I like it better when I beat them up

I admit I'm having a little trouble with Jacking. I love the story and I think it has potential to be a great script, but I'm just finding hard to get up the energy to write it.

I usually write stuff with explosions and gun fights and I sail through that shit because it's loads of fun to kill people on paper. Yeah, I said it, I like killing made-up people on paper.

Oddly enough not in role playing games though. I'm always the good guy in those things which I find hilarious since one of my favorite things to do in a script is to brutally murder the nicest person in the story.

Gun and knife fights and zombie battles and giant fireballs and tidal waves are just a blast to write about. I usually run through those scenes in like ten minutes because they're so easy. I get carried away by the coolness of a martial arts move that lands a hairbrush down somebody's throat. And Not Dead Yet was full of those kinds of scenes, which is why writing it was just one awesome day after the other, with the brief exception of the time I got stumped on some technical shit.

But Jacking is different. No one will call this an action script. It's a drama, straight up, and a serious story with no explosions at all. Nobody rams a hairbrush down anybody's throat.

I still really enjoy writing it once I get going, but it's just not the blast of zombie killing. This shit is depressing and it's about teenage Latino males so I'm stretching a bit more when I write. It's harder.

I think I'm doing okay with that, though, because I'm just channeling my kids a little when I write the dialogue. I keep going back and changing a few things to match their style. For instance, most Latino kids never say "Do you have a stapler?" They only say, "You don't got a stapler?" which always makes me feel self conscious, like they're accusing me of not having the proper tools for teaching.

I'm still not used to that manner of speech, but it helped because I was able to go into my story and insert that kind of language to help the authenticity. I imagine I'll still need one of my Latino coworkers to read it for me and make sure my boys don't sound too middle class white lady.

But really, my problem with writing this, once I get beyond the time and exhaustion factor, is that it has no great action scenes. It's a lot of talking.

That's why I wrote so many pages today I think. I just wrote 6 pages in less than an hour because I was writing a shooting. That shit just flies by when I write it, and I very rarely change it much after. The dialogue is much harder than the gun fights, and this script is chock full of dialogue so it's just a little tougher than the last thing I did.

But I'm writing again, at least. I get to write another shooting and a beating tomorrow, so maybe I'll get jazzed enough about the abuse of my characters to really pop out some pages. Because violence is fun.

The killer monologue

Every year during the Oscar broadcast the Academy people have to decide which scenes to show as the example of how awesome the actor nominees are.

There's always all this passion on screen, usually part of some key confrontation between the lead and some other character, a cathartic moment with a lot of yelling or crying or emotional reveal. Sometimes I wonder about those scenes and how they came about - what makes a moment on the page that transcends simple dialogue and becomes a thing of beauty.

I've written some pretty good scenes before and I'm really proud of Not Dead Yet, but I don't think there's a scene in there that would pick up and Oscar. I mean, it's about zombies so it's probably not getting an Oscar anyway, but it's such an ensemble piece that there's no real room for one person to go ape shit on dialogue. It was written to be fun, not overly thought-provoking, although it does have its share of deeper meaning.

But tonight as I was thinking about my new project and a particular scene between the two major characters and I started acting it out. I used to do that all the time; I bought a pair of guns at the dollar store once so I could have props to run around the apartment with as I was writing scenes. It's one of the reasons I live alone.

The scene calls for a driver's license and a weapon. I grabbed a big old kitchen knife but that felt wrong. So I grabbed my cane from when my foot was injured and waved it around. And that's when I realized this character had the cane because she was injured earlier in a scene I already wrote. Instantly more interesting.

So I was holding up the cane and my driver's license and yelling at an empty corner of my apartment - you know, the way you do when you're batshit crazy - and I realized this has the potential to be one of those moments. I'm not egotistical enough to suggest that my script will win an Oscar or anything because that would be ridiculous. But I do see where those moments come from. It was there. I was standing there in my living room freaking out the cat and realizing that I know how to write a moment that an actor would kill to play.

