Open script: People on a raft

At first I spent like all Friday night and all day Saturday and then all Sunday morning trying to figure out what to write. Since we decided to put an offer on a house we saw Saturday, Beefcake and I decided to delay our trip to Montana by a day and that gave me Sunday to work. I sat down and spent like an hour writing and rewriting the idea I'd spent two days working on.

And not only was it 9 pages, but I hated it.

So I sat down and watched the first ten minutes of Jedi and didn't really think of anything, then suddenly I thought "People on a raft! Of course!"

Somehow Jaba made me think of people on a raft. I dunno. Then I said to myself, "Take advantage of this location." What can happen on a raft? 1 - you can fall off. 2 - it can have a hole in it. 3 - you can be stranded.

And for the really vigilant readers, yes I did use a phrase here that I used in the latest John August contest. It got laughs all around so fuck if I'm not going to use it as often as I can until it no longer works.

So here's what I turned in for round one. I thought it up in one minute, wrote it in about five, and edited it for about five. It ended up naturally coming in at 5 pages, which is always a good sign. And I feel ever so much better about it. Even if it doesn't get me a good enough score, I enjoyed writing it. My only regret is that I forgot to change their ages because I made them too old for their dialogue. Anyway, here's my "people on a raft" story:

[scrippet]
FADE IN:

EXT. LIFE RAFT - DAY

She has a gun to her temple.

She is PENNY, 23, tiny and birdlike and sunburned in her bikini, which could be why she shakes. It could also be the gun.

The finger hovering over the trigger belongs to MILES, 25, scruffy and unshaven and a little sunken in. He also looks more than a little pissed.

They bounce with the waves that roll under their day-glo orange life raft. Land is nowhere in sight.

Leaning out of the raft next to them is GAVIN, 30, hairy and portly. Gavin uses some sort of odd device constructed from his belt and a T-shirt to try to catch fish.

In the raft with them are a neoprene thermos, a beat-up towel with a picture of a bear on it, a broken paddle and a water-logged digital camera.

PENNY
I didn't do it, baby! He's full of shit!

MILES
Then where are they?

GAVIN
Shoot her, Miles. If you shoot her we can eat her.

PENNY
Oh come on. Even you aren't a cannibal.

GAVIN
Out here in the wilderness you never know what will turn you mad. I ate a grasshopper once. Hey maybe if we throw her overboard the fish will eat her and then get fat and slow and then we can catch them and eat them. More omega threes.

PENNY
For fuck's sake, Gavin, I didn't eat the granola bars!

MILES
Then how do you explain this?

Miles lifts up an empty granola bar wrapper.

PENNY
Gavin did it. I mean, he's the one deflecting all the blame to me. He looks fat.

GAVIN
I do not!

Gavin sucks in his stomach.

MILES
Penny. Listen, just tell me the truth because I love you and this gun is really heavy. Did you take the granola bars? I won't be mad. As much. Only a little.

PENNY
You have a gun to my head, Miles.

Miles looks at the gun.

MILES
Yes I do.

PENNY
Why did you even bring the gun?

MILES
I thought we could shoot stuff.

PENNY
Okay, look. Do I even look like I ate anything? Come on. I have a very high metabolism so I'm starving over here.

MILES
That's why I gave you my pesto chicken sandwich.

PENNY
I appreciate that sacrifice, baby. I would have died. That's why I haven't eaten anything else since. That's why I'm hungry now and if we get fish I need some fish.

GAVIN
Oh what a load of shit! You were lying then and you're lying now!

PENNY
Shut it, fatso!

Gavin shouts.

GAVIN
Oh my god you guys! Hold up! I got something!

He pulls up a teeny tiny little nothing of a fish, trapped in his bizarre t-shirt web.

Gavin throws the shirt with the fish inside into the raft.

GAVIN
Look what I did!

PENNY
He's so little.

GAVIN
No need to go there.

MILES
At least he's contributing.

PENNY
I didn't take the granola bars. Can I have some fish? I'm HUNGRY!

MILES AND GAVIN
No.

PENNY
Fuck you guys. I haven't eaten anything the whole time we've been here!

MILES
You ate my sandwich.

PENNY
Oh yeah. Thanks. It saved my life.

Gavin tries to cut the fish with a plastic knife but it's no good as it hops and flops all over the raft. Miles shrugs, grabs it and bites its head off.

PENNY
Oh gross!

GAVIN
That's balls out, dude.

They watch him for a second as he chews. And chews.

GAVIN
Well how is it?

