Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Next on A&E's Obsessed: Keyboard Dusting

The cat and the dog in my house, while both short-haired animals, both shed like a motherfucker. The cat frequently tries to help me come up with ideas by hopping in my lap and blocking the keyboard, I guess so he can type what he thinks is the best line of dialogue. This is why I constantly find pet hair in my keyboard.

And that's where the obsession began. Pet hair in the keyboard.

But do you know lint also gets in there? And sometimes food particles? And every now and then unidentifiable debris?

To deal with this unacceptable phenomenon, I dust. Frequently. Obsessively. You know that canned duster stuff? I'd buy it in bulk, but I'm afraid the cashier at Target would think I am a drug addict.

At the beginning of every writing session I get out my can of duster and my tiny Swiss Army knife tweezers and I clear as much as I can of the pet hair and dander and shit out of my keyboard. Then, every time I'm stumped or I have to think or I'm just stalling, I bust back out the can of duster and blow out any remaining debris, or any debris that has accumulated or reared its ugly head since I started typing. Because sometimes the hairs are tricky. Sometimes they hide under a key and dig in until you blow the compressed air in just the right direction. Tricksey Hobbitses dust particles.

In a way, though, the constant dusting has served as a tool for writing. Instead of stepping away from the computer or getting distracted by the Internet when I should be writing, I stare at my keyboard and think while I dig out tiny hairs. I'm still working even though I'm not technically working.

So I've come to confess that my name is Emily and I have a problem. I am an obsessive keyboard duster. But I can quit any time I want, I swear.

Tomorrow, a promised interview with a big shot Hollywood screenwriter.


  1. Anonymous8:02 AM

    Most of the hair & dust sets in while you're not at the keyboard. You might want to think about getting a keyboard cover. Of course you'll then end up obsessing about something else.

  2. You think you're nuts I own this:

    Years ago there was a pink-eye outbreak among the floaters at the agency where I worked and I think I developed a complex.

  3. Archie I didn't know they made those.

    But if I bought one of those, what would I dust between scenes?

  4. Anonymous12:28 PM

    I'd suggest one of these:

  5. A fake Boston Fern?

    Randomly and not dust related, I was given a stack of stuff post-San Diego Comic Con. I read the movie adaptation of Predators this morning and it's told from Isabelle's point of view. She even has a backstory. I thought you might want to check it out after seeing the film,

  6. I don't understand what you mean by movie adaptation. You mean a comic bade out of Predators?

    And yes that would be interesting to read.

  7. Predators nonsense:

  8. Speaking of comic adaptations, Crow getting adapted again... by Nick Cave. Am kinda excited:

    At least you're productive with your obsessive filling time between scenes pursuit...

  9. Anonymous12:31 PM

    You are too young is all. Missed out on the hippe days of letting dirt just be. Try thinking how it will help your immune system develop. ;-) :-) Good luck with your appointment!!!!


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