A gem in the $5 bin

This afternoon the Beefcake and I went to Best Buy and peeked into the $5 bin. Conspiracy Theory, Harry and the Hendersons, Bad Boys (the one with Sean Penn), Cast Away, Memento (Memento? In the $5 bin? What is the world coming to?), 15 World War II Movies, and one shiny copy of Ghostbusters.

I already have Memento, so we liberated the copy of Ghostbusters. And I thought momentarily, this movie comes on Comedy Central like once a week, so do we really need to buy it? But then I thought about how they always replace the best line in the film with "Yes it's true. This man is some kind of rodent, I'm not sure which" which I can never figure out how in the world that fits into the same verbal space as "It's true. This man has no dick." It's not even close to the same amount of syllables. No matter how many times I see that movie on TV I never understand how they fit that in Bill Murray's mouth.

Anyway, it's also just impossible to see one of the greatest comedies of all time in the $5 bin and not rescue it from the proximity of Harry and the Hendersons.

What have you grabbed from the $5 bin?

Hold me closer, Tony Danza

A&E recently started airing promos for a new show called Teach: Tony Danza. Tony Danza taught for a year in the Philadelphia public school system.





This I have to see. I have often wondered why Reality TV had not yet infiltrated the classroom, and thank goodness A&E has fixed that problem. Now the whole country can see what hand-picked kids are like when edited, in front of a camera crew and taught by a former sitcom star/talk show host. It's about time.

Lake Placid 4: Stubby's Revenge

This year my parents moved to a new house back East and brought with them this corgie you see before you. His name is Stubby on account of his short little legs. Yes, he is cute. He is also one dumb motherfucker.

In this little bitty town there is a swamp across the street from a big lake. In this swamp are alligators. My parents have told me many times that in the history of the lake, not once have the alligators crossed the street into the lake. I am skeptical, but trusting. Two days ago my mom and I drove by the swamp and saw four gators out sunning themselves. I thought is was so cool, I decided to ride her bike down the road to get pictures of them.

Stubby doesn't get out of his pen much, so as I began to ride Mom's bike down the driveway he began his adorable and pitiful barking.

He's dumb as a post, but Stubby's a very good dog and he has no problem trotting around off leash. Besides, this is the kind of town where everybody's dog wanders at will so nobody bats an eye if a cute little corgie wanders hither and yon on his own. My parents don't let him out much though, because their neighbor is a horrible bitch and she has it in for him.

So anyway, could you resist that dog? No. Nobody with a heart could. So I said to Stubby, look Stubby. You will run alongside this bike as I go to photograph the gators sunning themselves in the swamp.

Stubby hates swimming. HATES. Freaks completely out when he's walked anywhere near a swamp or a lake or a pool or an ocean. So I wasn't worried about him going anywhere near the swamp and the gators. I brought along an old short rusty chain link leash just in case he gave me trouble.

So I biked on down the road and he trotted along, occasionally stopping to sniff the foliage. He was happy as a pig in shit.

Along the way I saw this alligator:

Yes the swamp is currently a little overrun with algae.

Now that I've gotten my picture of an alligator I decided to double back and head home. Stubby's very furry and has very tiny legs, and at this point his tongue was practically dragging the ground, so I figured if he could talk he'd probably admit defeat and ask if we could go.

I turned around and started biking, stopping periodically and calling Stubby to me when a car went by. He'd sit there and wait, and then start jogging as soon as the car past.

So we went along like this for a while until one car came along and I called him to me, but he didn't come. He ran into some bushes and failed to reappear. I called again. Nothing. I thought I heard a splash, so naturally at this point I'm convinced that Stubby has been gobbled up by an alligator. Great. I killed my mom's dog.

I rushed over and didn't see the dog anywhere. But suddenly there was frantic splashing, and there he was, down in the water, scraping at the embankment with his mud filled paws.

Stubby decided that neon green water was a lovely drink and forgot that he had short-ass legs.

As I leaned over to grab his forelegs and wrestle him back on land, I thought to myself, this is how horror movies start. This is also how stories about rednecks who die saving their dogs start.

I braced one leg on a tree. I did not look for an alligator because I figured seeking out a green lizard in green water would require too much time, time I could be grabbing this goddamn dog. I pulled his forelegs up and used my right hand to push his butt the rest of the way, then I got the fuck out of there before all that splashing got us eaten.

Naturally, Stubby was filthy and now, so was I. I put that short rusty leash on his filthy neck and walked him and the bike back to the lake. I dragged him in to clean him off, at which point he panicked and splashed his way back to the dock. Once on the dock, he immediately rubbed his face in bird poop.

At this point I threw my hands up and he trotted his furry little ass back to the house, not a care in the world.

I packed my glasses already

 What picture did I choose? I can't see it.

Today I was going to tell the story of how my mom's corgi almost killed us both, but I took my contacts out then realized I already packed my glasses so I can't see what I am typing. Plus I have to be on a plane at 3am so I should go to bed soon. I will tell my story tomorrow.

I'll just say this so I can get this laptop off my chest: I spent most of today sitting by a lake reading a book by David West called Chasing Dragons. It's a journey through the history of the martial arts film broken down by country, then director, then film. Plus it's kind of funny in places. I've learned a lot of things about the history of the martial arts film, but most of all I've learned that Netflix does not carry a lot of old Japanese and Chinese stuff. How can you not carry a movie called How Wong Fei Hung Pitted a Lion Against a Dragon? I mean, seriously. I want to know how he did it.

My anecdote file is growing

I'm spending the week in a very tiny town in the middle of nowhere in the South and it's beautiful and quiet and hilarious.

This is one of those towns where the only crime is lawn mower theft and the angry old lady next door comes out and stares at you if your corgie thinks about urinating somewhere near her grass.

So I am making a lot of notes in my file of interesting quotes and anecdotes to use at a later date when I am in need of some comedy.

Everyone should have a file of quotes an anecdotes. Every time I get to a scene and I need some kind of filler material, like a joke or a bizarre opening line, I go to my file and pick one out. There's some excellent and strange stuff in there that I can no longer remember where I got it.

That angry old lady is totally going in it.

Thanks Mom

After I read the script for My Mother's Curse I immediately sent it to my mother. She thought it was terrific and immediately got why I wanted her to read it. It's one of my favorite scripts of the year and I took a few notes from it because Salvage is about a mother/daughter relationship. One of the things My Mother's Curse does so well is pick up on the things all mothers do that drive us crazy; my favorite scene is when the protagonist's mother tells him over and over that he should put on his windshield wipers and he keeps telling her it won't work, then finally he does it and she's right.

