Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The winner of the cookies

I'd like to say the fact that I disappeared since Thursday was due to some huge important writing project or a big event in my personal life, or even that I was deeply embroiled in a stack of essays. In fact, I became obsessed with The Tudors thanks to BBCA's season one marathon, and I made time for little else over the weekend.

I did managed to sneak in a rewrite of my script in between episodes.

As a result, my plan to announce the winner of the Cookie Contest got delayed. I do that often: get all excited about an idea and immediately spring into action, then forget to follow up in a timely fashion because I get distracted by something else shiny. It's kind of a miracle I didn't quit my move to LA somewhere in New Mexico.

I LOVED the scenes you guys did. I especially love the way each person took the same idea and ran with their own interpretations. It's a cool way to look at your identity as a writer. And I am THRILLED that Unk showed up.

In the end, although I think all of these scenes are great, as well as the two that were sent to me via email, I had to choose one cookie recipient. And although I enjoyed Unk's brevity and Hamboogul's stylistic drama, and Vanilla Chunk's quiet indie and Atlanta's brilliant Panda transformation, I chose the scene that made me snort out loud.

So congratulations, Jeff! You tapped into my love of absurdist humor and you will be richly rewarded with cookies from the Bitter Baking Company as soon as you email me your address.

Here is Jeff's scene. Still not sure why scrippets is being a dirty whore and I apologize for its stupidity:


Arm in arm, Julie and Stan exit, exchanging snickers
and glances. It's love.

Just then, wheeling in like a comet crashing to Earth,
ARNOLD... muscular, thick-necked, all man. He collides with Julie,
sending her to the ground, her coffee airborne, Stan recoiling in shock.


Good Christ!

Julie's coffee descends finally and, predictably, uses
her as its landing pad.


(to Stan) Do

Stan stares at his right hand and awkwardly curls it
into a fist like it's the first fist he's ever curled.

Eyes scrunched tight, he lets his right fly and
delivers a pathetic punch to Arnold's cheek.


That was cute Stan.
Let me show you how it's done.

With that, Arnold hauls back and absolutely levels
Stan. He won't be getting up off the sidewalk for some time. Julie
rises, dripping with coffee, tries to get to the fallen Stan.

Arnold stops her, holding her tightly by the wrist.


Wait Julie....


Get off me you
psychotic... you know me?


I go by Arnold now.
But in the PAST, I was known as...


(total reconition)
Stan? How the.... I mean...


Please listen. You
were going to dump me right after this date right?


Well... I... how did


It's all right. I
don't blame you. That guy on the pavement deserved to be dumped. I'm a
different man now. Believe me.


How is any of this


A few months at the
gym, a little space/time thingy... these things happen all the time.
Will you give me a second chance?


You went through all
that for me?

Arnold nods.


Wanna' go get a coffee
with me, we can talk about it?

Smiling, they take each other's hand and enter the
coffee shop.

On the sidewalk, Stan begins to stir...


  1. Holy cow! This is... .wow... even to be nominated is such a... well... I didn't have anything prepared but ummm....

    First off, I'd like to thank my agent, whomever he or she will be. And of course my mother.... thanks for, y'know, being Jewish because surviving a Jewish mother is a feat unto itself. And then I must thank all the little people... you know who you are... height challenged n' all... unable to reach the top shelf in your kitchen cupboard.... thanks for being like that, you're really funny when you try to do things that tall people can do... and... oh I see Doc Severinson is striking up the band, well, Bless all of you and I'm KING OF THE BAMBOOKILLERS!!!!


    OK, in all seriousness Emily... thanks so much. You're really nice to host a contest like this, little exercises such as these do tend to hone our skills and help us find ourselves and our voices.

    Besides, I have a deeply obsessive adoration for bakery...!!!

    Thanks again Emily.

  2. I never win... LOL.

    Congrats Jeff!


  3. Woo hoo! Arnold = Stan, so funny, and positively existential. So much fun reading all the entries, hearing the different voices, and doing the exercise, thank you, Emily.

    Jeff, in lieu of ovation, another absurdist anime series to recommend, Cromartie High School (...my first thought upon hearing of live action version, how are they doing Freddie Mercury on a horse). May the cookies be yummy!

  4. Congrats, Jeff! Well deserved. Also, a big thank you to Emily for hosting the contest :-)

  5. Nice Emily. I hope to catch the next contest.

    You got scrippets to work. Right on!

  6. Oh that wasn't me. Somebody else figured it out and was gracious enough to email me.

    I'm glad you guys liked the contest!

  7. 1. Congratulations, Jeff!
    2. Thanks, Em. That was fun.
    3. Scrippet is a dirty little whore.


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