MILES
Scaly.

GAVIN
Can you taste the omega threes?

PENNY
Nobody can taste omega threes.

GAVIN
Shut up, granola thief.

She lunges for him and grabs the plastic knife. She tries to use it as a projectile, which doesn't work because of physics.

Gavin pushes her and she pushes back. Gavin grabs her hair. She screams and grips his goatee.

MILES
Stop it!

PENNY
I didn't eat the granola!

MILES
Stop it! I have a gun!

GAVIN
Fuck you Penny! I wanted the oatmeal raisin!

PENNY
It tasted like shit anyway.

GAVIN
You DID eat it! I knew it!

They pound at each other again and almost rock Miles off the boat with their grappling.

MILES
Seriously, stop it guys!

PENNY
Yes! I ate the oatmeal raisin! I was hungry!

MILES
Penny!

Gavin slaps Penny in the face.

MILES
Gavin!

GAVIN
It had fruit and fiber in it you bitch! I need fruit and fiber!

PENNY
You can't have all the fruit and fiber and omega threes, you greedy dickbag!

She kicks him, knocking him fully out of the raft.

He splashes around frantically.

GAVIN
Help! Shit! Fuck, there's sharks!

He grabs at the raft and attempts to yank himself back in.

Penny kicks him again.

MILES
Penny!

GAVIN
Cut it out, bitch!

Penny leans back and crosses her arms and Gavin climbs back in and immediately lunges for her. They roll around on the raft some more, grabbing at each other's throats.

A SHOT.

Gavin and Penny sit up and stare at Miles, a smoky gun in his hands.

PENNY
Miles, honey, you shot a hole in the raft.

Indeed he did.

GAVIN
Fuck, dude.

MILES
Shitballs.

He pulls his shirt off and shoves it into the hole. He shoves the still wriggling fish body in the hole.

Gavin grabs the towel and starts to bail. As the end of the towel flips up in a graceful dance with the sky, two granola bars fly through the air and land in the water beyond.

GAVIN
Well shit.

FADE OUT.
[/scrippet]

CS Open - round one

CS Open is underway. I like this whole weekend thing. I may end up writing the thing in the car on the way to Montana. I think the people we're staying with have electricity and rumor has it they even have internet. Who knew?

I have a difficult time following directions. Two years ago I missed the first round because I didn't really follow the prompt. Last year I barely met the criteria of the prompt. The reader spent the first three pages commenting on how I didn't properly address the prompt, then crossed all that out and went "Oh" when they got to the last two pages where I finally did what I was supposed to do.

I almost made the same mistake on this one. I read the prompt:

"Your PROTAGONIST is in a jam. He (or she) had been relying on deception in order to further his objective, but his ENEMY has figured out the ruse. Write the scene in which your protagonist’s LOVE INTEREST confronts him with this information acquired from the enemy – while in staging it in a tricky or dangerous situation."

And started working on a story about a character who had already used the deception years ago but wasn't at the moment and was being confronted by the enemy, not the love interest. Typical me. I skim the instructions and then ignore them.

But because we have extra time I didn't screw up. I think I can use the same story and change a few elements to comply with the prompt.

One thing that surprised me was how this ended up being more difficult than I first thought. That prompt lends itself to an action plot so at first I thought - AWESOME! An action story will be easy! But it actually ended up making it more difficult to be creative. It's so action-oriented that the first five or six ideas I thought of have already been done to death.

The idea I ended up going with isn't the most creative story idea, but I think the execution is pretty clever so I hope that will get me past round one. I'm playing on my strengths - strong female protagonists with major insecurities, fight scenes, and really depressing confrontations.

I just hope typing in the car doesn't make me sick the way reading does.

In the comments, please refrain from posting your own story ideas if they're action stories. If they're comedy or romantic that's okay, but I don't want to be influenced by anybody else's take on this prompt. Until Monday, anyway. I'm sending my scene in Sunday night so Monday morning, post whatever you want.

I love a good challenge

Tomorrow at 5pm Creative Screenwriting will send out the prompt for this year's CS Open. It's too late to register if you haven't already, but if you have, they give you from 5pm Friday to 9am Monday. All times are Pacific.

This is great. I love challenges. I just don't love the extra challenge I have created for myself.

Beefcake and I were supposed to go house hunting tomorrow. There is one house in particular that - unless we see something horribly wrong with it - I already know I want. Since the prompt doesn't come in until 5 I figured this would be okay. We'd spend the afternoon looking at houses, then I could get the prompt and spend the night thinking about it, then have two days to write.