That is the worst, when your naggy mom is completely right. Everybody can relate to that - I don't care who you are.

So as soon as I put that script down I started thinking about things my mom does that are so very MOMlike, and I started working them into the script. I found myself writing conversations we've had in the past and smiling. Yes, Mom, I am aware that I'm going five miles over the speed limit. No we will not crash and die.

After I finished Salvage I sent it to the Manager, then I sent it to my mom.

Now my mom is different from other moms in that she does not think everything I touch turns to gold. She thinks I'm awesome, but she also thinks my last screenplay had too much sex in it, and she never read my zombie script at all because she just doesn't see the appeal. Explosions really do it for me, but Mom thinks they're unnecessarily destructive.

A compliment in this house must be earned, and that's how you know it means something.

Which is why, when my mom said my comedy is good and that I wrote a cute story, I beamed. Yay! My mom thinks I'm funny.

Box Office thoughts

I'm on a plane today. Weeee. I'm not checking any luggage, so hopefully things will go well.

Anyway.

It's a good thing I'm not an executive because I super suck at predicting the Box Office. It was a weekend filled with new movies, yet nothing made any real money. I thought Piranha 3D and Nanny McPhee Returns were going to take the weekend and The Expendables was going to drop to number 3. I was pretty sure Vampires Suck was going to tank.

Instead Piranha and Nanny came in 6th and 7th respectively, with Piranha making just enough to stay afloat and Nanny pretty much a bomb. Are the kids all back in school? They aren't around here, but I'm guessing in many other states this was the first week of school, or that everybody spent their movie money on backpacks. Usually kids movies do well, and a sequel should do even better, but not this time, clearly.

I almost wanted to see Piranha 3D just for the sheer joy of watching what is essentially a Syfy movie with better effects on the big screen, but 1) I HATE 3D and 2)  I was busy getting ready for my trip. Plus I'd already decided that if I saw something this weekend it would be Scott Pilgrim. But I doubt that was everybody else's reason for avoiding this film. Since it made 10mil in opening weekend and had a budget of 24mil, I'm sure the studio will survive it. But I just thought it would do better. Maybe it lost its crowd to The Expendables.

The Lottery Ticket coming in at #4 I totally get. It's a great idea for a story, something everyone can relate to, and it's so rare that we get a film aimed at black audiences that when one comes along it generally cleans up.

But Vampires Suck? Did Twilight fans really go see this? I know that's what the actors in the film kept saying, but I thought it was pretty obvious this film was poking fun at them all. Are they that starved for vampire love stories that they'll even go for the spoofy kind?

All in all, it was an interesting weekend at the movies with so many opening so close to the end of summer. What are your thoughts?

Relax

I did nothing today. I mean I watched some TV, I read a book, and I did some script notes, but compared to my usual day I didn't do a whole hell of a lot.

I've got three ideas for my next project, but I think one is probably easier to write than the others, and more sellable, so I'm starting with that until the rep tells me otherwise.

But first, I'm relaxing. I think when you send away a script into the ether, you should take a day to chill out and do nothing.

Tomorrow I'm working on my Luc Besson article as soon as I get back from Target. I swear.

This happens every time

I finished the script today! Yay! Glass of wine and Top Chef to celebrate. The last thing I did was one final read through to check for errors and unnecessary words, and I realize that I have a character named Old Bored Security Guard and a character named Security Guard, and that Old Bored Security Guard ends up having so many lines that he really should have a name.

I wish I'd made this decision before I typed out Old Bored Security Guard a bunch of times.

Anyway, I draw a name out of a hat - Johan - and do the old name switch.

I have been through this before, so the next step is to go through all of his scenes making sure his name got switched in every instance. Check.

Everything looks good, it's funny, it's fun, it's clean. Wrote an email to my manager and sent that puppy right over.

Naturally, that's when I realized two things: 1) I now have a character named Johan and a character named Joe. I'm sure THAT'S not confusing at all.

And 2) I forgot to introduce Johan. When you have a character named Old Bored Security Guard, you don't have to bother with description because his name is his description. So where my script used to say "It's a typical lobby, complete with OLD BORED SECURITY GUARD," it now says "It's a typical lobby, complete with JOHAN."

What the fuck is a Johan?

After kicking myself, I changed his name to Reginald and sent the Manager a new version where I introduced the guy.

The next lesson I have learned

Every time I write a script I learn something new that I need to do. Yesterday I got a new set of notes that gave me my lesson for this particular piece.

Obviously, with my first script I learned how to write a script. And do flashbacks and voice overs. Oh yeah, they were all there.

I wrote a script about brothers who were thieves which taught me to never write something I know nothing about.

I wrote a story about a former assassin in witness protection told me that  a good idea does not a good script make. You have to have a story too. One event has to lead to another in a logical method, and you can't just throw a bunch of action scenes together and hope somebody likes it.

A Supernatural script taught me that sometimes no matter how hard you try, a story just doesn't work. And that I'm not really a TV writer.

With Not Dead Yet I learned the value of editing your writing to the simplest, most straightforward language. I still write naturally, but the last thing I do before I ship the script off to the world is to do one pass where all I'm looking for is words to cut.

Burnside taught me that no matter how cool everybody thinks your story is, that doesn't mean anyone will buy it.

And now Salvage has taught me to remember that people like surprises. I only had one real reversal, and it's not all that surprising to the keen viewer. So today I sat down and changed it all around to incorporate a reversal, which necessitated moving events all over the place. It also meant that the setting of my final set piece moved all the way to the beginning of act 2, which meant I had to rewrite the final piece. I went from 108 pages to 89 pages with a keystroke.

That's daunting. But after I started reworking it I found some pretty funny stuff. And pacing. My pacing picked up big time because my characters weren't just waiting to get to the next scene, they were surprised and forced to rethink their assumptions.

I will remember that for next time. In my ever increasing toolbox, I can now add, Don't Forget Reversals.

The Expendables crowd

Ever since I moved to the burbs, I've gone to a small movie theater where parking is plentiful, tickets are cheap, and you don't have to wait in a long line for anything. I love that theater.

Friday night I actually waited in a short line to hold our group's seats when the theater opened up for The Expendables, and I took a quick gander at the audience.

Behind me was a man in his 40s whose wife had given up. If you show up for the movies on a Friday night in a velour track suit with a scrunchie in your hair, you might as well start getting fat because that's the only place left to go. Anyway, the wife went to see Eat, Pray, Love, leaving her husband alone behind me in line. Down the stairs comes this exotic chick with a body that kills poured into a minidress and high heels. The guy behind me stared at her all the way down the stairs.

In front of me was a young Latino couple. The girl was bright eyed, excited, giving a speech about awesome movies she's seen and where The Condemned ranked among them. My girl.

