My Wonder Woman Cold Open

Today my buddy Hamboogul over at Done Deal posted one of his ongoing writing throwdowns. The challenge? Write a cold open for the Wonder Woman TV show you'd like to see. I managed to sneak by without participating in the other throwdowns, but since this one was pretty much aimed directly at me, naturally I have to put up my take.

I felt a lot of pressure on this one because I've talked a lot about how I'd like to write the Wonder Woman film. This is TV so my take is a little different than I'd do it in a feature, but here's what I contributed, written this morning while I gave a state standardized test:

INT. INTERNET CAFE - DAY

This place is wrecked. Two customers lie passed out on the floor, covered in spilled coffee. Computer screens are busted, chairs pulled apart, pretentious artwork smashed on the floor.

THREE GOONS advance on a woman, but not just any woman.

This is DIANA PRINCE, 19, dressed in an equestrian outfit - jeans, red tank top, cowboy boots, a pair of super thick bracelets and a headband. She's olive-skinned with dark, soaking wet hair, and she's astoundingly gorgeous if you can get past her current appearance as a drowned rat backing away from these big muscle-bound dudes.

A guy cowers a bit behind her, a cute sciency type in his late 20s, STEVE TREVOR. There's a welt on his neck. He grabs a broken chair leg and holds it out to Diana.

STEVE

You want this?

DIANA

No!

STEVE

Come on, Diana, don't be-

HEAD GOON punches her in the face. Diana grimaces, yanks the proffered chair leg. Swings it at the Goon-

And SLAMS it into his gut. He FLIES across the room, crashing into a percolator. Coffee splashes everywhere. He is OUT.

STEVE

(to the goons)

We were kind of in the middle of something, guys. You should probably head on home now.

SECONDARY GOON thinks about this, but THIRDARY GOON dives right in, grabs Diana by the waist and POUNDS her into the floor. He's got her pinned.

This gives Secondary Goon the confidence he needed. He rushes Steve, who runs like hell.

While Secondary Goon chases Steve over the obstacle course that is this cafe, Thirdary Goon tries to ground and pound Diana on the floor.

But Diana sweeps her leg around in a lock on Thirdary Goon's leg, and SNAPS it. CRACK!

Thirdary Goon screams. Diana clocks him in the face with one of her bracelets, breaking his nose, then THROWS him off. He lands a few feet away.

She reaches under a table and grabs a LASSO, whips it at him, catches Thirdary Goon around the neck. She yanks. He struggles to breathe.

DIANA

Where is he?

Thirdary Goon just wheezes. Diana loosens the noose.

DIANA

Where?

He grabs the noose and RUNS at her, full force.

Diana whips the headband off her head and flings it like a boomerang. It CRACKS right into his skull. Thirdary Goon drops like a sack of potatoes.

Diana turns to Steve, who races around the room, throwing muffins at Secondary Goon as the big guy nearly catches up to his prey.

Diana kneels over Thirdary Goon, rifles through his wallet.

DIANA

You can't run forever, Steve.

STEVE

Oh yes I can!

DIANA

You're going to have to fight some time.

STEVE

Tomorrow!

He hops over the counter.

Secondary Goon tries to follow him, slips on a coffee puddle, THUNKS to the floor.

Steve stops, spots the Goon, cheers, almost falls off the counter himself.

STEVE

See?

Steve hops down, kicks the Goon on the floor. He pours himself some coffee from one of the unbroken pots. Drinks.

STEVE

Still warm!

He offers her some.

Diana ignores him, reads some info she pulled out of Thirdary Goon's wallet.

DIANA

I've got the address. Shall we?

STEVE

Who's our back up?

Diana grabs the coffee, chugs it.

DIANA

We don't need backup, Steve. We've got moxy.

STEVE

And a gun, right? Please say we have a gun.

DIANA

Just moxy.

STEVE

I never should have pulled you off the island.

DIANA

But then we wouldn't be having so much fun, would we?