Then the Beefcake got vacation approved and suggested we drive to Montana to visit relatives. I've never been to Montana. I'm down. But we'd have to leave Sunday and we may not have Internet there. We may not have indoor plumbing there. I'm bracing myself for a middle-of-nowhere type experience unlike any I have known before.

Anyhow, that leaves me Friday night to plan my scene and Saturday to write it. Saturday mornings I join the Beefcake at his park workout and Saturday night we have an event to attend, so I've got about 6 hours to write the scene.

Except a few minutes ago my realtor texted that something came up and can we move the house hunt to Saturday?

Of all the fucking weekends.

Anyway, I'll have about 3 hours total to actually sit down and write my scene.

Of course, if we decide to make an offer on a house we may have to wait until Monday to leave for Montana, so that might end up buying me some time. But as of right now, while everybody else gets a weekend I've given myself hours.

Fuck it. Mama needs a new pair of window treatments.

Let's do this.

To Expo or not to Expo

if you're on Creative Screenwriting's mailing list you've probably been inundated with emails from them of late. Expo is upon us once more, and it's time to make some decisions.

For two years I volunteered at Expo, and the second year I had an awesome time as the volunteer coordinator's gofer, so I got to really see the thing from the inside out in a year when organization at the top was nonexistent. For the next two years I volunteered as Bill Martell's assistant, which was great because I got snuck into a part with free booze and got to sit in on Bill's classes, which are always terrific. Unfortunately Bill is all booked up this year and can't make it, more's the pity. So now I have a decision to make: volunteer again, pay, or don't go?

For new writers the Expo is an absolute must if you can. The interviews with successful writers, the workshops offered by some of the teachers, the networking opportunities - all of these things are a huge benefit to a growing writer who may feel overwhelmed by all the wheels you have to spin to get this career going.

I highly recommend the Expo to new writers. Highly.

But for me, I just don't see the sense in paying for another year at Expo, and volunteering has been handled poorly in the past, so I'm not sure I want to deal with that again. I entered Not Dead Yet in the contest, although now I'm not sure that was a good idea since I've been hearing some negative feedback from last year's winners. Still, the emails coming from CS seem to indicate some of those problems have been solved. Winners last year got their money, it would seem, but none of the promised industry exposure, which is the real prize. So I don't know.

But if you're a finalist you get tickets to the Expo anyway.

Then there's the Open. I almost considered going just for the day to do the Open, but then CS came up with a pretty brilliant new plan for that. You can now enter the Open from anywhere in the world. And I love me some Open.

The Open, for the uninitiated, is a three-part contest that in the past has taken place during the Expo. You pay $10 would go into a very cold room with 100 others and then some volunteer would hand you a prompt. You have an hour and a half to write the best scene possible within the given conditions. You get your scene back a few hours later with coverage and a score. The top 3-5% return the next day and do it again, and the top 3 of those get their scenes produced on stage. Then the audience votes for the winner. It's a terrific exercise. I've done it the past two years, gotten a higher score each year and some good thorough coverage.

This year they're changing things up by making the Open an online task. They'll send you the first prompt before the Expo and you email in your response. Then the second round is done over a weekend. The third is done during the Expo. I like it. Julie Gray and John August have similar contests on a regular basis and it's always a terrific learning experience. And this way you get coverage no matter how high you place.

So I'm just going to stay home Expo weekend and enter the Open contest, unless of course I win with Not Dead Yet.

Pitch Q

I don't really have an appropriate picture today so I figured it was a good time for Golem Cat. Because it amuses me.

Anyway.

If you went to Expo this weekend you may have noticed a booth where people were filming pitches. That was the Pitch Q booth, and I think what they have going is pretty cool so I thought I'd share it.

Now normally I think a lot of the Expo booths are just trying to take your money and offer you crap in return because a foolish amateur screenwriter and his money are soon parted - see Craig Mazin's latest post for more proof of that - but Pitch Qis actually a really good idea for a new writer with a good script.

So if you don't have a good script yet, nevermind. That's why I haven't pitched with them yet. I don't feel like my script is ready. I did, but now I don't so I'm waiting until I finish my next round of work on Not Dead Yet before I pitch it.

Anyway, if you have a good script this is how it works. You film a pitch of your script - if you don't have the equipment to do it yourself, Pitch Q has a place in town - and you upload it onto the website. Producers are able to browse the pitches and find what they're looking for.