Ahead in line, a family of four - a wife, husband, and two kids under 10. This movie is rated R. No time like the present to teach your kids about giant guns that shoot grenades into people's torsos.

Behind me down the stairs, your stereotypical group of guys. They were all smiles and popcorn.

At the front of the line, a 50 something couple. They were giddy.

Now I'm not trying to say that there were as many women as men, or that this film brought in the old crowd, but I think maybe the studios underestimate the appeal this film had for women.

If they had realized how many of us wanted to see this film, they would have had Jason Statham take his shirt off at least once. I don't think that's too much to ask.

It's Expendables Day!

I really want to see Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, but I want to see The Expendables more. Rotten Tomatoes means nothing to me today. I am turning off my brain and on my awesome meter.

Whenever I go to see films of this nature, I always check to see how many other girls there are in the theater, and how many I think are there because they want to be. We are out there, people. Hiding, lusting after Jason Statham and Jet Li and kind of wishing we could kick somebody in the face and get away with it.

So I will watch Scott Pilgrim next weekend. This weekend belongs to my boys.

What movie are you chomping at the bit to see?

I will not read your damn screenplay, newbie.

I got some more notes this morning from a couple of people. One set of notes was just pull-no-punches soul crushing stuff, enough that at first I honestly had no idea what to do with them because they were so negative it just made me ponder whether or not I should go kill myself.

But while I tried to pick through the notes to figure how to fix the fact that I suck, I took the time to thank the note giver for the notes and assure her that though they are tough to take, I appreciate the criticism. No matter how cruel they seem, this person still took time to read a script they didn't like very much and tell me why they didn't like it. They could have stopped reading at page two and told me to suck it in general. Instead they stopped at page 45, but along the way explained just what was pissing them off about my work, which is incredibly useful once you dig through it.

A few years ago I gave notes on a girl's first screenplay right before she planned to enter it into the Nicholl. I read the whole thing, gave lengthy notes about why the script did not work complete with suggestions for ways to improve it and compliments about the things that did work (I believe all notes should include not just the bad, but also the good, and most importantly, advice on how to make it better), and ended by telling the person to save her money and enter with a better script next year.

Her script seemed like it was written by a person who was trying to figure out how to write a script. Interesting scenes, but not much story. The protagonist had no motivation for anything - she just floated through a couple of possibly humorous scenarios behaving exactly as you would expect her to.

This was the response I got, in full: "I think the script is pretty good, so I'm going to enter it. I'll fix those apostrophe errors."

Some time later, I read a first screenplay which read like it was written by someone who was trying to figure out how to write a screenplay. The protagonist flitted from situation to situation without any real logic. I read the whole thing and gave pages of specific notes on what worked, what didn't, and how I thought the writer could fix it.

This was the response I got, in full: "Thanks."

So I guess I should at least be glad he mustered a sarcastic thank you.

A few months ago a guy was bragging about having the best script in the world, so I offered to give him a read. It was not the best script in the world. It was a mashup of genres that spent too much time on boring stuff and not enough time on interesting stuff. I gave him suggestions on how he could turn it into a great script, because unlike the other first time scripts, this had an idea to work with.

This was his response in full:

Last night I stayed up until 1 am to give notes to a first-time screenwriter. His script needed a tremendous amount of work. It has a plot but no originality. I gave him suggestions and compliments as usual, but also suggested that he put it aside and come back after he gets more practice.

This was his response in full:


And that is why, from this day forth, if you are a first-time screenwriter, don't you dare ask me to read your fucking script. I'll be hanging out with Josh Olson from now on.

Humbling Notes

I love rewrite time. Yesterday I got some notes that were all "Hey your script sucks balls and you should shoot yourself."

Not really, but, you know, sometimes it feels like that.

At first I was despondent. What do you do with that? Someone hates your material straight up, no hope for your script, nothing to do but write a new one. I couldn't sleep.

Then The Beefcake said something cool. "You hated Annie Hall, right?"

Why yes. Yes I did.

"And that's considered by many people to be the best movie ever made. Think about that."

I did. And that helped.

And I started thinking about my opening scene. The note giver did not say he hated my opening scene, but I know. It sucks. It's two people talking for three pages and nobody wants to watch that. Sure, I made all kinds of excuses while I was writing about why it had to be this way. Salt doesn't open with an action scene, you know. My inciting incident is on page 7, so that's good, right?

Bullshit. I knew it sucked, and when that note giver said my script was hooey, it became obvious that the problem was those first ten pages.

Usually when I start a script I have that first scene nailed down in my head, and no amount of convincing can get me to change it, but normally that scene is a big fight with lots of energy, not two people in a janitor's closet dumping dialogue all over the place.

So last night I thought about those notes. I rolled around and pondered, and at just past midnight I got back up and cranked up the old laptop and got to typing.

Just because I saw it in my head does not mean it's the best opening of my story. I can easily see something else in my head, and I did. Let's face it - nobody wants to spend the first three minutes of an action film watching two people talk in a janitor's closet. I don't want to watch that, but for some reason I was attached to it until I told myself to knock it off and consider other possibilities.

I don't know if the note giver would like what I've come up with, but it doesn't matter. I like to give my script to a different person each time so I get a different perspective, so he'll never see it again. What I got from that guy is that I needed to change something. I knew what was wrong, I just needed someone to tell me that I am not the damn golden child so I could put my ego in check long enough to make the necessary change.

I just don't buy indistructable heels

I've got a question for you.

Okay so I'm watching Surrogates because.... I don't know why, really. I knew it would be terrible, and it was. Maybe I watched it because I thought I'd fall asleep and I didn't want to miss something I cared about. I didn't fall asleep, though. I watched the whole thing. It was really really bad.

Periodically during the movie the Beefcake and I began naming other movies Bruce Willis was in that were better than this one. "Hi, I'm Bruce Willis. I was in Hudson Hawk." Like that.

Anyway, that's not my question.

So I'm watching this movie and although I don't like the stuff that's happening, I'm following. I buy the world of people using robots to conduct their day-to-day activities, I buy the science of it, I buy a gun that blasts through robots and fries the eyes of the people behind them. Here's what I don't buy. At one point a cop who is a robot jumps over a couple of cars and lands right on her high heel encased feet.

She jumps super high and lands on a tiny little heel and it doesn't break. And at that moment I threw up my hands. That is just ridiculous. I don't care if they're Clarks or Manolos, there is not a heel on Earth that can take that kind of punishment. Maybe if it's made of adamantium.

So here's my question. Why do you think that is? How is it that I, and no doubt many others, can accept the most ludicrous plot points only to get hung up on petty details? We do it all the time. Why?

