teaching. What if I just went back and made it my career and stopped trying to be something else? That wouldn't be so bad.

But I'm not there yet. I still think something is around the corner.

I've wanted to be a writer my entire life, so every time I think about throwing in the towel, I think of Little Me and what she'd say. She'd tell me to shut the fuck up and get back to work on the next script, because Little Me apparently had a foul fucking mouth.

So for now, as I seek new management, I put my latest script, Nobody Lives Forever, up on the Black List site. I'm very proud of this one. It's an action script with a white male 30-something lead and a strong hook with an emotional core. It's got bromance and fight scenes and a female villain. I believe in it. It's probably the most sellable thing I've ever done. And while I wait for the downloads and the reads and whatever they may bring, I'm going to keep working on the next thing.

Because I'm not ready to give up, no matter how many times the bastards try to get me down.

Hit List / Black List 2012

It's list season!
Not long ago we had a Young and Hungry List, a list of writers who are new on the scene and show a lot of potential.

In October we had the Blood List, a list of great specs from this year that had blood all over them. And by that I think they mean horror and thriller. I'm still not 100% sure what the Blood List is because it's not just horror. But I know that it's never going to apply to me, so I don't pay it much mind.

Monday is the big one - the Black List. Not to be confused with BL 3.0, the website where you can upload your script, the original Black List was created when producer Franklin Leonard sent around an email to just about everyone he knew in the Industry asking what scripts they liked the most this year. He compiled the results into a list, and pretty soon it became a thing. So the Black List is the papa bear of lists. If you're on it, that puts you on a new level. It means your script was one of the most passed around works of the year. It's the ultimate in validation that doesn't involve your film actually being made. Because I think all of us would ten times rather have the movie actually made than have the script be on any kind of list. But I digress.


Here's the 2012 Black List.*

Friday, the Hit List came out. What the hell is the difference between the Hit List and the Black List, you may ask? The Hit List is all specs. So while the Black List may have studio assignments, sequels, etc, the Hit List is only scripts written by a writer hoping for a sale or an option. You're more likely to get new writers on this list, and you're less likely to have to compete with Aaron Sorkin. BUT many of these scripts will also appear on the Black List.

Here is the link to the 2012 Hit List**. Enjoy!







*I am not on it.
**I am on it.

Black List 2011

As you all have probably heard, The Black List is out today. I've only read a few of these, but I'll gladly use these scripts as a distraction from the expository essays I'm supposed to be grading over winter break.

It's weird how stuff trends. Not only have we had a surge in fairy tales, but we had a wave of Snow White, a wave of Peter Pan, and now, apparently, Pinocchio.

Zombies are still in the fight, but they've gotten more complicated. Gone are the days when you can write a script about a group of people fighting off a zombie horde. Now your zombie spec needs a gimmick. John Scott III found something new with his drama script Maggie, which I really enjoyed, and there is also a script about a group of people who make a deal with a vampire to protect them from zombies. I don't know how anyone can improve on The Kitchen Sink, but I'm willing to give it a read.

Lots of assassins. There are always lots of assassins. I wonder if real assassins read about these movies and shake their heads.

I think they're now legally required to put Tarantino on the list.

If I'd realized what Father Daughter Time: A Tale of Armed Robbery and Eskimo Kisses was about I'd have read it sooner, but I never saw the second half of the title so I thought this movie was about a dad taking his daughter to a baseball game or something. Now I plan to read it.

Other scripts I'm most looking forward to reading: Chewie, Blood Mountain, Desperate Hours, The Slackfi Project, Sex Tape, Flashback, The Hitman's Bodyguard, and 77.

What are your thoughts on the list?

A bit of stream of consciousness

I just finished putting together a literary terms test and I am pooped. I'm still very excited about The Black List. I have to put grades in on Thursday but I can't stop reading. Today I read The Kitchen Sink - holy crap that shit was hilarious - and then started to read Everly, which is way more serious and kind of jolted me back into frowny land. I didn't finish because I had to run a department meeting.

Oh yeah, someone let me run a department meeting. I felt very important for a whole hour.