So here is why I recommend the site, especially for people out of town who have no access to industry parties: In the eight months this site has existed, six writers who've uploaded pitches have either had their scripts optioned or landed assignment jobs. And when you think about the odds, that's pretty damn impressive.

Mel Scott, who owns Pitch Q, also offers pitch coaching. At first I was skeptical. I don't need no help, dammit. I got personality. But then I sent him my initial idea for a pitch and he gave me some tips and I thought - okay, yeah, he's right.

It doesn't hurt that of the six writers who have gotten jobs or options from posting on Pitch Q, four of them were coached by Mel.

It's pricey to be sure, but if you feel ready to pitch and isolated from opportunity, this is a genuine option. It's not a scam, it does have a success rate, and the good news is even if you don't have any money, you can still go on the site and create a profile and just look at other people's pitches. You can learn a lot about what works and what doesn't work by seeing how other writers do it.

Anyway, check it out. It's a pretty good option - much more effective than plaguing the town with query letters.

My Open scene

Congratulations to Mike! Red Right Hand won one of two awards given out to TV episodes at the Expo. He got a plaque and some money so we made him buy us pizza. Not really. We split the pizza.

Anyway, here is my Open script that didn't win. For those of you who've never been to the Expo or done the Open, it works like this. You go into a big room and some people give you a prompt and you write a scene in 90 minutes. And then the top 10% come back and do it again. And then the top 10, or in the case of this year, 13, come back Sunday to write a third scene. The top three of those get performed by a group of actors on stage. The audience votes and the winner gets the prize.

So here is the prompt I got:

Your PROTAGONIST is someone not well-regarded by the community. In fact, the protagonist's past is dark indeed, although he (or she) has turned over a new leaf. Write a scene in which an ANGRY MOB confronts him at the worst possible time.

And here is what I wrote:

[scrippet]
INT. KITCHEN - DAY

CRAIG, 23, stands in the middle of the kitchen with a piece of brown birthday cake dribbling out of his mouth. He is dressed entirely in Abercrombie and holds a half-consumed beer in one hand while he shoves cake into his cake hole with the other.

Until he sees GENEVIEVE, also 23, as she walks into the kitchen and stops suddenly.

Someone in the other room begins to blast "Highway to Hell" and several off-key voices sing along with enthusiasm.

But Gen ignores them as a seething rage boils up into her face.

Craig stops eating the cake. He spits the last piece out and it falls to the floor.

GEN
Kill.

CRAIG
NrmphrNnd!

GEN
I am going to kill you, you fucking tard nut!

CRAIG
Nrmph!

He quickly swallows whatever cake is left in his mouth as he grabs the closest weapon, the plastic fork he has been using to break off bits of cake. He aims it at Gen.

CRAIG
It was an accident!

Gen looks at the cake, or what's left of it. On top of the smeared brown icing remains only this in yellow letters:

HAP, BIR, DOM

Gen starts moving toward him, her blue eyes looking like tiny little light saber beams.

CRAIG
It was too good! I couldn't stop myself!

Gen continues to advance, paying no heed to the plastic fork. She stops and reaches into a drawer beside her and slides out a long, shiny knife.

GEN
You see this, you big douchenozzle? This is what I was going to use to cut Dominic's cake. Now I will use it to cut off your-

CRAIG
But I've changed! Gen, I'm a new man!

He doesn't let go of the fork.

CRAIG
Remember that time I ate Dom's cake? That was old Craig! New Craig would never do that!

GEN
You're saying you've changed?

CRAIG
Yes.

GEN
From who you were three minutes ago?

CRAIG
That guy was a dick. This guy is all sunshine and rainbows, baby.

She pulls the knife up to his face.

Craig throws the fork at her and backs away as it clatters to the floor. Then he thinks, then tosses the whole beer. It hits her in the neck then plashes her face.

Craig uses the distraction to whip around and flee from the kitchen.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Craig runs into the party, chocolate icing still on his chin, and slows to a casual stroll.

CRAIG
Hey, guys!

The music is still loud and people casually acknowledge him, There are about 15 early-twenties guests, mostly preoccupied with watching Dominic the body-builder attempt a keg stand on a pony keg.

Gen appears in the room, still holding the knife.

GEN
Get him! HE ate Dom's cake!

CRAIG
But that was the old me! Learn to forgive! Turn the other cheek, right?

But nobody can hear over the noise. Gen marches toward Craig, knife still in hand.

CRAIG
Ahhhhh!

He pushes people out of the way to get to the door. Just as he's almost there the song ends.