One day rewrite

Well it took me five hours, but I did a complete rewrite of my script in one day. I decided this morning that I was going to do the whole revision in one day, come hell or high water.

Fortunately as I get better as a writer, I have to change fewer major plot elements and more general character bits. I had to make one major change, but most of the work was dialogue that sounded the same or unrealistic and whatnot.

So it wasn't the most difficult rewrite I ever had to do, but still. Five hours straight of writing is exhausting. I feel like I should have vacuumed or made dinner or something, because saying you sat in front of a computer all day and didn't leave your office sounds like the laziest thing in the world, but I am tired.

But dammit I got it done.

Interview with Alex Litvak, part three

The thing about writing blogs is, nobody reminds you that you forgot to post something some days.

Anyway, here is part three, the final piece of my interview with Alex Litvak.

Part one


Part two


“The days of people buying screenplays as a favor are over,” Alex Litvak said during our interview. These days, if you want to sell a spec script, “You have to write. It’s hard but you have to do it.”

He said that if you write something good, eventually you will be read. Litvak navigated his way through the studio system by developing other people’s projects, so he had plenty of opportunity to see what works and what doesn’t. “Be aware of who your audience is and what the marketplace is,” he said. “And don’t listen to all that bullshit about ‘write what you know.’”

So what does work? Wall-E. Toy Story 3. Litvak was blown away by Toy Story 3, and a part of him wishes he could have written it. And Inception. The film has flaws, he said, but the beauty of what is on that screen is undeniable. Litvak’s eyes lit up as he described how even in the middle of noticing the details that didn’t quite work, he couldn’t help but feel a little awed by the film itself.

But these aren’t your typical action pictures Litvak has made a name for himself writing. He loves action, and Predator, but has desires to write in other genres too, like romantic comedies.

"Don't let someone tell you you have to be an action writer," he said. He was talking about me at the time, but the truth is, Alex Litvak does not like being told what he can and cannot do in any situation.

“Movies are no great artistry,” he said. “There’s just great moments that come from the heart.”

In the end, here’s what you need to know about Alex Litvak: He’s sarcastic, funny, realistic and not an asshole, but he will not bullshit you, and he will not agree with you to be polite. He also does not like Salt, which made this writer a little sad.

Also, he got where he is by working, listening, and not being afraid to ask questions. His biggest advice to me was to be confident in my abilities and fight through the fear of being a nobody in a land of somebodies.

After all, a year ago, he was just another executive guy. Today Milla Jovovich is reading his words on camera. It’s not such a bad place to be.

Interview with Alex Litvak, Part Two

Interview with Alex Litvak, Part One 

The spec sale of Medieval landed Alex Litvak more than just an opportunity to write Predators. He’s also finishing up rewrites on Grayskull and a reimagined version of The Three Musketeers. So a lot of you guys probably want to hear about Grayskull, but I didn’t watch that much He-Man as a kid and She-Rah annoys me, so the novel was a priority. I love this novel. I am cautiously optimistic about the outcome of this film.

[EDITED TO ADD: Dear He-Man fans, I had two hours to ask Litvak whatever I could before he went off to a meeting, and that two hours flew by. I had a long list of questions I didn't even get to ask. I am a HUGE fan of the Three Musketeers so that was early on the agenda. If you had been the one interviewing him, you would have asked about He-Man, and then I would have been disappointed because I would have wanted to read about The Three Musketeers. Perspective is your friend. Thanks for reading!]

Anyway, Litvak was supposed to take a few weeks to punch up the existing script for Musketeers, but once he took the project home he just couldn’t stop changing things. What began as a quick little project grew into a full rewrite and another screen credit. He wrote a page-one rewrite in 16 days because that’s how long the studio had given him for the original job.

Like his previous work, this version of Dumas’ classic is balls out action. Litvak took the characters and the spirit of the story and ran away with it, playing on the opportunity the story provides for lots of sword fights. “It’s true to the spirit of Dumas,” he said.

In the original novel, a young Musketeer is tasked with saving the queen’s reputation when her husband’s advisor, Cardinal Richelieu, sees an opportunity to remove her influence from the crown. This is based on a true event from French history, and the Disney version crapped all over it. Litvak used this moment as a springboard for a sort of heist story filled with intrigue and swordfights and scuba gear. It's a little like what 2001's The Musketeer tried to but with more of an effort to stay on the source material.

In the film, M’lady De Winter, played by Milla Jovovich, is a strong-willed woman. Like Isabel in Predators and Amelia in Medieval, M’lady has her own independent goals and weaknesses. She is not merely a love interest to follow around the protagonist, a common characteristic of female characters in most action films. Litvak said he tries to write women well, and uses as influence the women he has encountered in his life.

On the other hand, he does see action films as a chance to revel in masculinity. “On one level, it’s conflict personified,” he said. “On another level, a fantasy of guys. The epitome of cool. Testosterone in its purest form.”  After all, women amounted to essentially zero percent of the market share for Predators.

As his most recent work finishes up production, another writer has taken over duties on Medieval. At this point, the story is someone else’s job now, and Litvak no longer has control over what happens next.

“It’s a bit like sending your kid off to college,” he said. “Bye. I just don’t want to see you on Youtube.”

Tomorrow in part 3: Advice for the rest of us

Interview with Alex Litvak, Part One

Alex Litvak has blown up this year. He and partner Michael Finch sold their spec script Medieval for $800,000 against $1.6 million, and followed it up by writing this summer’s big budget action sequel Predators. These projects have launched Litvak from unassuming studio executive to Hollywood big shot in no time flat, but fortunately for me he’s still willing to sit down for coffee at The Bourgeois Pig in Hollywood with little old me.

In person, Litvak’s Russian accent is slight but present, and he says he’s often mistaken for a New Yorker. He has a confident demeanor and refused to let me interrupt him to ask more questions until he was done talking, as if he would not allow anything to derail his point until he finished making it. He's also completely adorable and intimidating at the same time, if that's possible.

Litvak started out life in Moscow during the Cold War, but he still managed to find enough burned copies of great American films like the original Predator and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to inspire a love of movies from an early age. “I love John Hughes,” he said. “I didn’t go to an American high school, but everybody can relate to problems with your parents.”

By the time he was ready for college he had no question that movies were the thing, so he packed up and headed to LA.

After the usual classes and interning, Litvak found himself almost accidentally moving up the ladder as an executive. But after years of paying attention to someone else’s stories, Litvak realized that he had neglected his own true love of writing.

