I'm on the hunt for a new rep, so to build my confidence today I'm thinking about awesome things I've written, things that made me giggle as soon as they came out of my brain, because even though I'm terribly insecure about my writing at times, I crack myself up during the first draft.
These are my two favorite lines of dialogue I've ever written:
1) "Nobody's leaving until we get what we came for, so take off your pants and fuck your girlfriend. Or fuck my girlfriend. Either way, somebody's getting fucked and you're going to fuck 'em."
2) "Hey I met like four new people yesterday and only killed one of them. Percentagewise I'm in the black."
What's your favorite line you've ever written? Share time.
Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts
Monday, April 04, 2011
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Dialogue adjustment
I watched Death Proof this weekend, and felt the same way a lot of people did. I also felt the same way I did about Inkglorious Basterrrrrrdz. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I ended up fast forwarding through most of the first half. The second half was awesome, but I didn't need to hear so many people talking about so much shit I don't care about before I got there. That whole opening could have been trimmed to a couple of scenes that would have had the same effect.
I know there are people who love that stuff, and everybody knows that one reason Tarantino makes his characters talk so much is because he's really good at dialogue. I'm all for good dialogue, but I'm more for efficiency in dialogue.
I am constantly paranoid that my scripts are too talky. Every time I write a long dialogue sequence I immediately hate it because I'm convinced that even if it's terrific dialogue, it could be better with action.
Whenever I write first drafts I write page after page after page of long, actionless dialogue sequences. The first thing I do on rewrite is cut the shit out of them. I do that by concentrating on three things: Subtext, action and conflict.
I had a bit where my male lead has just started dating the female lead. They work together, and he has just given her a dangerous job to do over the phone.
Scrippets is being whorish so the format's off, but here's what I originally had:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey Lana?
LANA
Yeah.
ELLIOT
Would it be weird if I said I liked you?
LANA
Yeah. But you can say it anyway.
ELLIOT
I do.
LANA
I like you too.
[/scrippet]
Sucks, right? Very on-the-nose, very dull. A little too cutesy.
So I thought about how I can use subtext instead of being so obvious. She's going to do a dangerous job, so he would be worried. Then I thought about actions to show that she likes him too. Then I thought about how I can have a tiny suggestion of conflict between them while still allowing their relationship to move forward. And I can do it with way less.
So here is the revised version:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey, Lana? Come back alive.
LANA
Hey, I'm a professional.
She hangs up, tries to stop the smile creeping across her face.
[/scrippet]
Better, I think. Doing less with more.
I know there are people who love that stuff, and everybody knows that one reason Tarantino makes his characters talk so much is because he's really good at dialogue. I'm all for good dialogue, but I'm more for efficiency in dialogue.
I am constantly paranoid that my scripts are too talky. Every time I write a long dialogue sequence I immediately hate it because I'm convinced that even if it's terrific dialogue, it could be better with action.
Whenever I write first drafts I write page after page after page of long, actionless dialogue sequences. The first thing I do on rewrite is cut the shit out of them. I do that by concentrating on three things: Subtext, action and conflict.
I had a bit where my male lead has just started dating the female lead. They work together, and he has just given her a dangerous job to do over the phone.
Scrippets is being whorish so the format's off, but here's what I originally had:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey Lana?
LANA
Yeah.
ELLIOT
Would it be weird if I said I liked you?
LANA
Yeah. But you can say it anyway.
ELLIOT
I do.
LANA
I like you too.
[/scrippet]
Sucks, right? Very on-the-nose, very dull. A little too cutesy.
So I thought about how I can use subtext instead of being so obvious. She's going to do a dangerous job, so he would be worried. Then I thought about actions to show that she likes him too. Then I thought about how I can have a tiny suggestion of conflict between them while still allowing their relationship to move forward. And I can do it with way less.
So here is the revised version:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey, Lana? Come back alive.
LANA
Hey, I'm a professional.
She hangs up, tries to stop the smile creeping across her face.
[/scrippet]
Better, I think. Doing less with more.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Dialogue and Seven Samurai

I really hate dialogue scenes. Actors really love those heavy speeches because then they get all emotional and try to win Oscars, so you've got to have a scene or two of real deep emotional conflict through words. On days when I write action scenes I crank them out and feel good doing it but dialogue days are like torture. It's hard to make your characters say poignant shit when you just want them to shut the fuck up and hit things.
Yesterday was one of those days. My female lead has spent her whole life doing what men told her to do, and in yesterday's installment she suddenly decided to do something on her own, which largely involved leaping out a window dressed all in black in the rain. Unfortunately to get to the leap out the window I had to make her have a conversation filled with emotional realizations and exposition. Blech.
I wrote a couple of crappy pages, thinking I'd go back on the rewrite and come up with something better once I have the bones of the screenplay installed. I usually write an action scene one time and maybe tweak it a little. A dialogue scene I can write like fifty thousand times.
I know exactly how people talk, by the way. The voice isn't the problem most of the time. Figuring out what they say is. There's a thin line between a great emotional speech and being too preachy.
Yesterday after forcing my way through two pages I rewarded myself by watching Seven Samurai because I adore Kurosawa.
There's this terrific scene in the middle of the film where our silly fool who falsely claims to be a Samurai - Kikuchiyo, played by the always incredible Toshirô Mifune - begins an emotional rant about the greediness of farmers and the cruelty of Samurai. He blames everyone in the room for the state of affairs in the village. Farmers are greedy, he says, because the Samurai steal their women and destroy their villages. Then he breaks down in tears. The old wise Samurai in charge tears up a little. "You are a farmer's son, aren't you?"
And you get right then that something horrible happened to this man when he was a child. The Samurai gets it, we all get it.
The rant was not a story about his childhood. It was a projection of his childhood trauma onto the current situation and it was way more powerful than if Kikuchiyo had sat around telling us his sob story.
This is always advice you hear, of course. People rarely say what they mean, we all know that. But seeing it on screen in such a beautiful moment from a character who's been playing the fool the entire film, that inspired me. If you have a character who never takes anything seriously, at some point he needs to break down and cry. If you have a character who's always tough, he needs to show a weakness. If you have a character who's weak, they have to have a moment of bravery. But either way, they can't know what they're doing.
So I went back to my script as soon as that scene was over and rewrote my dialogue so that my character doesn't know what she's doing. She makes a decision without realizing why. I'll still probably rewrite it a thousand times, but it's a start.
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