GEN
Craig ate Dom's cake!

The entire party turns to face Craig. Dominic coughs up beer.

DOMINIC
Is this true?

CRAIG
Technically, but I said I was sorry and all and I really learned from it and-

DOMINIC
Kill.

The entire party rushes Craig, who screams again and tries to escape.

Gen appears in front of him, still wielding her knife and barring him from the door.

GEN
There is no escape for you, cake eater!

The crowd shouts in agreement.

CROWD
Cake eater! Cake eater!

As the crowd closes in, Gen stands back and pulls a piece of cake out of her pocket. She chews apathetically on it while Craig disappears into the chanting mob.
[/scrippet]

And here was the coverage:

The best part of the scene is the disproportionate outrage and false sincerity of Craig's actions. A little more indication of social standing or backstory could clarify the "not well regarded by the community" aspect. The scene could do more to expand the conflict between Craig and the mob (especially from Dominic, whose genuine pain could get more mileage). Otherwise, it's a fun, lively scene with strong mechanics and good presentation. Keep up the good work.

Another year, another missed second round

I began my morning getting punched in the throat by a 25 lb medicine ball. It did not feel good. You have to be careful when you let Beefcakes teach you weight training lessons because sometimes they don't realize that you cannot catch a 25 lb medicine ball when it's thrown at your neck with full momentum.

Then I went to the Expo.

I did the Open. The prompt was basically this: Your protagonist is someone unloved by society but has changed his ways. Now he is confronted by an angry mob.

So at first when I went in I thought it would be a good idea to try making up some character details and backstory to save time so all I had to do was alter a character I already created. So I planned to use what happened to me with the medicine ball that morning.

When I read the prompt I started to write a story about a former beauty queen who has aged and gotten fat and wants to get back to being beautiful so she takes a weight training class but everybody else in the class resents her and attacks her with medicine balls.

But I got about a page and a half in and realized it was boring as hell.

I have a formula for short films. Not on purpose, mind you, but I've noticed that all my shorts have a common style: an unnecessarily extreme reacting to events, a gun or knife used to threaten, quirkily repetitive dialogue a la Pushing Daisies.

This beauty queen thing was not my style.

So I walked up to Jim Cirile and asked him if I could have a new copy of the prompt. And I just started writing with a vague idea of a story and no outline.

I'll post the pages tomorrow together with my coverage, but for now I'll just share a lesson I learned.

I was about four pages in when I decided this was crap too. It was better crap, but I felt a little confused since I didn't outline. So I figured I had already lost so I rushed the last couple of pages, didn't reread it and threw it in the basket up front.

And when I got it back the score was 89. The cutoff for the top 10% was 91.

So I learned a few lessons from this. First of all, I'm getting better. Last year I got an 86 I think. I also need to learn to maybe not be so damn critical because I write better than I think I do, but also trust my instincts because that first attempt really was bad and if I hadn't started over I would have gotten a much lower score. But maybe if I hadn't determined my suckiness I might have written the ending better, and the ending is what kept me out of the top 10%.

And the truth is, when I picked up my script three hours after I wrote it I reread it and realized it was a lot better than I had originally thought, so clearly I need to cut myself some slack.

I'll post it tomorrow or Monday.

Expo day one lessons

Today is Homecoming so there were cupcakes this morning for all the teachers so we could be like Goooooooo team! and shit, and then there was a pep rally and now my class is watching Vertigo as part of our noir series and I'm coming down from my sugar rush and I was out late last night so now I'm like ugh.

Vertigo is pretty awesome.

Yesterday I made it to the Expo and spent all day hanging out with Bill Martell. Even though I've heard almost all his classes before, I still like listening to Bill talk. I get new ideas from him all the time.

One of the things I was told was weak in my zombie script is that I kill all the zombies the same way. I have this scene where my female lead kills a bunch of zombies in a pharmacy, so while Bill was talking I got an idea to write down all the ways one can kill a zombie in a pharmacy. And immediately I thought of a much more interesting and tension filled scene.

Before my lead grabbed a broom and swung it around, taking out zombies left and right. This time my lead throws bottles and other objects and kicks and stumbles, and the scene is in general a lot more intense.

That's really why I go to the Expo. I sit in a room with my script in the back of my mind, and every time I hear some advice I think about how I can use it in whatever project I'm working on.

That and the networking. I made three new friends yesterday. Hi new friends!

I like giving my business cards to people because they're pretty.

