The first time we see a character on the paper is supposed to give the reader an immediate impression of who that person is.
This is something I've struggled with over the years. I'm a pretty terse writer and tend to leave character descriptions to a minimum. Writing Partner said I needed to do more. So recently I tried to jazz it up a little, be a little more clever. But Writing Partner said it was too much. So I punched him in the face.
Just kidding. Or am I?
Here's my usual way:
One of the kids, a pretty Latina, walks off the bus with her older brother. Her name is STAR, and his is JOSE.
Ok so that's definitely not enough. I get that. That was written over a year ago. This is how I did it in a short I wrote the other day:
A girl in her early twenties, GWEN, takes a Jello shot. She's pretty but not yet able to see that she's beautiful, charming but a little shy, wearing an outfit that doesn't quite show off her assets the way the other girls do.
A lot more information, obviously. But too much? Clearly it's not all physical details, but it's something the actor could portray.
Somewhere I need to find a balance I suppose.
Thoughts?
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I'd agree with Writing Partner on both counts. Somewhere in between the two would be best. I'd say to try to find one good descriptive phrase for the character, not 3-4.
ReplyDeleteI try to be brief, vague as possible with character descriptions, only nailing down character absolutes that are necessary for the story. Let my reader see the person they want to see in their head. I'm a firm believer in revealing character through action.
ReplyDeleteFor example, rather than telling the reader that Star is beautiful and doesn't fully realize it, and that she dresses more reserved than the other girls -- show this through action -- let a clique of less reserved girls walk by and give her the cold shoulder or pity look -- or let her be talking to a boy who really likes her, yet his head still turns when the other girls pass by.
Good luck!
"She's pretty but not yet able to see that she's beautiful" is editorializing; there's no way to show it. "Charming but a little shy" is borderline. That's why this seems like too much. If you could say the same thing, but visually, I'd say you were right on.
ReplyDeleteMost of my favorite scripts don't provide character descriptions beyond whatever activity the character is doing when we first see them, which, in all the great entrances, is usually very cool or interesting stuff.
ReplyDeleteDescribing what Gwen is doing in the bar would probably tell us a lot more about her than editorializing about her appearance, although, I have definitely been guilty of that in the past, and you're much more clever with words than I am, Emily.
This one is pretty good:
ReplyDelete"I'm a pretty terse writer and tend to leave chracter descriptions to a minimum. Writing Partner said I needed to do more. So recently I tried to jazz it up a little, be a little more clever. But Writing Partner said it was too much. So I punched him in the face."
I agree with Joe and Eddie.
ReplyDeleteMy own personal rule is to let the dialog do the talking, no pun intended. I think how a reader should receive character information is on a hierarchy:
1. Dialog
2. Actions
3. Description of character
what you wrote could be written this short with the same information:
ReplyDeleteGwen, 20, takes a Jello shot. She's pretty but isn't dressed sexy. She shyly looks at the other girls.
It doesn't have anything an actor can't play, it has no additional information that can't be shown onscreen and it's trough action.