Enter Medieval. Medieval is an action script in the purest sense of the word. A Dirty Dozen of sorts, where each member of the group brings a different badass skill, and set during, well, medieval times. Yep. A period action piece that bends historical accuracy in favor of coolness, not much different a concept from the new Sherlock Holmes or Brotherhood of the Wolf, or a handful of scripts coming down the pike in its wake. The script made the Blacklist and sold to Regency on the quick, and is currently in production with McG pulling the strings.

Medieval has taken some heat from reviewers because of its wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am style, but that may just be the reason the script sold for so much money. The pace of the script, and of every other script Litvak writes, is blisteringly fast.

“I don’t want anyone to be bored,” he said. He credits Shane Black and William Goldman with inspiring his flippant, fun style because they never shy away from personality on the page. “Why not put personality there? You should.” Sometimes he admits he goes a little overboard, but that's just because he's having so much fun.

That personality and hard work is what eventually landed him and Finch the dream project of writing Predators. Back during his tenure as an executive, Litvak attempted to get a Predator sequel going. He had an idea of Predators fighting against each other in a battle royal on a global scale. Nobody was interested in his ideas at the time, but after the sale of Medieval he suddenly found himself with enough clout to pursue the project already being bandied about with Robert Rodriguez. Due to budget constraints, the planet-spanning battle royal was out and the version released starring Adrian Brody was in, but Litvak and Finch still managed to find a way to make their Predator on Predator fight happen.

As of this writing, Box Office Mojo lists Predators’ current worldwide take as $103,491,249, a definite success in a season where similar films have flopped left and right, and a fair bet for another sequel.

“Your name is forever in the pantheon of action icons,” he said with a smile.

Tomorrow, Part 2:  Why he loves action so much, and what's up with The Three Musketeers?

Stay Tuned

There need to be more hours in the day because there just aren't enough right now. I've been busy as hell the past four days. I haven't written a damn word in Movie Magic, and I keep trying to start writing up my article and get distracted. Plus I keep meaning to do this article on Luc Besson for the Story Department and I'm only halfway through watching the necessary films.

But tomorrow I swear I'm only doing two things: Finishing my first draft of Salvage and writing up my interview with Big Shot Hollywood Screenwriter.

Oh crap I forgot I have a doctor's appointment.

Okay three things. I'm doing three things tomorrow: Finishing my first draft of Salvage, writing up my interview with Big Shot Hollywood Screenwriter, and going to the hand doctor to hear his plans to chop open my hand and move tissue around.

Just who is Big Shot Hollywood Screenwriter? Why, none other than Alex Litvak, half of the team that wrote Predators and Medieval and all around good dude. So tune in Tuesday evening to find out how he feels about Inception, The Three Musketeers and what it's like to be rewritten. Plus some other stuff.

I'm serious this time.

A slight delay

I promised an interview with a big Hollywood writer today and I lied. I ended up being entirely too busy today to do any writing, and tomorrow isn't much different. I may have to post the interview on Monday, but it will be there.

So I will leave you with this. While I awaited the arrival of said bigshot Hollywood screenwriter at the Bourgeois Pig on Franklin, a very trendy writery spot where Louis Lombardi once asked if he could drink my hot chocolate, two gay dudes walked in. How did I know they were gay? I don't know, one was blond and a little too good looking and his hair was gelled up and he just had that look, and a brunet guy came in with him.

The gay guys went to play pool. One of them came over and stood right next to me to ask the coffee chick if there was any chalk, and that's when I realized the blond gay guy was in fact Dominic Monaghan.

The lesson here is that sometimes celebrities look kind of gay.

Next on A&E's Obsessed: Keyboard Dusting

The cat and the dog in my house, while both short-haired animals, both shed like a motherfucker. The cat frequently tries to help me come up with ideas by hopping in my lap and blocking the keyboard, I guess so he can type what he thinks is the best line of dialogue. This is why I constantly find pet hair in my keyboard.

And that's where the obsession began. Pet hair in the keyboard.

But do you know lint also gets in there? And sometimes food particles? And every now and then unidentifiable debris?

To deal with this unacceptable phenomenon, I dust. Frequently. Obsessively. You know that canned duster stuff? I'd buy it in bulk, but I'm afraid the cashier at Target would think I am a drug addict.

At the beginning of every writing session I get out my can of duster and my tiny Swiss Army knife tweezers and I clear as much as I can of the pet hair and dander and shit out of my keyboard. Then, every time I'm stumped or I have to think or I'm just stalling, I bust back out the can of duster and blow out any remaining debris, or any debris that has accumulated or reared its ugly head since I started typing. Because sometimes the hairs are tricky. Sometimes they hide under a key and dig in until you blow the compressed air in just the right direction. Tricksey Hobbitses dust particles.

In a way, though, the constant dusting has served as a tool for writing. Instead of stepping away from the computer or getting distracted by the Internet when I should be writing, I stare at my keyboard and think while I dig out tiny hairs. I'm still working even though I'm not technically working.

So I've come to confess that my name is Emily and I have a problem. I am an obsessive keyboard duster. But I can quit any time I want, I swear.

Tomorrow, a promised interview with a big shot Hollywood screenwriter.

What Samurai Jack taught me

Know what was a good show? Samurai Jack. I miss Samurai Jack. If you've never seen it, Samurai Jack was a show on Cartoon Network back when it showed cartoons, about a martial arts genius who was sent into the future just before he was about to kill the evil Mako Aku, and now either has to kill Aku or find a portal back to his own time so he can kill Aku in the past.

I was watching season 4 the other day and thinking about how amazing it is they managed to tell so much story without a lot of dialogue. Genndy Tartakovsky, the show's creator and also the creator of Dexter's Laboratory and the only Star Wars Clone Wars to be actually good, said he liked action scenes so he wrote a show about action scenes. He didn't want to load the show up with lots of unnecessary dialogue. Action scenes are awesome, so let's have an entire show full of action scenes.

There's definitely something to that. A lot of times I read amateur scripts where people talk. And talk and talk and talk and talk. They talk about their feelings and their desires and their fears and all the things they're thinking. In reality they should just have their characters work out their angst with a sword fight.

Samurai Jack taught me that. Sword fights for everybody.

Thanks, Google Maps

I don't like writing about places I've never been, and that's where this all started.

I decided to set my current script, Salvage, in my hometown area. I was going along, following my treatment pretty carefully, having a grand old time putting forth pages on a regular basis, until I realized something I had not noticed when I wrote the treatment.

My characters end up ambushed at a meeting and make a run for it. In the treatment they race to the car and speed away to the next scene. But as I was writing the scene I realized that the place my people just came from was in walking distance of the place where they had their ill-fated meeting. So they don't need a car.

Foot chase.

