And I don't mean drugs. And it occurs to me that if you don't teach in South Central you may not know that "to slang" is slang for dealing drugs. I like homonyms. Or are they homophones? Does anybody care?
But here's the point. After reading my first ten pages Writing Partner is concerned that my writing is "too slangy". Okay that's not a direct quote because the word "slangy" is too slangy. He actually said my writing style is "a lot like a thirteen-year-old".
He loves my dialogue. Loves the plot points. But my voice is a teenage valley girl. Like, whatever, okay?
That prompted a long discussion over how much voice a person should use in a screenplay. Is slang a bad thing? My boy went to NYU film school so he knows a thing or two about screenplays. I've got a big fancy graduate English degree on my wall from one of the nation's premiere party schools, so I know a thing or two about going to class hung over. Oh, and classic literature.
Here are a few examples of what we discussed:
1) "His mom busts in the door." Partner believes "busts" is taking him out of the script.
2) "She wears way too much makeup." He feels the use of the word "way" is where my inner teenage girl takes over.
3) "She went through the spinny door." He prefers "revolving." The nerve on that guy.
We are shooting people in this script, after all. Lots of depressing bloody scenes. Flippant writing will not do.
I do find it odd that he dislikes my adjectives. I always considered myself a minimalist writer. Shows what I know.
But that has left me pondering a question. How do you know the difference between a healthy amount of writer's voice and too much editorializing? Half the books say to leave all personality in the dialogue and leave the prose to only the necessary bits. The other half of the books say to embrace your voice so that you stand out and give the script personality. What do you think? How do you balance your natural voice with the need to only write what you see? And is slang acceptable?
I would tell Writing Partner to suck it, but he'd probably just criticize the slanginess of the word "suck".
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He's just wrong.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the spinny one.
I tend to think that the more...conversational the tone in the script, the faster and smoother it reads for the first target audience (readers, agents, etc) who have to slog through way too many scripts as it is (and may well be skipping over most of the direction and getting by on dialogue as much as possible.
The final audience will never see the script.
Hmmm, a tricky one.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand, you want to get across the tone and immediacy of the environment in any way possible, and if that takes the use of the odd bit of colloquialism, then it's probably fine.
On the other hand (in the "spinny" example), you don't want to come across to a reader like you don't know what the correct word (ie. "revolving") is. ;-)
Personally, I'd keep the local colloquialisms for the dialogue and make sure the direction is a crystal clear as possible, making for the widest section of readers "getting it".
A friend's script, that Good Dog and I have been helping out on, had things like "puking", "khazi" (for toilet - followed a few paragraphs later by "loo") and "pissed off" instead of angry contained in the direction.
It made for a trying read. Most of the time the direction kept annoying instead of informing. I'm not saying that you should make the thing read like the instruction booklet for a microwave (a white-knuckle ride if ever I heard one), but that it shouldn't kick them back out of the flow of the story.
Now, being an Englishman from the Old Country™, I'm so out-of-date it's simply unbelievable. Most likely, everyone on earth is now saying "spinny door" instead of "revolving door", but I know that if I was reading it in dialogue, I'd go with it. In direction, I'd think you didn't know what the correct word was.
That's just my opinion, and m above has it spot-on that the final audience will never see the script. m also correctly says that the readers will be mainly skimming the direction and focusing on the dialogue. However, it's always worth considering the possibility that they might not. In summary (for, of course, my opinion is worth oh-so-much...), I'd say that a conversational tone is paramount in dialogue, but potentially dangerous in direction unless there's a really, really good reason for it.
I think I'm with "m." Although I think "busts the door in" is very borderline. Just shows, everyone is going to have his or her own opinion, which probably means it's best to play it cautious, since you won't know the opinion of the particular reader who will be giving your script the "pass."
ReplyDeleteI jest. No one will be passing on your script. You're a wonderful writer, and we all adore you.
As a further note, I probably would not use either the first or third of your examples as being too informal, but the use of "way" in your second example is of different character. The others are colloquialisms, while "way" is more of an informally- (but not incorrectly-) used adjective. It's more like weak writing than incorrect writing, like using "very" with too much frequency.
However, I would probably have done the exact same thing, because the only other ways I can think of to say what you're trying to say are ways that sound much too formal and would therefore be even more likely to "take the reader out of the story" than the weak writing they would be attempting to correct.
Overall: yes, it's a tricky line to dance.
And also, "homonym" and "homophone" mean the same thing. They are synonyms. Or is it synophones? :D
Emily,
ReplyDeleteA spec is a totally different creature than a shooting script. A spec is written MORE for the reader i.e., it needs to be more visual.
That's why when you read a lot of produced scripts posted on the web, they just don't have that visual FEEL to them... i.e., they've been dumbed down to shooting status.
I'm not even going to comment on SPINNY vs. REVOLVING because I'd have to read the rest of the script but rest assured, using boring adjectives and action verbs is definitely NOT the way to go.
My advice (I'm not giving it) would be to use the action verbs and adjectives that BEST CLARIFY the visual you want the reader to see.
In my opinion, it's way TOO EARLY to start worrying about this shit anyway... Write it the way YOU FEEL IT NOW. Action verbs and adjectives are best tackled after the first draft and during a polish. Make actual passes on the draft to resolve these issues.
Stunting YOUR creativity because of shit like this so early on is NOT good for the flow...
Good luck with it...
Unk
Erm... why is your writing partner giving you notes?
ReplyDeleteIf he's a writing partner, shouldn't he just be re-writing it?
Or better yet, be at the computer with you while you type?
(Or he types. Whatever.)
tell your writing partner to chill the f out and do some writing.
ReplyDeleteWay to early to pick on words. First you gotta get the script done. If he's gonna cripple you before you're even out of the gate - what's the point?
That's "way" too much criticism. Kick his ass out the "spinny" door and tell him to get back to the computer...
If those are the only problems at the end of the script - you've got really good problems...
Burst? Is he out of his mind?
ReplyDeleteI just wrote: "He fights through the tangle of androids..."
And...
Belinda bursts out the door to room #6, sees someone running at the far end of the hallway... fires her gun again and again. Fires it until it clicks dry.
Hitting the runner with every single shot.
The runner drops to the floor - dead.
Royce blasts out the door to room #5, gun ready.
***
Like RW, I'd make sure the "spinny" was understood - and if it works, I'd keep it. The most important thing is for thr reader to understand, the second most important this is to make sure it's not boring.
- Bill
I feel so empowered.
ReplyDeleteI'd challenge Partner to a duel, but he'd obliterate me.
Thanks for the advice. We'll just chill on the criticism and write for now. We'll worry about the details later.
You guys are so smart.
I'm going to throw in my 2 cents, but I haven't read the other comments cause I don't have time--I'm late for a meeting. So forgive me if this has already been said:
ReplyDeleteI personally find it off putting when I read anything that isn't as close to standard English as possible in anything but the dialog.
"Busts" in the door would take me out of it, too. I would think "this writer doesn't know the word is bursts."
"Spinny" door? I didn't know what you meant until you mentioned "revolving."
"Way too much" was okay for me. It's a bit informal, but doesn't break any rules. I actually like it a bit because of how informal it is. It almost feels like an aside to the reader, that she wears so much makeup that it even bothers you, the writer.
When it comes to professional writers, I think they can get away with just about anything. But I know that when I read scripts from beginning or non-professional writers, anything less than perfection makes me question their skill.
So, I would be as grammatically correct as possible in the action lines.
And of course, if you're spec-ing a current show, follow what they do. The writers of LOST frequently curse in their scripts.
I read your post, Mackey. Thanks for the input.
ReplyDelete