Of course the danger here is that I try too hard and end up overdoing it. Nobody likes a preachy monologue. But maybe if I'm swinging around a cane and yelling a lot it will be cooler.

So in theory my script is awesome. We'll see how well I pull that off in reality.

Writer's Salon is a hit

Earlier today I was part of the pilot episode of The Rouge Wave's Writer's Salon.

Three other writers and I brought our laptops and our ideas to an undisclosed location in Los Angeles, where we discussed our stories and got advice from professional script consultants. Julie - The Rouge Wave's actual name - wants to make this a regular thing and I think that's a fantastic idea.

Two of us were working on dramas. Two of us were working on high concept romantic comedies. All of us had strong story ideas but a few stumbling blocks preventing us from carrying our scripts to greatness. All four of us came out of that meeting with a better understanding of where we're headed.

When I arrived, I thought my problem was that my story was too much like Crash and I was spending too much time on the wrong protagonist. It turns out that wasn't my problem at all. My problem was that I had a cool idea and some interesting scenes, but not a lot of energy pushing the story forward. There was no urgency.

So after brainstorming a few suggestions we came up with a great set of changes that suddenly makes my story a whole bunch of times better without destroying the original concept. And now I'm super excited.

Usually I don't get that kind of feedback until I've finished my first draft and hear the criticism from my writers group. This time I got it right up front. That was important. I have a tendency to get to a point in the script where I'm not sure how to proceed so I just stop and toss it. I have a feeling that would have happened her too if I hadn't gotten the advice I did today, and now this story could really be something.

So I have to say the inaugural Writer's Salon was definitely worth the time. One girl drove down from Napa to participate but I think she got enough out of it to justify her trip. I hope she went to Pink's Hot Dogs while she was in town.

Plus there were cupcakes.

Julie plans to turn this into a recurring thing, so keep an eye out for the next installment.

Page one - Jacking

Yesterday was a rough patch. In my lashing out I managed to piss off not one but TWO people. Sorry, people I pissed off.

I realized maybe one reason I was so unhappy yesterday was because I hadn't written anything in about three weeks. So I sat down and cranked out the first two pages of Jacking. That's a temporary title, by the way. I guarantee that won't be the title I end up with.

Anyway, writing pages always makes me feel better and this time was no exception. Whenever I get depressed I just remember to be proactive. Do something that you've been wanting to do and you automatically feel good about yourself. Like magic. So now I have the first draft of my opening scene.

Before I share this with you, some of you may remember the story of my mugging from several months ago. The mugging is what inspired the script, so I used it almost exactly as it happened in the opening scene.

So here you go, my new first pages:



FADE IN:

EXT. SOUTH HOLLYWOOD STREET - NIGHT

Three in the morning on a street off La Brea. A group of kids wobbles down the street, giggling. A cab pulls up and two white girls get out. They're drunk and wearing dresses without pockets. Both carry purses.

One girl, ROSE DAILY, hands the driver a carefully counted out handful of bills and both girls cross the street as the cab drives away.

ROSE
I'm sorry. Are you sure you don't mind walking? That guy gave me the creeps.

Rose, 26, is petit and sparkly, a bright little ball of drunk energy. Her companion, ANDREA, 28, carries a sophistication that shines through her inebriation.

ANDREA
It's okay. You're paying, you get to say where we get out.

ROSE
I love walking in Los Angeles. I know you're not supposed to, but-

Two LATINO BOYS wearing hooded sweatshirts move fast up behind the girls, coming out of nowhere.

One of them grabs at Andrea's purse. She resists and he knocks her to the ground, ripping the strap. He runs down the street.

The other boy grabs at Rose's purse and runs with it, but he doesn't get far.

ROSE
Oh hell no!

She reaches out and grabs the boy's hood, knocking him on his ass. In the process, Rose loses her balance too and falls down on the sidewalk.

