Ikea beds don't require power tools, do they?

Does anybody have a drill I can borrow? Or a construction worker, perhaps a hot one, who can read schematics?

I bought a bed from Target and I can't put it together. The headboard requires a drill which I do not own, and the frame comes with eight pages of instructions I am completely unable to understand. So for now I'm sleeping on a matress on the floor. On the upside, it makes the room feel like I just moved in, which is always a nice feeling. But I got the frame and headboard specifically because they came with storage drawers and shelves, and until it's built my crap is all splayed throughout the apartment. And I almost can't get through the door behind all the wood slats lying about. I keep hoping some male underwear model with a drill and a construction job will get lost in my neighborhood and knock on my door for directions. I'm expecting him any minute now.

Insert dirty joke about drilling wood beds here.