I don't think I'll be at the Expo today. It's the day we take the senior class picture and if I'm not there it all goes to hell, plus I'm very sleepy.

But I'll definitely be there Saturday and Sunday, hopefully rocking the Open, and then cheering on old Sullivan, who's up for an award for his Mad Men spec. And then when he wins I will hit him on the head and steal his award and run. That is, assuming I have the energy.

Eh.

Yesterday Beefcake and I went to the zoo. Apparently so did every person in the greater Los Angeles area who possessed a small child. It made us both very tired so I had no energy for a post yesterday.

Anyway, I will be at Expo this weekend but in a limited capacity. For me this was the worst possible week they could have scheduled the thing. We have that earthquake drill tomorrow and then Homecoming is Friday so we're taking the senior class picture for yearbook and Saturday morning I'm doing a whole thing and Saturday night there's another whole thing and I'm somehow going to try to cram in Expo time.

I will be there some on Thursday and I will definitely try the Open. I may not be there Friday at all but I will be back Saturday if I advance in the Open and I will be there Sunday evening to see if a certain someone wins the whole shebang with his TV episode. I unfortunately did not advance because I suck.

I'm pretty sad about that, especially since I submitted not only Not Dead Yet but also my favorite short script, The Corner. I'm doing some real soul searching at this moment, trying to figure out if my perception of my own talent is really that far off.

What if I'm one of those sucky American Idol people who think they can sing but can't? What if I sound like a hyena on crack?

I know, I know, it's just one contest and it's just one script. It's just - this is the first script I've ever written that I feel 100% confident about. What if that confidence is completely misplaced?

I'd better finish my next script so I don't get depressed and eat a whole bundt cake for dinner.

In the meantime, I might see you at the Expo or a might not. I'm gonna bust my ass to do well in the Open though. I need some restored confidence.

Thoughts about expo

Expo's coming up again in a couple of weeks. I plan to go, although I'm not sure in what capacity yet. This year for the first time I can actually afford to pay for it but since I've actually enjoyed volunteering the past three years I don't really want to pay. Anybody need an assistant? I got spoiled last year. I liked being an assistant. But if nobody needs me I'll probably just join the volunteer group depending on what the circumstances are this year.

I like Expo. I like how easy it is to start conversations with other writers and how positive the atmosphere generally tends to be, except when you go to the pitch room. There are usually some unhappy faces in there.

Last year I met Red Right Hand there and now he's a good friend. A couple of years ago I met Maggie there and now she's a good friend. Who will I meet this year? If you see me feel free to come up and say hi. I like making new friends.

Some of the seminars are good and it's always interesting to listen to the guest speakers, although you have to do a little research because the majority of seminars are aimed at new writers and have little to offer the rest of us. This year with the guest speakers they're focusing pretty heavily on TV, which is no longer my primary area, but there's a lot you can learn about film from studying television. And of course William Goldman is always there. I love William Goldman. When he talks I feel like a kid at storytime.

Last year for the first time I did the Open. I didn't do so well, but I learned something I plan to take into this year's Open so I can at least advance to the second round. I really liked doing that, even though it hurt my hand because I don't hold a pencil properly.

I teach not too far from where the Expo is taking place this year so I think in a few days I'll list a few good places to eat and stuff in the area.

Some tips for the noobs

The other day - okay like two months ago - a first time screenwriter I'd given some advice to asked me to read his screenplay. After much hemming and hawing, I finally got around to reading it yesterday and made some notes.

It's been a long time since I read a first script. Oh man.

First let me say, this guy has what it takes in the attitude department. Not only does he take criticism well, but he begs for it. He doesn't get defensive or angry, he listens to suggestion and acts on it, and he has a real passion for the craft. And that's the only reason I agreed to read his script.

In the end, however, I only read ten pages because I realized he needed to fix a few basic things before I could give him any advice on story. I wrote pages of notes just on format and structural stuff and never had a chance to pay attention to the plot. So I gave him some notes and told him to fix the style stuff and send me the next draft so I could advise him on story elements instead of rambling on about character introductions and camera instructions.

I don't know how many of my readers are first time writers, but just in case you are, here's some stuff new writers do, and here's what I told this guy:

1) Make sure the script you're using as a format reference is a SPEC script, not a shooting script. This guy had a character list right up front, the way you do in a shooting script. Spec scripts are written for the reader, not the director, so not only do you leave out camera instructions unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, but you have to make the script feel like a story unfolding on the page, not like a series of instructions for a camera crew. So read tons of spec scripts and pay attention to how they flow.