I hadn't planned on a foot chase, so I had to stop for a minute and think. I could have tried some kind of parkoury type shit but that doesn't make any sense for my characters. My characters wouldn't want to drag this out. They'd want to get somewhere public and safe as soon as possible to escape the dudes chasing them.

I went to Google Maps. The location for my meeting is a pretty famous pub in my hometown, so I looked at it on the map and then I took a gander at the surrounding area and examined every possible place they could run to.

A supermarket, City Hall, a middle school, some shops. I considered each of these as a place to hide. We've seen chases end in supermarkets a zillion times. I briefly considered the middle school, but then I saw a museum that sort of glowed, the kind of museum that begs to be used as exactly this kind of location.

But I'd never been to this museum, so I had to Google it, and I saw pictures so I could figure out what kind of antics my characters could get up to during their stay. I have to rewrite some of the pages to make it funnier, but I got a really cool sequence out of it with almost endless potential.

I was supposed to make my characters run to the car and drive off, and instead I made them run to a museum and do stuff. It was a reminder that sometimes you have to stretch yourself a little to make things better.

See Salt. Or else.

Ever since I heard Salt had switched to a female protagonist I've been antsy for opening weekend. I keep hearing all the time "Don't write an action film with a female protagonist." Every time I tell someone about my latest project they sort of give me this tsk tsk response, like I've made a big mistake with my life and I should really learn to write about men or stick to romcoms.

So I prayed for Salt to be good. I was going to force all my friends to go see it if it sucked, just to give a minuscule push to the box office. I'm relieved that fans of action say it's good.

Because you know what they'll say if this movie fails: People just don't go see female action heroes.

It has nothing to do with whether or not it's a good movie, of course. I mean Alien, Terminator, Nikita, Run Lola Run, Resident Evil - those are all flukes, right? Nobody wants to see a woman kicking ass.

But if it does well.... oh if it does well, then we're back, baby. If this movie makes money in a season where nothing is guaranteed, the first thing studio heads will do is to look around for the next Salt.

I'm waving my hand hello.

Nicholl again

I'm hoping not to be eligible next year, so this may be my last time trying. Here's this year's rejection letter. Same results as last year with the lovely P.S.

Dear Emily,

If you have been following the comment lines posted on Facebook, you already know that many exceptional scripts were entered in this year’s Nicholl Fellowships competition. Now that scores have been tallied for all 6,304 entries, we have to inform too many writers of scripts featuring intriguing stories, engaging characters and strong craft that they have not advanced into the next round. Regrettably, Burnside was not one of the 326 entries selected as a Quarterfinalist in the 2010 Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting.

You should realize that while we strive to make the evaluation of screenplays as objective a process as possible, it is inherently both a personal and an extremely subjective matter. A lack of success here may not have any bearing on your reception in the marketplace where a sale is the ultimate measure of success. I’ll even venture a prediction: several non-advancing writers will become professional screenwriters in the near future.

To tell you a little about the process: each script was read once. After receiving an initial positive evaluation, nearly 2,900 scripts garnered a second read. Over 900 scripts were read a third time. Each read resulted in a numerical score being awarded. Scores for each entrant's script were totaled, and the Quarterfinalists were selected on the basis of highest scores.

Early next year, we'll send you a link to a 2011 application form, which will include a list of the recipients of the 2010 Fellowships. Results will be posted online at www.oscars.org/nicholl in November.

Best of luck with all your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Greg Beal
Director
Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting
www.oscars.org/nicholl
www.facebook.com/nichollfellowships

PS: Your script was among the top 10% of all entries.

Thoughts on Chris Nolan's current state of mind

I didn't post yesterday because I was moping. I learned that I will need hand surgery soon, surgery that is just as likely to do nothing as it is to fix the problem. Funsies.

I saw Inception Monday. I am definitely in the Holy Crap That Was Amazing camp. I was totally blown away by how well the exposition was handled, because I went in thinking I'd probably feel like I do when I see a David Lynch film - angry and confused. Instead, I followed every beat of the story perfectly well. And I loved that this pulled off being a heist film while feeling like a serious drama. I always say you can have explosions with subtext. Well, Inception had explosions with subtext.

What made me smile was thinking that Pete Postlethwaite and Michael Caine don't really need to be in this film since they have bit parts; Nolan could easily have used less recognizable actors for such small roles, but why bother? If this is your dream project you get your dream cast. After Dark Knight Nolan can have what he wants, and he wants Michael Caine and Pete Postlethwaite.

I wonder if while Nolan was screening the finished film for the first time, did he cringe at certain scenes and think about how he should have done them better? Or do you think he just sat there and went HELL YES.

Nolan has been working on this script since he was 16. Imagine that. Imagine that one project you've been dreaming of making for most of your life suddenly coming to life with a complete budget and a cast full of perfect actors and screening to great reviews and solid box office. Imagine how that must feel.

That must feel amazing.

Mastermind at Comic Con - do it

Another reminder for those of you going to Comic Con, if you're looking for something super awesome to do on Thursday, there's a movie premiering based on my friend Michael Sullivan's very awesome play Mastermind.

Here's the link to the event: http://sched.comic-con.org/event/a60becae1e4af5a798c5abb8e0c6b3b0

And here's a trailer:

I write with music

Today I was having difficulty again with a section of my script that's supposed to be pretty funny and at the same time tense. One of those Hey put your gun down no YOU put your gun down no you first! kind of things. I was just staring at the screen, drawing a blank. I just wasn't in the mood for tense comedy.

Then the cat crawled into my lap so I had to pet him for like 15 minutes. You know how that is.

Then I realized I had my music set to "Romantic." I have three different music lists that I cycle through while I write: Romantic, Action, and Writing Music. Writing Music is my default setting, with music that's at a sort of natural pace and won't distract me. Action is lots of fast pace tunes that make me want to run and punch stuff. And romantic music is, well, romantic stuff.

I was listening the Romantic list today because I had just finished a scene where my hot male lead had a moment with my hot female lead, but forgot to switch it over. As soon as I switched back to Writing Music, it's like I pushed a button on my muse. Suddenly I was able to be all funny and whatever.

So another day where I started out sucking and ended up not sucking. Thanks to the ITunes this time.

I'm not sure I can write without music anymore. How about you? You write with music?

Shame

I didn't write any pages today. Instead I went swimming.

A friend of mine has a feature film coming out based on his comedy script. It's his first produced credit and it's completely based on his script, but he hates the finished product. He's been lackluster about advertising the film to industry folk because he's nervous about having his name attached to something that he's not proud of.

I know a few people who've had a similar experience, so what do you think? Is it better to have a produced credit you're ashamed of or no credit at all?

