Saturday, October 31, 2009

Why I am not afraid of Freddy Krueger

Look at this guy.

Look at his fucking sweater. It's like he picked it up in a dumpster outside a Goodwill.

Look at his fucking face. Did he put his head in a pot of boiling water and then sit in the sun for five hours? He looks like a dried peach.

Look at that hat. Why a hat? I mean, he clearly doesn't have much style because look at his fucking sweater. Is he still trying to cover that bald spot he got when he got his fucked up burned face? Is he still trying to pick up hot ladies in their dreams? Because honey, that hat is not going to do it. You should invest in a toupe or some rogaine or something.

Look at his claw hand. What the fuck is that about? Was he rooting through his mom's basement full of old ass boxes and found a collection of old thimbles he could stick hypodermic needles through? With all that sewing equipment on his hand, you'd think he'd take some of his downtime during daylight hours to fix his fucked up sweater.

Look at that pose. Is he about to break into song? Nightmare on Elm Street, the musical? Freddy Krueger does "I Dreamed a Dream"?

But mostly, look at that fucking sweater. Even my grandpa didn't wear clothes that lame.


  1. So you don't want to go on a date with him then? Because I can arrange it. And he has been asking about you.

  2. Look. I don't date old ugly dudes in stupid sweaters. Plus I've heard he's handsy.

  3. heheheheh.

    in all seriousness, I think he's fucking lame as a villian. OHHH I'M SO SCARED OF HIM!!! and his jokes are lame.

    Mike Myers and Jason Voorhees are more scary, because they rarely speak and there's an element of mystery around them. so, when you scream at them and beg them to stop, they don't respond at all, which is really scary.

    Know what I mean?

  4. Tell that to him when you are asleep and dreaming and in *his* world where you are defenseless.

    Tell it to Johnny Depp - victim #3, I think.

    There're coming to get you. Emily!

  5. Whatever. He'd be all "HAHA this is your nightmare!"

    And I'd be all "Seriously, change your clothes. You smell like a homeless junkie."

  6. All of those things MAKE me afraid of him.

    Especially the sweater.

  7. Remember 'Freddie's Nightmares' ? That show was sooooo bad. Anyway, Emily, you shouldn't be so judgemental.

  8. Anonymous8:00 PM

    too bad johnny depp didn't just pull out his scissor hands and fight him back


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