2) That doesn't mean your script is a novel. Your screenplay is in third person limited point of view. What that means is, it's written by someone who's OBSERVING the events as they happen. I can't read anybody's mind if I'm a limited narrator; all I can do is tell you what I see. Now you may read scripts that include some introspection and mind reading, but chances are excellent that the writer is better known than you and that those instances are few and far between. Instead of telling me "Anna is royally pissed off," tell me "Anna puts her fist through a wall and screams." This especially applies to character introductions.

3) Don't bore me. This is actually rule number one in my classroom when the kids do group projects. You can walk into my classroom and ask all my kids "What's rule number one about projects?" And they will echo like good little boys and girls: "Don't bore the teacher." Your script is over 100 pages long. When's the last time you read 100 pages of something boring? Probably college, and probably with a great deal of resentment. Don't spend eight pages introducing fifteen characters. Get in, get to the story, and introduce the characters as they become necessary. If your story hasn't started by page ten, you've already lost your reader.

Now, I'm not trying to come off as an expert or anything, but I'm certainly not on my first script. God knows I did a lot of this crap when I wrote my first script, but I learned over time not to do this stuff. Maybe by reading this any newbies out there can skip that part so the first person to read your first script can focus on story, not format.

I have a feeling this guy whose script I read will figure it out pretty quickly. Hell he'll probably have a career before I do.

Speaking of my career, I have another cool thing coming up. The owner of PitchQ, a website that posts visual pitches and submits them to companies, is going to guide me through the process so I can blog about it. I'm going to film my pitch for Not Dead Yet and report back on the whole experience. I thought this might be neat because PitchQ is one of the sponsors of the Expo and a prize in the screenwriting contest. Also, I'm a big skeptic about this kind of stuff so it gives me a chance to see if it really works.

So stay tuned. That should be coming soon.

Good news about the Expo

This is me at a party:

Me: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Other People: Blah?
Me: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Other People: Blah.
Me: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

So the point is, I talk a lot. I have a lot to say. I feel like I have so many thoughts that if I don't talk about them they'll build up in my brain and then I'll have to burn a safety pin and pop it into my skull to release the pressure in my head like you do when you have a blister. It's probably safer just to talk.

I just wanted you to know in case you ever meet me, like at the Expo or something. Come up and say hi, but only if you're okay with competing for conversation time because I will talk to you. Unless I'm feeling quiet that day which usually happens at 7 am or after I've watched a depressing movie.

And speaking of the Expo, I have news. Last night I met Bill Donovan, the owner of Creative Screenwriting, who is a delightful man and did not appear to mind my constant blathering. Unless he was just being polite.

Also, he makes the best tasting salmon the world has ever seen.

Anyway, if you're on the CS mailing list you got info on the Expo this week. The website is up. There's not much information yet because they're still recruiting speakers, but there are some early details.

The first thing you'll notice is that we're back at the Convention Center. So no more traveling between hotels, cramming into tiny rooms, navigating the bizarre layout of the building, getting trapped in the elevator.

And for those of you who don't live in the LA area, there is public transportation available. The blue metro line stops immediately in front of the Convention Center and there are hotels within walking distance. Parking is expensive - $10-15 a day I think - so this is good news. I'll probably ride my bike to the station and then take the train from there.

And if you went last year, which the numbers suggest you didn't, you may have noticed the volunteers. Or rather, you may not have noticed the volunteers since hardly any showed up. That's because while in the past volunteers showed up and worked one day, then got the rest of the Expo free, last year volunteers worked two days and still had to pay $5 a class like everybody else. Why the hell would anybody volunteer for that?

People with the Gold Pass are allowed in any class they want but everybody else is supposed to buy tickets. Since there were no volunteers, anybody with or without tickets or Gold Passes could walk into whatever class they wanted, rendering the Gold Pass useless.

That won't happen this year. The company that handled the volunteers has been replaced. I don't know what will happen, but I do know that volunteers won't be treated like indentured servants.

One of the other things Bill mentioned is how a lot of people stopped coming to the Expo because it tended to be the same presenters and the same presentations every year so there was nothing new on the table. He's working to offer something new this year because thankfully, he is really open to input from others. I really feel like he respected what I had to say.

So really, it's all good news. The only downside of the Convention Center is that there aren't a whole lot of places to go for lunch, but I'll do a post when we get closer of where to go if you don't want to buy the boxed lunch or go to the expensive cafeteria. If you don't mind hopping on the train for a minute, finding food is actually really easy.