ROLL CREDITS

Naturally, this is where we'd cut to her back on the island of the Amazons and show how she got here.

To see the thread and the rest of the entries as they go up in the next couple of days, go HERE.

A scene from class about Anne d'Autriche

Every month I go to this workshop and we write stuff. Plus they give us breakfast.

Today the assignment was to become a character from history or literature who you know a lot about and do a bunch of assignments with that character. There were some pretty cool assignments, but the culminating task was to write either a eulogy or a scene from your character's life. Most people in the group write in prose, but since I do scripts I wrote mine as a script.

You may remember last month's bizarre scene. This one is taken from the life of one Anne of Austria, queen of France, on the night she and her husband finally knocked boots after years of awkwardly staring at each other from a distance.

Yes, my hero is Anne of Austria. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Anyway, here's the scene I wrote today:

INT. THE ~LOUVRE - NIGHT

In its most elegant hey day, filled with busy servants and elegant tapestries.

INT. ANNE'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

ANNE OF AUSTRIA, teenage queen of France, all blonde curls and smiles, laughs with her chief lady in waiting, MARIE DE ROHAN, in their bed clothes. Anne speaks her French with a thick Spanish accent, often forgetting words. Marie supplies those that are missing.

INT. LOUIS' BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

LOUIS XIII, teenage King of France, timid and pale, tries to read while his best friend and chief advisor, DUC DE LUYNES, paces back and forth through the room.

DUC DE LUYNES

For God's sake, man, if she could climb into your lap and still maintain her considerable dignity she would. Her only job in this world is to make you a baby. Would you please go to the woman?

Louis throws down his book.

LOUIS

What do you have against literacy?

DUC DE LUYNES

The woman is your wife. She beautiful, demure-

LOUIS

Spanish.

DUC DE LUYNES

You don't need words to fuck the woman.

LOUIS

I don't... I can't...

DUC DE LUYNES

Oh for God's sake.

He grabs Louis by the arm, yanks him out of his chair.

Duc De Luynes throws open the door, pulling Louis into the

HALLWAY

Where servants start, not sure what they ought to offer the king in his bed clothes.

Luynes drags Louis down the hall.

LOUIS

I beg your pardon, sir! I am the king and I shan't-

DUC DE LUYNES

Hush!

A bodyguard moves to intervene. Duc De Luynes puts up a hand to stop him.

DUC DE LUYNES

The king of France is off to make a baby! Do not stand in his way!

The guard backs off, amused.

INT. ANNE'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

Anne stares at herself in the mirror, pushing her breasts together.

ANNE

Better?

MARIE

Have you considered getting him drunk?

ANNE

Is it my nose? Perhaps my nose is too round.

MARIE

Your nose is beautiful. The man is an imbecile. My husband says-

The door flies open. Duc De Luynes SHOVES Louis into his wife's room.

DUC DE LUYNES

Your Majesty, your husband the king would like to fuck you now. Ah, my dear wife, shall we?

ANNE

What is "fuck"?

MARIE

You'll find out, my lady.

She touches Anne on the cheek, then grabs Duc De Luyne's hand, bows and they exit together. He grabs her ass on the way out.

Louis and Anne stare at one another. Or rather, Louis stares at her breasts.

ANNE

I am glad you have come.

LOUIS

I didn't... Luyne made me....

ANNE

Oh.

LOUIS

No, I mean... I find you very pretty, I just, I don't know if...

Anne stands up, glides toward him. A soft kiss on the cheek. He stands, frozen.

ANNE

Come.

She pulls him to the bed. She puts her hand around his neck and pulls him in. A gentle kiss.

He backs up, stares at her. Eyes meeting for the first time since, maybe ever.

He grabs her, pulls her into him. He possesses her. Finally.

FADE OUT.

The opening scene to Nice Girls

Yesterday Jabberwocky, who is apparently not named for my favorite poem, requested that I post the opening pages to Nice Girls Don't Kill. Never one to deny such a request, I have posted them.

