Stay classy, kids

I've noticed a trend with the kids ever since Myspace and then Twitter and Facebook came along: less filtering, more blurting. They think every thought they have is worthy of sharing, and as you can imagine, it drives me batty.

I have a regular saying in my classroom: "Just because you have a thought, does not mean it has to come out of your mouth." I say it so often they'll say it with me and nod, agreeing, promising to stay quiet, and then five seconds later they're sharing at top volume whatever thought popped into their addled brains regardless of the instructions I'm in the middle of giving.

The kids don't feel like stuff is private anymore. Everybody's innermost thoughts are just out there where we can all see them, and every thought they have is worth sharing.

Okay I know what you're thinking. "You're one to talk, Sharey McSharington," but the stuff I overshare is awesome. You should hear some of the crap these kids say and then repeat thirty thousand times if it gets a single laugh. It's terrible. The same damn jokes over and over, jokes that weren't funny the first time.

Most of the time when they're funny it's not on purpose.

Anyway, that's not why I started this post.

With all this social media out there and free sharing and lack of privacy, people seem to have lost their sense of etiquette.

Just because it says someone is your "friend" on Facebook does not make them your actual friend. Because you follow someone on Twitter does not make them someone you pal around with. If that were true, I'd be in a hot tub right now with Kris Holden-Reid, getting it on.

In case you haven't been following my TV star crush progression, Kris Holden-Reid is the new Jensen Ackles. But I digress once again.

My point is this: These people have business hours and business email addresses. Facebook is for personal time. Twitter is for spewing out random thoughts to anyone who will listen. It is not for you to use in pestering people.

You wouldn't go up to an agent you've never met before at a party, tag him on the shoulder and say "Read my script" would you? Okay, if you would, punch yourself because you're an asshole.

Querying through Facebook is considered by most agents and managers to be a really tasteless act. They also don't seem to enjoy you sending loglines via Twitter. There may be exceptions, but not many. And while we're at it, I discovered through personal experience that they get overly upset when you email them your query letter on a Sunday.

So here's a public service message to anyone who doesn't have boundaries - make some. If your logline is good someone will request it through the proper channels. Have some class. Just because you see this person online does not make them your friend.

Nice Girls Don't Kill Queries - round 3

Good lord, it's already Wednesday. What the hell.

I just got done with another query push. I did okay with my last one, but haven't heard back from everyone who's reading the script. I got one mixed response. (Liked it, didn't love it, send me your next one.) I plan to wait a little bit longer before I try any kind of follow-ups. I hate follow-ups, though. They sound so desperate.

Please, sir, have you read my little scripty script? Do you want to tell me how much you like it? PLEEEEEEEEASE!

So much of what we do feels like subtle - or not so subtle - grovelling.

So over the last three days I waded into boutiqueland. I went in alphabetical order through my list of managers. Before I picked only ones I'd heard something about; now I went deep into research mode and found out as much as I could about those little companies that chug along behind the scenes, getting things done quietly.

It takes work to find people who want what you've got. I'm big on fun, but some places push a long list of serious shit. A lot of firms are somewhat polarized - their scripts are all intense thrillers or ridiculous comedies. But then every now and then I found someone with a history of selling scripts like mine - fun and actiony, to the point of quirkiness.

I sent out about 20 queries this week. I got one request right away. Now I twiddle my thumbs and wait some more.

My Query Method

When I'm bored I like to take on a research project and pursue it all over the Internet. Sometimes I'll say I want a rose bush. So I spend all day looking at rose bushes, figuring out what is the best kind for my yard, learning all about them and how to prune them and whatnot. So in one day's time I suddenly went from knowing nothing about roses to knowing all kinds of great things and sounding like someone who knows things. Then the next day I'm on to something else. Lock picking or thai chi or dog training. I like learning, but I have a short attention span.

This is why my students think I know everything, because it's really easy to trick kids into thinking you're an expert on something you read two articles about.

Except calculus. They're well aware of my calculus deficiencies.