Exposition Dump

The past few writing days I've started off kind of apathetic about my work. I have that five page goal, and that's what I'm aiming for. I know what's supposed to happen and sort of go through the motions to get there. And after about two pages I consider giving up.

Then something has happened every single day. The same thing. After I consider giving up, I remember my five page rule, and I decide that no matter how much it sucks I have to persevere. Somehow after I pass that moment I write some seriously golden shit. Every day.

Today I started a section where I have to reveal a whole lot of exposition. It's one of those scenes where the people on the run get a moment to rest, and that's when we find out why Character A is so fucked up as Character B tells Character C all about it. What's wrong with her? Well, son, let me tell you her backstory. Blech. How the hell do you make that anything other than an exposition dump?

I was so unenthusiastic about this line of dialogue that my character didn't want to talk about it. Then I realized that this was my way around it. She doesn't want to fucking talk about it, asshole, so stop asking. Character C has to wrestle the information out of her. And that's when I realized that Character B is in a whole lot of denial. When she talks about Character A's problems, she really should be talking about herself because she has all the same problems. Character C sees it, we see it, but Character B just continues to snap at everybody and tell them it's all Character A's fault.

What was even better was that I've been having trouble figuring out what Character B's flaw was. Up to that point she'd been in control with no real issues. This one greatest fear of writing an exposition dump ended up turning into a real opportunity for growth in the script.

So I was pretty damn happy with that. In fact, I was so moved by Character B's pain and denial that I started to tear up a little bit. I haven't done that in a long damn time.

Of course, on the rewrite I'll probably wonder why the hell I wrote this crap.

ACTING!

Yay! Tonight I get to play a dead or dying victim of something. One of our friends is helping his buddy put together some kind of thing, I honestly have no idea if it's a short or a web series or what, and has asked The Beefcake to play a large intimidating man. Naturally, he asked if I'd tag along as a woman who gets to lay on the ground and get fake blood on her clothes, which of course I would. Why would I not?

This will by my third acting job since I moved to LA. The first was Area Five, directed by my buddy Michael Sullivan. I actually had to memorize lines for that even though a certain someone who was supposed to be a real actor did not memorize his lines at all. I later invited myself along to a shoot when The Beefcake and I first started going out, and somehow wormed my way into a voice over job - I have a deep voice for a woman - AND a part hanging onto the leg of the protagonist as he attempts to look very manly. This film is not yet finished because the director lost interest in editing, but I nag him about it every chance I get.

As you know, I don't have a job in the film industry. The first set I ever visited was my own, and it was in my living room. I love being a minor part of a film production because it's my only chance to see how different directors put the pieces together.

Years ago before I'd ever seen a real set, an actor friend of mine was helping his buddy put together a short and I asked if I could help in come capacity - craft services, PA, whatever, and without consulting his buddy my actor friend said no right away. I got an audition for that same actor for a lead in an independent feature and he blew it off, so I guess I shouldn't be too offended. That guy and I aren't friends anymore. I'm pretty sure he's still bartending.

I never understood his mentality. Sure he was an extraordinary looking guy, but it's not like those are all that rare in Los Angeles. If you want to get somewhere in this town, you have to bust your ass and take every opportunity that comes your way.

So I eagerly play Dead Hooker #2 or whatever I'm supposed to be tonight, just so I can lie there in a pile of corn syrup and watch another director at work. I can't wait.

Predators and the only girl around

Saw Predators today. I have the same opinion that's been going around - fun flick, not an Oscar winning piece of brilliance, but exactly what a solid action film should be. I would probably have enjoyed it even more were it not for the old dude in the back who kept yelling "OH NO!" every time a new complication arose.

Anyhow, I like Isabelle.

We all know how generally unsuccessful female action heroes have been, and I think the main reason is the difficulty so many writers have separating strength from compassion. Even though this film doesn't pass the Blechdel test - there's only one woman, although I kind of want to see what a female Predator looks like - I still felt that Isabelle is a perfect example of how to write a female badass.

I think there's a feeling that a woman must be either compassionate or strong, and that if she's strong she's a bitch, but if she cares about people, she's weak. In reality, a woman in a man's world generally tends to be the one who reminds everybody that we don't have to kill each other. I've often maintained that if one of the Lord of the Flies had been a Lady of the Fly, they may not have destroyed each other. Everybody needs a mommy. That doesn't mean Mommy has to choose between being a harpie or a pushover.

Isabelle has a heart. She also has a gun, and she sees no reason she can't balance both. At one point in the story Walton Goggins character, the convict, stares at her ass and tells her it's awesome. In a lot of films, that's when Michelle Rodriguez would have pinned him in some kind of thumb lock and told him to shut his fucking mouth or she'd shove her sniper rifle up his ass.

Instead, in this version, Alice Braga lets it go and moves on to more important things. She might be able to kick his ass - we never find out - but what would that prove? She's not an angry butch lesbian, she's just a warrior with a vagina.

I don't necessarily agree with how she was handled at the end of the film, but overall I felt that she was handled with realism and respect. Action writers would do well to pay attention.

What do you want to know from a big time pro?

I have something cool coming up and I want to get your input. Most of you guys never post anything so I can only guess as to who the majority of readers are, and as I was making up a list of interview questions for my next victim, I tried to think of what you guys would want to know.

It was pretty easy to think of things I want to know, but I also want to make this useful to you guys.

So I'm going to pose a question and anybody is welcome to chime on in. If you could interview a successful screenwriter - think big budget studio projects - what would you ask? I'm not going to say who just yet because there's always a chance it will fall through or I'll say something stupid and end up on the wrong end of a restraining order, but just know that I am fucking stoked.

Let's assume the How you broke in and How you got an agent are already off the table for this interview. I'm big on doing my research before I conduct interviews so I actually already know the answer to those questions.

Anyway, what would you ask? I already have a good set of questions, but I don't want to forget something that everybody wants to know.

Staying on schedule

This new screenplay I'm working on - Salvage - is pretty goddamn awesome. It's that perfect blend of stuff we've seen before with stuff we haven't seen before, and more than anything else I've ever written, I can see this selling. If I do it right.

Manager really wants to see it - I think I jazzed her with the logline unless she's just saying that to make me stop emailing so much - so my objective now is to crank out a quality draft in one month. With that in mind, I set a goal for myself of 5 pages a day. Five pages a day for five days a week plus a few extra here and there means a solid first draft in four weeks.

So far I've stuck to that plan. No matter what I do in the morning, at 3 pm I sit at my computer and write. I turn on my special ITunes writing mix and start typing. The first day, five pages. The second day, four pages.