I DO NOT WANT NOTES. Like AT ALL. At this point the script is completed and being read around town, and I've already worked this scene a number of times. In fact, if you're on Done Deal you can find the thread where I workshopped this scene. Anyway, here's the final product:

FADE IN:

EXT. PUBLIC LIBRARY - RAINY DAY

It might as well be night, as evil as that sky is. The rain is POURING hard on the pavement in front of the library. Only one car in the parking lot.

A Jeep Cherokee pulls up.

INT. PUBLIC LIBRARY - RAINY DAY

Budget cuts have hit this place hard, but there's still a bank of five-year-old computers near the entrance.

YANCY, fifties, graying, well-worn bifocals, hums as he fiddles with a few cables at the back of one of the machines. Only one light is on in the empty room.

A fist BANGS on the door.

Yancy pops up. He can barely make out a small figure in the rain.

He motions to the sign posting the hours of operation.

The fist bangs again.

He stands up and walks to the door. He points to the sign.

The figure, now clearly identifiable as a GIRL wearing a backpack, makes a motion of pleading. She's drenched.

Yancy opens the door a crack.

YANCY

I'm sorry, the library is closed on Mondays.

GIRL

(Southern accent)

Please! Honey, can I just use the phone? Mine died, and my car...

He nods, waves her inside.

She shuffles inside where we get a good look at her.

LANA. A young 30 something, wet hair clinging to her face. Absurdly hot. You want to ask her out, but you're afraid she'll eat your head after she fucks you.

Yancy hands her his cell phone.

YANCY

Here. If you-

Her phone rings. Warrant's "Cherry Pie." She ignores it.

She shoves his phone in her pocket.

LANA

This place is so quiet. I like it. Y'all still got that Dewey system?

YANCY

Listen, miss, I don't have time to-

LANA

Oh I apologize, Yancy. How rude of me. I'm Lana.

She waves, bright smile.

He begins to hyperventillate.

LANA

You got that Child Called It? I heard that's a good book.

YANCY

I didn't do it. Whatever it is, I swear. I'm not the one.

LANA

Joe thinks you got his money.

YANCY

I don't! Oh God, that's not me! I told Carl!

He falls on the floor, grabs her leg and pleads. Lana tries to shake him off. This is uncomfortable.

YANCY

Call Carl! Why would I tell him about missing money if I'm the one who stole it?

LANA

Please get off me, honey.

He clings even tighter.

YANCY

Call Carl! Please!

She tries to shake him loose, to no avail.

LANA

GET OFF!

YANCY

PLEASE!

She sighs, pulls a gun out and shoots him in the foot. He screams and lets go to nurse his injury.

LANA

Listen, honey. I'm a nice girl. I don't do that whole bamboo under the fingernail shit, but if you paw at me again I will shoot off your shriveled old Willy, put a knife in your gut and leave you to bleed to death. Are we clear?

He nods, weeping over his foot.

YANCY

Ask Carl. I told Carl.

LANA

You tell anybody else?

YANCY

I don't know... um.... I don't know!

Lana shoots him in the shin. He shouts. Her phone starts to ring again. "Cherry Pie."

YANCY

NO! Only Carl! I don't have the money I swear!

LANA

I know, honey.

She shoots him in the head. Picks up the still ringing phone.

LANA

(into the phone)

Elliot how many fucking times have I told you not to call until the job's done?

She wipes Yancy's phone of fingerprints, tosses it on his body.

LANA

No, I didn't find the money. Idiot died first.

She searches his wallet. Pulls out a twenty.

LANA

I know. You think you know somebody, then they steal your shit. You gonna have my payday in the right box this time?

(beat)

Don't get all huffy, honey, it's not my fault you're such a goddamn fuck-up.

She hangs up.

She dials a saved number.

LANA

(into the phone)

He's dead. You're in the clear.

She throws the phone down.