Anyhow, I took this energy for short-term research projects and put it toward querying. I go to IMDB pro and look up each company that interests me, scroll through each rep's client list, looking for writers who make material similar to mine. Then I go to Tracking Board and look up those reps, searching for what kind of deals they've made lately. Any who look like they might take a shine to my material I put on my list. I go to Done Deal and search for them to see what kind of reputation they have among other writers. If they pass inspection, I query.

I think it's important not to query the entire town, because why query people you wouldn't want to work with? Having the right manager is more important than having any manager at all, and having the wrong one can actually hurt you. I only query those I'd be happy to work with if they liked my material.

So once I have a rep in mind, I find their email, shoot them the query, and mark the date in my Word file. If they respond positively I highlight their entry in yellow and list the date I sent the script. If they respond negatively I highlight it in red and add a note about exactly why they weren't interested. Most places, of course, don't respond, so I just leave them as they are.

After a few weeks, I follow the process all over again with a new group.

I also add to this list people who've requested my script because they know me through this blog or some other place, along with a note about how they know me and why they were interested.

So far including both groups I have 28 entries on my list, with five yellow entries and two red.

This is the first time I've been so methodical about it. In the past I was sort of random, taking the approach that anybody with an office is good enough, and not really keeping an organized record.

This way I feel a little more proactive. I also feel a lot more confident about my script this week than I did before, and I think one of these people will like what I have to offer. Nice Girls Don't Kill is my point of view, my story the way I want to tell it. It's the perfect showcase of my work, and the draft I have now is as good as I can make it. Of that I'm sure.

So now I wait. And in a few weeks, see who else I can find.

Nice Girls Don't Kill Queries - round 2

I made a few changes to my script after the mini melt down I had yesterday. Not a major rewrite, but a line of dialogue here and an action there - enough to add a whole page to the script. I hope that settles the issue, but I don't know. I'm getting another opinion.

I also discovered I forgot to change my title page back after the Nicholl submission, so everyone I've sent the script to has a version with no name on it. Hope they remember who I am.

That also burned through all my connections. Every person I know who could have put this script in good hands has passed on it mostly because of the issue I described yesterday.

And unfortunately I did all my changes after I sent it away to everyone who requested it, so I hope they don't have the same problem, and I hope to get more requests.

Speaking of requests, I clearly have a decent query letter. All in all I sent out 22 queries, and I got four requests - all managers so far. So despite my angst of yesterday, the concept is NOT fundamentally flawed. My logline works. Two of the requests were sent half an hour after I emailed the query.

I'll share the query after I no longer need it, but I play up my voice because I know that's my strength.

I will most likely figure out what kind of changes I want to make, then wait a couple of weeks, then ask somebody else. And we persevere.

Nice Girls Don't Kill Queries - round 1

Spring Break starts in a few hours and I am already there. I told the kids not to ask me any questions today because I'm too tired to answer.

While I wait for Nice Girls Don't Kill to work its way slowly up the small chain of connected people I know, I'm querying. I'm very picky with my queries and am thoroughly researching each name on my list. I'm only sending the script to people I'd like to work with, people who have both a positive personal reputation and a track record of producing results.

The fact that I was once repped is irrelevant.

Over the past two weeks I have emailed 19 reps. I don't like this number because I hate prime numbers, but I can't find a 20th person I like. I queried both the big guys and a few boutiques. Not WME though because that's just pointless.

So far I have been rejected flat out at Paradigm because they don't even read unsolicited material so don't waste your time.

About 15 minutes after I sent the email, I got a request from someone who recognized my name from brief and distant online encounters. That name recognition thing really matters. He didn't read my script, though. He sent it to an assistant, so we'll see if assistant sends it up the line.

Nothing yet from anybody else, but I didn't expect to hear back so soon anyway.

I will update my progress as results come in.

Turn in your best work

I keep seeing this same terrible advice pop up in various forms on the old web: You don't have to make your screenplay that great because producers and reps and actors will just change everything anyway.