No worries. If I have a short day, it means I have to spend the next day making up the difference. So on day three, six pages. Monday and Tuesday is my weekend for reasons that will remain a mystery to you.

Anyway, today I didn't think I was going to do it. A lot of today's material was still set-up and exposition and build up to a car chase. I knew once I got to the chase I'd write like gangbusters because action sequences flow from my fingertips without me actually having to think about it, but in the meantime I was having trouble forcing my way through heavy dialogue and character setup which always causes me trouble.

I got to page 18 and thought about stopping for the day, but then I remembered my vow. If I stop at page 18 today, that means two extra pages tomorrow. So I kept going.

And then before I knew it, there I was at the car chase. I decided that there's no way I can come up with some crazy amazing car chase violence that hasn't already been done, so I concentrated on what was going on inside the car our protagonist is driving. And suddenly I looked up and I was on page 22.

These aren't bad pages either. On the rewrite I'm sure I'll change a lot of the dialogue, but all in all I'm pretty proud of what I've cranked out.

Now I only have to write 3 pages tomorrow, but fuck that. If I write 8 pages I can be a day ahead. I wish someone would pay me to do this because I am having a blast.

Character emotional extremes

I was watching season 2 of True Blood, just like I promised, and Eric the smart ass butthole vampire cried when his maker died. Eric is the last person you'd expect to cry, so it was an especially moving moment.

It made me think of something Joss Whedon said in the commentary for the Firefly pilot. Take the character who's afraid of nothing and make them afraid, and the audience will realize how dire the situation is. If Eric the vampire is sad, and he's not emotional about anything, then I should probably be sad too. If Jayne is afraid then I should definitely be afraid.

Had Firefly kept going, they probably would have found somebody for Kaylee to be really pissed off at. If Kaylee's pissed at somebody, you know they're a bastard.

It's just something I always try to remember.

The TV, it makes me feel things

I was supposed to go on a Tru Blood season 2 marathon, but accidentally put disk #2 in the mail before I watched it because I am retarded, so I had to wait for it to come back to me before I could continue. Since it was a long weekend I had to do something to bide the extra time. I substituted a Dexter marathon because I'd only ever seen two first season episodes. I watched all the way from the pilot to the season two finale in 4 days.

Last night I dreamed about a sexy serial killer, kind of like Jeremy Sisto in Hideaway only maybe not so loony toons.

Anyhow, I love the way that show plays with who the bad guy is. Good guys are bad guys, bad guys are even badder or sometimes not bad at all, and just when you think you know who the bad guy is you find yourself kind of liking that person. That's just brilliant.

What gets me is how I can really like a show like Dexter and find him completely understandable, yet I don't like Breaking Bad at all because I have no sympathy for the protagonist. The best reason I can find is that Dexter is actually doing something that he believes makes society better, not just something that benefits himself. Or maybe it's his nice guy personality, or the friendly voice over. I don't know.

That's why I like TV. I find it fascinating the power those stories have to twist and turn your emotions in whichever direction the writers choose.

Now my DVDs have arrived and I can get back to watching Tru Blood. By the end of the week I may actually crawl into the TV and live there.

Why isn't The Greatest American Hero a movie yet?

This weekend Syfy ran a marathon of The Greatest American Hero. I know I'm not the only person who flipped out, because that show was the shit in its day. I fucking loved this show as a kid. I mean, the theme song alone is worth the price of admission. My buddy and I almost wrecked his car once because we were speeding down a winding gravel road to get back to the cabin in time to see an old syndicated episode that was supposed to air that night.

In this time when studios are making movies out of board games and '80s TV shows, it upsets me that this deserving project gets no love, at least as far as I can tell. I haven't heard a peep about this in development.

So if I were an executive at a major studio I would make this my mission. And here's how I'd do it.

Nathan Fillion has said he would jump at the chance to play the lead, Ralph Hinkley, and of course he's perfect. He's terrific at playing a comedic character in straight fashion, which is just what this role would require.

Robert Culp's character, Bill Maxwell, is easy. Ever notice how much he looks and acts like Bruce Campbell? I mean it's eerie. So there you go. Nathan Fillion and Bruce Campbell.

For Connie Seleca's character, Pam Davidson, I think we need some ethnic diversity. This is the Greatest AMERICAN Hero, after all, and America ain't just about whitey. So I'd cast the hottest up-and-coming actress right now, Zoe Saldana. The character isn't a comedy role but she is smart and charming, so Saldana would fit it well.

I'd have Justin Timberlake remake the theme song to roll over the end credits.

Obviously you'd have to add some edge to this story because typical '80s camp wouldn't fly in 2010, but you could have tons of fun playing with this. You could really play with the idea how power doesn't have to change who you are at heart.

I would probably cut off my little toe for the opportunity to write this.

You hear me, Studio People? You get on this now please. Shoot me an email and we'll get this party started.

M. Night, still relevant

I'll say this for M. Night. Everybody's got an opinion about him, so he must have done something right.

The Last Airbender ranks a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes right now. Seven percent if you only look at the top critics. That's fucking awful.

What happened to that guy? I went through Boxoffice Mojo yesterday movie by movie to see how his films have bombed, and they actually haven't. Each film has made money, although each less than the one before, and mostly overseas.

I forgot to look up The Lady in the Water, though, because does anybody remember that movie?

Anyhow, I was in the grocery story just now at the checkout counter, and this was the conversation going when I got there.

BAGGER: Naw, I liked The Village.
CLERK: And Signs. Signs was good.
BAGGER: Signals?
CLERK: No SIGNS. Signs was good.
BAGGER: Yeah it was okay I guess.
CUSTOMER: I gotta disagree. I loved The Sixth Sense. That was the only good movie he ever did.
BAGGER: Yeah that was before he started putting himself in all his films. Sixth Sense was good, though.
ME: And Unbreakable. Unbreakable was an amazing film.
BAGGER: I heard they're making a sequel.
ME: To Unbreakable?
BAGGER: Yeah.
ME: That's a terrible idea. They need to leave good stuff good and not screw it up. He just seems to be getting worse.
BAGGER: For real. You want another bag?

He may be getting worse, but I'll say this for him: That's four people at a grocery store who were able to carry on a conversation in which we mentioned four of his films, and I think it's obvious the conversation began because he's got a new one out today. So I think as long as people still have opinions about the man, he'll still draw the curious into the theater.

Mastermind at Comic Con

I'm gonna kick it over to Michael Sullivan over at Red Right Hand today, since his fucking awesome play Mastermind has been turned into a short and will screen for the first time in public at Comic Con on July 22 followed by a Q&A. If you are going to that thing then you should go to this thing.

You've got to watch out for that guy. He's gunning for all of us.