Free TV

I'm trying to give away this awesome TV:


Yes, that is a cabinet TV. It weighs thirty thousand pounds but it's on wheels and I have an elevator, yet nobody on Craigslist seems to want my beautiful television. It's an RCA 27" and it was actually made in 1997 as far as I know. You have to tune it to channel 91. Why? I don't know. It's always been a big mystery. The TV works just fine, but I don't want to move it again and I bought a new flat screen instead with my credit card points.

Every time people come over they say to me, "Is that a cabinet TV? How old is that thing?"

When the Beefcake bought me a Wii for Christmas last year he gave it to me early because he was afraid it wouldn't be compatible with my giant television.

It was made in '97, I swear. It's got stereo and hookups for the old red, yellow and white cables.

I bet you wish you had a TV this cool. Now is your chance.

Look, dammit, if nobody comes and gets this television I'll have to take it downstairs and put it on the damn curb, and that's more work than I want to do right now. The TV works just fine and I watch stuff on it every day. It would look great as a movie prop. It's its own entertainment center because you can just throw everything on top of it, which is what I have done for the past eight years. And did I mention that it's on wheels? Because it's on wheels. Who has a TV on wheels? Well now, you can.

Somebody come and get this goddamn television. I live in Hancock Park and there's plenty of parking in front of my building. Plus I'll give you a free used air filtration thingee or a bag of maybe used, maybe new AAA batteries.

Preparing to move

I'm not surprised to see The Road bombing this weekend, but I'm sad to see it. We did our part. Even though I already saw it, The Beefcake and I went over to the Grove to watch it on Thanksgiving. We were originally planning to see John Woo's newest, Red Cliff, but that long a time with subtitles started to sound kind of annoying. We'll Netflix it so we can go the bathroom and get snacks.

First of all, who's the idiot who brought their 3-year-old to see The Road? You should be beaten. Of course he cried all the way through the movie. I'd cry all the way through that movie too if I was three. Fantastic Mr. Fox and as much as I hate to say it Old Dogs were both playing right next door and at the same time.

We're officially moving on Monday, but since I thought I was moving much earlier, I had the satellite cut off Wednesday. Did you know that without a subscription, you can still get Style Network, VS and every channel that sells something. Plus Pay Per View. So we can't get Comedy Central, but we can get Lady Lickers 9.

Last night we were excited to see Bloodsport, but most of the time all that's on is Supernanny. That lady is a genius. I know a couple of people who could use her help.

And did you know that the host of Clean House is one of the officers on Reno 911? I learned this because I was forced to watch Style all day. Clean House is like A&E's Hoarders but with a sassy black lady, a southern bimbo and a gay stylist in place of a therapist and a depressing soundtrack.

I am not a hoarder, but I have a lot of stuff. I have no problem throwing away stuff and I took six bags to Goodwill, but there just seems to be more, you know? I look around and think I'm almost done, and then three hours later it looks like I just started. How does that happen? Where does all the stuff hide while you're living your life? And why do I only have one walkie-talkie?

Anybody want this awesome 26" cabinet TV? I think it's the last one RCA ever made.

Thanksgiving thanks giving

Today is all about feeling grateful, so I stopped moping long enough to think about all the things I'm thankful for.

I have a house. I can't move into the house, but I have a house. A lot of incredible people helped make that happen.
I have a great boyfriend in the Beefcake. He's good people and we're good for each other.
My cat is not dead. It was touch and go there for a while, but now it looks like he'll squeeze out a few more happy years and he'll get to play in our new yard. Plus he's the best cat ever. Even the vet said so.
My mom is not dead. She almost was, but she's okay now.
I am healthy and I have a job with good benefits. Sometimes I even love my job.
I get to write screenplays whenever I feel like it. It's fun.
Chocolate. It exists.

Your turn, if you feel like it.

And happy Thanksgiving!

Sigh

In any other state in the union we would have gotten the keys to our property last night when we signed the thirty thousand pieces of paper to buy the house. Apparently there is a law in California that says you cannot fund your loan and take possession of your property on the same day. Guess when our loan funds? Today. It's a long weekend. Guess when we can get in our house? Monday. As an added bonus, we get to pay $200 for the privilege of not moving in.

Four day weekend, wasted. Instead we both have to take off work Monday and move everything in one day. Fun times. I'm trying to be positive because I just bought a house in a time when people don't have jobs, but I just feel kind of stressed out right now.