They look at each other, both brought down unexpectedly. The Boy has a cherubic face. His head is shaved. His eyes are wide in surprise. For a second they connect, the victim and the criminal.

The boy leaps up and runs off after his friend, still holding her purse. She jumps up and out of her kitten heel shoes, tearing after him, barefoot on the pavement.

ROSE
Come back here, you son of a bitch!

But he's away and their belongings are gone.

Rose stops her chase. Andrea stands up and brushes herself off.

An EXCITED GUY rushes across the street and up to the girls.

EXCITED GUY
Oh man! I can't believe that just happened! I saw those guys come up to you and I just thought they might do something and then they did!

Rose and Andrea both stare at him. He smiles.

ROSE
You want a fucking cookie?

His smile fades. Andrea grabs Rose's arm and leads her away.

ROSE
(angry)
Thanks for all your help, man!

They head down the sidewalk, leaving the bewildered asshole behind them.

Those first ten pages

Last night while I was lying awake and going over my usual script notes in my head, I distracted myself from plotting my next screenplay by thinking about introductions. Well okay it started with my effort to rework my mugging scene to be as original as possible, and then that lead to me thinking about what makes a movie intro good.

As we all know, one of the things that readers do is throw scripts away after reading like ten pages and being bored. Whenever someone gives me a script to read I always read the whole thing, but I do admit I form an opinion on whether or not I'll like the story as soon as I read the opening sequence.

As I lay there, listening to the traffic go by on Beverly, I created a theory. I think there are two things that are key when you write your opening:

1) Make sure the opening sequence is an accurate representation of your script. By that I mean, if this is an action script then you better damn well open with a fucking action scene. X-Men 2 is all crazy action as you watch Nightcrawler hop around the White House like a maniac. When The Matrix opens you have no idea what the hell is going on, but you know it's cool when Trinity runs up a wall and knocks a couple of cops right the fuck out. Even Shakespeare knew. Romeo and Juliet opens with a sword fight and when you think about it that story is pretty much an action script. Look at Star Wars - that big space ship goes flying overhead shooting that little one and you go - oh hell yes this is about a big old space ship shooting people and shit.

So if your story is a romantic comedy then I should see some funny relationship antics right up front. A talky drama? Give me some really dramatic talking.

But it's also important that it not waste time. The opening scene to Romeo and Juliet sets up why Romeo is later deported, and it also tells us about the fighting between the Capulets and Montagues. Nightcrawler's attack on the president is what clues the X Men into what's going on, and it sets off the president's persecution of mutants. Okay so maybe Trinity's big rooftop race isn't completely vital to the plot, but it sets up the world we live in for the duration of the film, and it does hint at the treachery to come.

2) The opening scene needs to grab my ass and plant it in a chair for the duration. Yes, I prefer action so unless you have an explosion or gun battle in the first few minutes you will have a hard time demanding my attention, but you can still get it. Give me an emotion. Give me a person to care about.

The opening to Office Space is nothing but dudes sitting in traffic. But when Peter watches that old man with the walker speed ahead of him and gives up all hope of being on time for work, you get not only a good chuckle, but a good idea of who Peter is. And then when Michael Bolton locks his door surreptitiously because he's afraid of the black man selling flowers when he was busting rap lyrics two seconds ago - a laugh and a clear idea of who Michael is. And speaking of traffic, as soon as Michael Douglass steps out of his car at the beginning of Falling Down you immediately get a sense that some shit is about to hit the fan. It keeps you watching.

I think the most important thing about an introduction is not to waste any time. Some writers get all caught up in introducing the world of the main character in this laborious way so that we see every aspect of their lives and leave nothing to chance. And that's great and all and I'm glad you did some backstory, but I don't care. I want the laugh or be moved or watch something explode. Get to your point quickly and move on.

