I hope they enjoy Strong Bad Sings.

Last night while I innocently slept in my cozy warm bed, some little douchewad broke into the parking garage downstairs and ransacked my car.

I've driven a Jeep since I was sixteen. I've never locked my doors. I've parked on street corners and in parking decks and open lots all over North Carolina and Los Angeles, and this is the first time anyone has ever stolen anything out of my car and it happened in what I thought was the safest place I could park. At first, as I looked at the pile of papers the fucktards pulled out of my glove box and threw around on the seats I just laughed. Because I don't lock my doors, I don't keep a lot of valuables in the car.

Then I noticed the CDs. They weren't there. And the coat that I'd left in the front seat was gone. And my fake Gucci sunglasses that look so awesome on my little face. And my loose change for parking meters. All gone.

Fortunately they left my Bally's parking tokens. And my Serenity hat.

So I sadly got into the car, running over the list of CDs I was going to have to replace, when I realized I couldn't get out. They took the garage door clicker too.

I was an hour late to work because I had to wait for a neighbor to wake up and open the gate for me. They dock your pay when you're late on short notice.

They raised the rent this month on my apartment, so between that and the new security development I'm getting the hell out of there. My only hesitation so far has been that I love my next door neighbors and don't want to leave them. But they'll just have to come visit.

Any suggestions? I want to stay close enough to Hollywood that I can stay at my gym, but I work in northern South Central. I kind of like Larchmont but I can't afford that, I'm afraid.

On a more fun note, Query Letters I Love is back! Nobody told me! If you never read the original QLIL, it's an excellent resource for examining how NOT to write a query letter. Plus, hilarious.