Since my tv is set to cut off today and I've already packed the DVD player and I pretty much already packed everything else, that gives me four days to clean, grade papers and work on my screenplay. And since everybody else left town, it should be pretty quiet around here. Maybe now is the time when I will have some genius inspiration that will set my career on fire.

Still, right now I'd rather be unpacking boxes in my new house.

Why we are not moving today

I'm in the middle of what one would call a clusterfuck.

We rushed like crazy to get our paperwork done for the house so we could close before Thanksgiving. I mean we busted our asses as did our agent and our mortgage broker, and got everything in under the deadline.

Then someone at the title company decided to pick our file at random to audit.

We were supposed to move in Saturday. Then today. Now, best case scenario, the sellers agree to let us have access to the house starting Wednesday. Worst case scenario, we get in the house Monday, which is November 30 and the last day I can be in my apartment, but we still have to wait until whatever time the bank officially does their loan thing. Except we still get to pay interest on the four days we can't get in the house.

I would like to personally thank Bank of America, who kept us waiting an hour and a half the other day to do something that in the end took them 10 minutes to do, and by the time it was finished we had passed a deadline we needed to close Friday. Thank you, guy who told us he'd be right back then went to get lunch. I needed this added stress so that you could get your Koo Koo Roo ten minutes earlier.

Excuse me while I scream.

Twilight is just another knight's tale

I just thought of something just now while I was typing out a response to a Done Deal post.

Twilight is a knight's tale.

This is an old story. Ever read The Canterbury Tales? Don Quixote? The myriad of knightly tales Cervantes made fun of in Don Quixote?

I'm talking about courtly love.

If you ever want to roll your eyes out of your head, read A Knight's Tale, the first tale in The Canterbury Tales. It's all about two best friends who fall in love with a woman at first sight and fight over her while she has no idea either man even exists. It's all about that hero who fights for the beautiful, unattainable woman. They call it courtly love.

That skinny emo vampire dude is a modern knight. He's strong and good looking and would sacrifice his life for the beautiful, unattainable girl he loves. He can never truly have her, but he'll do anything for her.

The girl is the modern day princess. She's on a pedestal. She's got some mystical beauty, some special element that makes her superior to all other women, and often the knight - in this case a vampire or a werewolf - falls in love with her immediately. The old knight's stories of courtly love were all about the man falling for the woman just by seeing her beautiful face. Doesn't that emo vampire love that wistful emo girl because she looks like somebody from his past or something? That's what I got from the previews. Then he sets out to protect her. He even has to sacrifice and leave her because he loves her so much. That's perfectly in line with the old knight story where he travels the world in her name, but can never have more than a handkerchief or a kiss from the woman he adores.

So it's not a new thing. It's a very, very old thing, and clearly it's still relevant. So in case you were wondering why teenagers love this stuff - teenagers have always loved this stuff. Teenagers are still naive enough to think this is what love is. They love the idea of pure love - it's the same reason they love Romeo and Juliet. It's that idea that when you love someone, fireworks explode and the universe spins in a new direction.

They don't realize that true love is your boyfriend gleefully showing you the massive shit he just dropped in the toilet.

Gloom and doom for us all

My cat is home from the hospital and today I am supposed to buy a house so I was really excited all morning, then lunch time came and the union meeting.

Over the next two years, California's education budget is slated to be short by a billion dollars. That's BILLION. With a B.

That means probably more teacher layoffs, maybe furlough days, cutting programs left and right. Maybe no more music, art, yearbook. Probably no more textbooks. We already cut out board cleaner and tissues. We've never had markers or construction paper. I'm about to run out of giant chart paper and then there will be no more. Classes will get bigger - one of my classes already has 39 kids in it, but now elementary school classes will probably go up to 30 kids per teacher. Can you imagine 30 little kids to one poor, overworked teacher?

This is where we are headed. It's a gloomy outlook.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen or what we can do. Did I mention that I just bought a house? And they're laying off more teachers? One of my friends is getting married in a few months. She's rethinking her honeymoon because she doesn't know if she'll have a job.

But beyond just me and my friends, the kids are going to suffer from this. We've been struggling for years to get them up to grade level, but now we might as well be babysitters for all the work we'll be able to do. We'll keep trying, but it just seems like the state has resigned itself to an uneducated youth. Except the private school kids. They'll still get educated just fine. Our poor Mexican kids? Fuck 'em, right? They'll never know what they're missing.

I started out today really excited about the future. Now I'm not so sure.