Anyway, I came up with a new story idea today. I've tried three times to write a script inspired by my job and never been able to crack it, mostly because I tried too hard. I set out to write a script about teaching, so the story wasn't organic. Today I kind of accidentally stumbled into a story that just so happened to use my knowledge. So hopefully this idea will stick. I'm not sure if I'll do it next, or the historical piece I've been researching. Either way the next piece will not be a comedy.

I'll kind of miss that. I've really enjoyed embracing comedy. For a long time I resisted it because I was afraid I'd suck, but it turns out I'm not so bad at it.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to finishing Everly. Then I'm going to dive into Die in a Gunfight, What Happened to Monday?, Gangster Squad, The Escort, Murder of a Cat, and Looper.

For the record, I do not have any of these scripts because Fox would sue me if I did. I am reading them through the power of my psychic mind. If you would like to read these scripts, I cannot help you. Especially if you're someone I've never even spoken to before. I am not being sarcastic. If we have never exchanged words, do not email me asking for scripts. How would you like it if I showed up at your house and threw a mug in your face demanding coffee?

Anyway, I've got three weeks of vacation, but I also have to research material for my historical story, rewrite Nice Girls, do homework our boss just assigned us, prep for a big project I have to teach in February, and at some point get a massage so I can get these shoulders off my earlobes.

Some people vacation. I get shit done.

Black List 2010

The day has finally come.  The Black List is out.

I've only read a few of these, but The Kitchen Sink was already next on my list. Looks like we all have a lot of reading to do over the vacation.

I think this is a really encouraging list. A lot of these scripts are creative ideas or genre mix-ups, no real Sorkins or Tarantinos. We're headed in a good direction here.

Franklin Leonard on The Black List

There are two events an aspiring screenwriter looks forward to all year: Nicholl quarterfinals, and the publication of The Black List.

Since this year's Black List is nigh upon us, I'm reposting this video that Scott at Go Into The Story posted, and that a few people on Done Deal have been talking about. It's Franklin Leonard, founder of the Black List, talking about its inception. It gives a nice look at how things work on the inside.

All executives want is something good to read.

Thoughts on Benjamin Button, Johnny Quest and Felon

The Beefcake and I went to see Benjamin Button finally. Holy frijoles, what a brilliant piece of film. I have the bladder or a tiny little bird, yet after drinking a large limeade at the taco stand, I didn't have to pee once during the 3 hour movie. That's how good it is.

I cried so hard I started hyperventilating, but silently because you can't be wailing at the top of your lungs in the middle of a sold out theater. But the lady next to me was totally crying too, and the Beefcake - well the Beefcake is just too manly to cry. He had some allergies or something.

Lots of stuff has already been said about Benjamin Button, but I just wanted to point out one thing that made it work so well: theme. Every single moment of this film was reflective of the theme of age and time. It was about opportunities lost and won, chances taken and not, fear that we've missed our lives, fear of death. It all goes back to watching time pass and there is not a frame of film that doesn't explore the idea of time slipping away in one way or the other. I don't think I've ever seen a film so steeped in theme before. Yet it's not preachy. Nobody ever turns to the camera and says, "Hey you, don't waste your time." It's all implied, and implied beautifully.

I also read the screenplay for Johnny Quest this weekend. It was on the Black List, but I found it kind of a generic script. Dan Mazeau wrote some terrific action scenes that race all over the world as the characters collect each other and investigate the great mystery at hand.

The problem with the script is that the action scenes are all it has going for it. The script felt like it was jumping from one badass sequence to the next and paying lip service to the plot just enough to get us to the next kickass fight. I know this problem. I've had this problem many times, but nobody has paid me a bazillion dollars to do that in an adaptation of a loved cartoon.

As a result of this shell of a story, I didn't feel like I got to know the characters very well. They seemed pretty uncomplicated. I actually think this could easily have been an extended episode of the show, not a feature length film.

I also watched the film Felon, a straight to DVD movie starring Stephen Dorf and Val Kilmer and Harold Perrineau. According to the prison guard I watched it with, it's the most accurate prison movie he's seen so far in his life. It won't win any Oscars, but the film does a terrific job of letting us sympathize with the bad guy. We don't like what he does, but we understand why he does it and that's enough to make this an engaging film.

So there you go. One for the theater, one for the DVD player, one to maybe not read.