It's called Coulrophobia and it's a real fear. Greg probably thinks it's funny. Greg can get bent.
Krusty does not frighten me. Pennywise makes me scream in terror.
I will cross the street to avoid walking past a grate in the curb because that creepy bitch is not going to grab my leg and rip it off like he did that little boy's arm. No we do not all float down here, you fucking psycho.I thank my lucky stars nobody at the party dressed as a clown Saturday night or I'd have had to hide in a corner and cry all night. Really, I'm not kidding. I think it's the idea of a fake smiley creature trying to seduce little children with candy and balloon animals. Screw that. Evil fuckers.
My students can't know this. You can never show them your weakness. So today when a student drew an evil clown on my board at the end of yearbook class I had to pretend it didn't bother me. I didn't look at it directly, just cheerfully told him to erase the board as soon as he drew it so that I wouldn't have to clean it later. Then I turned around to shut down the computers and one of them has now been evil clown wallpapered. I looked at the evil clown. He looked at me. I looked at the ceiling as I switched the screen to tulips. Ahh, tulips. Beautiful, nonevil tulips. You are all that is holy and good in this world.
Did this get around Triton at one point? I feel like I've heard this about you before...
ReplyDeleteI have a severe phobia much like yours of snakes. It's something I try to keep to myself so that it won't be used against me. I've had numerous traumatic events since the age of three involving snakes, and now I have to have my friends cut the snake pictures out of my biology books so that I don't throw them across the room shrieking if the page happens to open on them. Right after I had my spinal cord injury I dreamt that snakes got caught in my wheels and I couldn't escape. It was terrible.
It's embarrassing. And sad. I can definitely relate though!
clowns = creepy
ReplyDeleteyou = funny
Emily, as a former teacher myself, I know you don't have to SHOW students your weakness -- they can SENSE it.
ReplyDeleteThey know. You're in trouble. Good luck.
David
Yeah, this got around Triton. My first year teaching I wasn't so careful. I've learned. Fortunately nobody did anything that bad with the information.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone tries to use the clown fear thing against you - arrange a "clown shoot" at your school and let the kids know you can shoot a clown in the face (or anywhere else) if you have to...a visual aid to teaching if you will.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post, Emily. It reminded me of Poltergeist. I single this film out for the rampant clown phobia exhibited by our generation, even though the creature in that film was a clown doll.
ReplyDeleteFemale clowns are interesting to me though. You rarely see them, but when you do, they never eat small children. It's always the male clowns who exhibit sociopathic behavior and tarnish the clown image.
Anne Archer's character in Short Cuts would be a rare example of a benign, even sexy clown. Of course, you would probably run her down too just out of self-defense.
Look Em -
ReplyDeleteIn China - blogger is watched carefully and wouldn't let me comment on this wonderful post.
But here's the thing.
The best way to get rid of a fear is confront it head on. And while my week long clown embargo still holds... It will be ending soon... :)
And come on. Even bad clowns need a hug...