As for me, I opened Not Dead Yet with an attack almost immediately. Within the first 10 pages a mass of zombies has been taken out, an old lady is dead and a husband and wife have a break in philosophy that affects how they deal with each other for the rest of the script. So it may be a lot of things, but my intro isn't boring.

Usually I turn to gunfire and explosions to make sure my script opens with a literal bang, but this time I don't have that. I have a mugging, which is pretty exciting, but it can also be boring as hell if I don't do it right since the muggers don't actually have any weapons. And with the added bonus of not being able to use the old Haggis Crash intro, I'm going to have to work to figure out a clever way to get my reader's brain firmly focused on my script from minute one.

As soon as I figure that out I'll post my results.

I don't want to be a copy cat

Usually when I start a script I see the first 15 or so pages clear as a bell in my brain. It takes like five minutes to get them down.

This time, though, I have kind of a dilemma. It's not that I don't see the scene, it's that I'm not sure I can use it the way I want to.

I want to open with a scene of two white girls getting out of a cab and two Latino boys mugging them. Only before the mugging I want the boys to have a conversation that makes them seem relatively innocuous so we are first threatened by their appearance, then relieved when we hear them talk, then threatened again when they mug the girls.

And that would be cool and all except Stupid Paul Haggis and his stupid Oscar winning script already did exactly that in Crash. The story opens with two guys talking social issues and then robbing two white folk on the street.

First of all, I liked Crash very much.

However...

My story will not be nearly as heavy handed and preachy, and it will follow one kid and one woman instead of hitting all the racial groups around LA. And the story is so vastly different that I might make a few comparisons (It's Crash meets some random coming of age story to be determined later), but all in all my story is different enough that nobody will really accuse of anything nefarious.

Except for this stupid intro scene. Of course my dialogue will be different and the outcome of the scene will be different, but the first three minutes will probably seem eerily similar.

So what do you think? Do I go ahead with my planned intro and risk people turning off because they think I'm a copy cat? Or do I start right off with the mugging and skip the dialogue but lose some of the intended perspective on the scene? What would you do?

I feel good about this

The more I think about this 15 year old Latino boy script the more I like it. Except now he's not 15 anymore, he's 17. Last night I couldn't sleep because vacation has messed with my ability to go to bed before midnight, so I stared up at the ceiling and remembered things that have happened to my students over the last three years, things I can include in my story.

I went to Barnes and Noble on Saturday and bought two books on life inside gang territory. My kid isn't in a gang, but he lives in a gang infested area and there will be some mention of them. I want to be accurate. Plus now that school has started back I can use my students as a resource. I told them today that I was working on a project about gangs. They immediately volunteered to tell me all about it, probably because they enjoy anything that sounds like a distraction from learning about the difference between metaphor and simile.

Not Dead Yet worked because as I wrote the story in my head it naturally came together. One moment lead to to the next until each setpiece was a natural progression from the last. It was nearly effortless. I almost stalled out on this whole tidal wave scene but I called a friend and we worked through it together.

The superhero movie wasn't as easy. I knew the beginning and I knew the end, but I had no idea how to get from point A to point B, and that's why it inevitably failed. The pieces refused to cooperate and make it easy for me.

And that's also how I know this one will work. Last night as I lay there, wishing I had done a better job of readjusting to my work schedule, I watched the characters in my head move from one moment to the next out of necessity. I didn't have to push them anywhere; they pushed themselves. It was effortless.

Of course, I haven't actually tried to write anything yet so this could all be complete bullshit.

Still, I feel much better about the possibilities of this script than I did about my superhero thing. I may even write this first since the only reason I started a Pushing Daisies was to distract me from the fact that my script wasn't working. I need a second solid feature, this could be it.

I also like the idea of writing this because although it will still have the requisite gunfire and fist fights constant in all my work, it will be much more serious on a Sundancy kind of level. (And if I get any indication that it can be finished in time, I will send it to the Sundance thing so thanks for the suggestions in that direction.) This is the kind of story that people think of as deep emotional shit. You have a hard time convincing people your zombie story is deep emotional shit, but mention your coming-of-age story about a Mexican American boy who's just trying to fight his way out of gang infested South Central, and people immediately see the potential for depth.