She looks at the body.

LANA

Let's rock and roll, honey.

She reaches into her backpack and pulls out a bottle of bleach.

She starts pouring it over the body.

LANA

(to the tune of "Cherry Pie")

She's my Cherry Pie. Motherfucker's dying and he don't know why.

Burnside pages

Nicholl's Facebook page is posting quotes from reader notes each day. So far they've both been positive. As averse to Scriptshadow's recent foray into reviewing amateur scripts. It's not really surprising that he's gotten some less than stellar work, and it must be a crushing blow to the writers, but it's all part of the learning process. Either they'll pick up and carry on or they'll disappear.

A year ago I would have given him my script as well because fuck it. If it's not ready, hey, free notes and people who will know your name for better or worse. I doubt a negative review at this stage would impact your career long term. And if it's good, hey, free exposure at just the right time. The downside is if Carson is totally off base in his review, which is possible. I disagree with him completely on at least one of my favorite specs over the years. But in the end if we remember that it's just one man's opinion and they all volunteered, we should get through this okay.

I did not submit my script because at this point there's no benefit. I have representation and I'm not too sure how much that rep would like me putting my script up to review for the public.

In the meantime, though, I thought I'd post the opening sequence to my current script just for shits and giggles. Posting the whole thing is not a good idea, but a bit can't hurt. I skipped over the first scene heading because although I'm giving a lot away, I'm not giving EVERYTHING away. Just know it's a town.


INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

The room is filled with boxes marked with the Union insignia and the word "Ammunition" along with warnings not to get near fire. The HOODED FIGURE kneels in front of a set of those boxes and pulls out and turns over a flask. Powder falls from it onto the boxes. The Hooded Figure pours it into a trail that leads to the center of the room.

A lit match. A spark. Fire.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

The Hooded Figure slips down the wall at the moment Union Soldier rounds the corner. The soldier hesitates.

The hooded figure doesn't. One kick.

The gun flies up.

The Hooded Figure rushes forward and darts a finger one, two, three different spots on his body. Soldier paralyzed.

UNION SOLDIER
HELP!

Figure pokes him one more time, then pushes him over, helpless and silent on the ground.

Smoke starts to rise from the warehouse. The Hooded Figure starts to jog away, then turns back. The Soldier lies prone on the ground next to the smoky building.

The Hooded Figure trots back, then grabs the Soldier and drags him toward the waterfront, out of harm's way.

The Hooded Figure runs back toward town, but on rounding the warehouse comes face to face with THREE UNION SOLDIERS responding to their comrade's cry.

A few black heads poke out of tents to see the uproar.

The Hooded Figure blurs in action:

Running up the wall of a house-

Spinning off the aged brick-

Landing a hard kick on a soldier's head, which rocks his brain and knocks him right out.

FRECKLED SOLDIER
Oh God, it's a Chinese!

Indeed, a Chinese style, black slipper-clad foot connects with his face.

Shaken, he tries to aim his gun at the blurry black Figure, as does his companion, but they don't stand a chance.

EXT. WATERFRONT - NIGHT

Union Soldier shakes himself loose of his paralysis and looks at the warehouse, now slightly on fire. He rushes to the harbor and grabs a bucket sitting on a dock. He fills it with water, then runs to the building.

He throws the bucket up and

BOOM!

The building explodes, blowing his charred body back a few feet.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

The soldiers still attempting to fight The Hooded Figure turn with surprise and dodge a piece of shrapnel or two. The Hooded Figure uses this opportunity to slip away, bounding between buildings. Gone, like a Ninja.

The soldiers run to the burning building, but must jump back when another box of ammo explodes. The flames lick up into the night sky over what was a sleepy little town.

Black folks in nightgowns poke their heads out of doors all down the street.

EXT. DANIEL HOUSE - NIGHT

The Hooded Figure creeps up to a largeish house that is well kept and expensive. The Figure Jackie Chans up the wall to a window on the second floor.