That has got to be one of the dumbest attitudes you can have, yet plenty of people have it.

Let's say you're an agent at one of the big three. You're in your office, about to leave for the weekend and you're checking your email.

Come to think of it, agents don't really check their own email, do they?

Let's say you're an assistant to an agent at one of the big three. You're in your cubicle, about to leave for the weekend and you're checking your boss' email. There's like eight hundred thousand queries in there.

You see about a dozen that sound promising, so you say what the hell, let's read these little fuckers. Some of those will be high concept, but some will just have a neat voice or a clean writing style. You send away for the scripts. You read them over the weekend, praying to find one you want to send to your boss. Your boss' day is insanely busy and you know that if you send him a piece of crap he'll smash your head in with a hammer.

I've seen Swimming With Sharks so I feel like I'm an expert on how all this works.

Anyhow, you read a dozen scripts. You choose ONE to take to your boss, one writer you think will score jobs or spec sales for the company. Which one is it? The high concept script with poor execution? Maybe, if the idea is amazing and the writing is at least competent. The generic idea executed to perfection? Or the generic idea that's practically a first draft, thrown together in a few weeks and barely proofread?

Which writer would you want to work with? The one with the good ideas? The one who busts their ass to perfect every draft? Or the one who pumps out a shoddy draft and figures it's somebody else's job to make it good?

Use your brain.

So if you like, you can crank out shitty draft after shitty draft and keep throwing them at the wall, but you'll be competing with my best work. Good luck.

Query time

When I was first looking for a rep I was just excited when anybody wanted to read my material. I didn't care who they were - I'd have run after whatever rep came along. And lo and behold, the rep who came along was actually pretty well established.

But now I'm a little pickier. I ask more questions, do more research. I'm not blanketing the town with queries. I'm picking the dozen or so agents and managers I'd most like to work with, both in the majors and in boutiques.

Being with the majors would be great, but you end up a little forgotten. When your rep only has a handful of steadily working clients you're way more important than you are if your rep works for huge stars. So at this stage, I'm less about a flashy name and more about a track record of getting clients work.

Fortunately this time around I have friends who can pass my work on, but that still takes time, so in the meantime I'm sending out those good old fashioned queries. We'll see how it goes.

How not to write a query letter

As almost a part two of yesterday's post, I bring you a query letter so horrible I did not believe it was real even though the poster of said letter swears it is.

Gaze upon its glory and be amazed. I bring you the query letter for Violet Thunder.

How do I sound as awesome as I am?

As I walked down a nearby street on my way home from getting some shit notarized, I began to think about my script and I realized I'm going to sell it. It was totally a Secret power of positive thinking kind of new wave enthusiasm moment, but I was pretty jazzed. I realized we could buy a $500,000 house instead of a $300,000 house and I could take some jujitsu lessons and quit my job and be a bazillionaire and finally land that adaptation I've been dying to work on since I read the book once in grad school. It was a pretty cool moment, realizing I was a winner.

Then I got home and wrote up my query letter to this one manager I know who reads all his query letters. I wanted to open it with "OMG you are so gonna make some money off this script because it's awesome," but that just made me sound like an idiot. Because even if it's true, bragging about how awesome you are just makes you look like a moron and everybody hates you.

So how do you get your shit to stand out? Obviously it has to have a great logline, but really a monkey could write a great logline and still produce a crappy script, and a great script might not have the world's greatest logline. I've worked on mine for a while and I feel pretty good about it, but since I have to mention the word "zombie" anyone reading it will immediately picture a B movie with some half naked, bloody bimbo lurching toward other less bloody bimbos. I made sure to mention the explosions and the flame thrower and the tidal wave, but I don't know if that's enough to get the interest going.

I did my whole "Emily Blake the blogger" persona thing where I say a lot of "anyway"s and "okay, so"s but that sounded amateur too.

End the end I said I thought zombies were the bee's knees and if you like zombies and explosions and exploding zombies at all you'll like my script.

What do you put in a query letter?