That's good, right? One story about zombies, one story about poignant shit. That should get me some attention. Right?

My life as a 15 year old Latino boy

Tomorrow I go back to work.

So on my two month vacation I finished Not Dead Yet (I'm going to talk more about that soon) and threw it out to the world. I started a script and abandoned it, I started a Pushing Daisies which I plan to finish in time for Disney, and I thought up a new idea.

There's just not enough time to do all the things I need to do. I never did write up the proposal for journalism class I planned to put together, mostly because I was distracted by episodes of Blind Date.

I do have a tendency to drop scripts when they get too tough. I had this idea about a character with superpowers and some major social anxiety. The problem is no matter what I did I could never get the plot to work. Every page felt like garbage because I didn't believe in it, and if you don't believe in it the script won't be very good. So I'm dropping it until I figure out how to solve my plot problems.

Then the other night I was thinking about what sets me apart from other writers and what kind of individual experience I bring to the screenwriting industry. Just one thing: I'm a middle class white teacher of poor Latino kids.

Whenever people find out what I do for a living they always say either "Ooooh like Freedom Writers!" or "Oh, like Dangerous Minds!"

Sometimes they'll say I'm just like Michelle Pfeifer! One guy, when I told him I teach in South Central, asked how I liked teaching Ebonics.

Yeah I don't really like talking to racists, asshole. Besides, my kids speak Spanglish. Get it straight.

Anyway, those movies are all well and good but not horribly realistic. Most movies about teachers in the ghetto are about some white teacher who comes into a classroom where the kids are out of control and turns them around through his or her wacky methods.

Yeah that happens about never.

I don't go to my kids' homes and try to convince their parents they should care more about their children. I don't spend half my salary on supplies. When I go home, I grade papers and I think about my lesson plans, but I don't stay awake at night dreaming of how I can change their lives.

That doesn't mean I don't care. God, I care. I gave one little felon my cell number and told him to call me when he gets backed into a corner and has nowhere to turn. I teach my ass off in that room. I counsel those kids all the time. But most of the time my class is pretty standard and the kids behave like normal teenagers, and I learned my first year of teaching that if you try to "save" every kid you will drive yourself crazy with the painful futility of it all.

But that doesn't make for a good movie.

So I realized the other night that I want to write a story that's a little more realistic. I want to show that most of the time these kids have so much going on at home that although teachers can help, they can't save a kid from a crappy home life. I want to show that most teachers are not saviors and they're not evil overlords. Most teachers are human beings who care but don't kill themselves over the job.

I'm also tired of seeing movies where every Latino kid goes home to a single parent home and deals with gangs and drugs and that's his life. Most of my kids aren't in gangs. Most of them don't do anything harder than pot. Most of them don't even know how to shoot a gun. Many of them have both parents at home.

Yes, my kids are more exposed to crime than most. Every one of them could easily travel down the path that leads to prison. But in the end they have to make the decision for themselves about where they plan to end up, and their teachers can give them advice but they are in charge of their own lives. I just don't see that enough in film.

So I'm going to write a story about a 15 year old Latino male in South Central Los Angeles who has to decide whether to lead a life of crime or take the hard road. And he has to do it on his own. And he has two loving parents who have jobs and nobody beats him and he goes to school and has normal, responsible teachers who don't always know about the personal issues that sometimes make kids behave like little asshats in the classroom.

The upside of this undertaking: I feel like I have a really clear idea of my mission and my plot. The downside: my protagonist is a 15 year old Latino male. I am none of those things. I can only hope my experience with my students will be enough to let me voice him accurately. I'm going to refer to the script as Jacking.

And I really hope I don't ditch this script halfway through.