I think the Expo this year might be worth the money. I still won't be paying because I'll be volunteering somehow for somebody. Because I don't actually like sitting in classes nearly as much as I love running around talking. And talking. And talking.

How I spent my weekend - year two

Suggestion number one for the Expo organizers for next year: don't schedule the Expo on the same weekend as the Halloween parties and preceding my first day back at work after an eight-week vacation.

Good gracious, I am tired.

I was recognized Saturday by a blog reader. Hi, Jane! I feel so loved.

Saturday and Sunday I went to Expo to practice my psychofance (psychofancy? psychofaniness? psychofantasia?) by spending almost all my time sitting in on Bill Martell's classes. I sold his CDs - he nearly sold out. That man is filled with wisdom, but by Sunday afternoon I kind of gleaned every ounce of it from him so I went to listen to Bill Goldman's wisdom instead for a while. His motto: "I don't know what I'm doing."

Lots of stuff was better than last year. The volunteer situation was a disaster. I feel vindicated.

I was going to take Tim Minear's class finally after missing it for two years, then he canceled. What the hell, Tim Minear?

I also tried the Open for the first time. For those unfamiliar with it, the Open is a contest where you sit in a room with a pencil and paper and eight million other writers and you have an hour and a half to come up with a scene that fits a given prompt. Unfortunately I didn't make it past round one, not because my story wasn't good, but because I ignored part of the prompt. Yep. The teacher who constantly nags kids about following directions missed out on round two because she failed to follow directions. I'm such a hypocrite.

It's a shame, too, because I honestly think I could have done an awesome job with the final prompt. Alas. No $5,000 prize for me.

I was going to post my entry, but it contains the coolest idea for a chase scene ever, so I'm going to keep it to myself and use it in my eventual Pushing Daisies spec.

Saturday night I was at the Halloween party until 4 am, of course. I'll tell that story tomorrow. It involves several Tom Cruises, Amy Winehouse and a cop.

Apparently Terry Rossio mentioned the dramatic irony debate in his interview and it got a big laugh from the crowd. I wish I'd been there.

Last night I hung out in the bar for Joel's annual post-Expo drinkathon, where I mined Bill for more advice and met some very excellent new people. I met many bloggers and when a laptop appeared we briefly considered passing around the world's fastest meme, but then opted to just drink instead. I only intended to stay an hour, but ended up being one of the last to leave because I was enjoying the company so much. I met Red Right Hand, The Rouge Wave and Shouting into the Wind among others, and it turns out those are their real names. Who'd have thought?

Red Right Hand did not realize when he met me that I would drag him all over the Expo as my partner in crime. Do not underestimate Emily's ability to persuade you to do things you didn't know you wanted to do.

So after everything I was in bed around midnight and had to be up 6 hours later. My body is not prepared for this. Trainer wants me to run today. I will not run today.

Fortunately I know my students already so they sort of shrugged off my exhaustion. I've got some very cool ideas this semester that I will share at a later date and I managed to gather just enough energy to explain them to the kids before the bell saved my poor, worn-out frame.

It's my planning period now. I think I'll go down to the car and take a nap.

Halloween pregame

Last night I went to a friend's house and hung out with eight actors. I'm exhausted from all the damn drama. Can't you people ever calm the hell down?

I love actors, but eight of them in a living room pretty much performing Anchorman from beginning to end is a bit much for me to take.

Today I'm back at work. The new principal makes everything better. I mean it's like some happy fairyland in that school. Very weird. You ask for things now, you get them. I'll be teaching SAT prep next semester because I asked. It's like an alternate universe.

At one point today while I was frantically copying dollar bills for a thing I'm doing the first day, one of my new coworkers explained to another one how he was trying to make a music CD to accompany the screenplay he just finished. I'm 99% sure it was his first script.

You should be proud of me. I kept my know-it-all mouth shut. I'll wait until I get to know him before I tell him what a massive waste of time that is.

I'm excited about Halloween. This is my favorite holiday because you get to wear in public things people aren't supposed to wear in public and the parties are always plentiful and massive. Earlier this week I had no party to go to. Now I've been invited to three. Yay!

This year, however, I am forbidden from touching the Jello shots. I'm prepared for any surprises though because I'm going as a boxer. It's a great costume. It's comfortable and has pockets, and I can keep my camera inside my glove where it will be padded in case I drop it. Plus, I defy some dude to grab my ass when I'm dressed to kick his.

I'm tying my gloves together with a shoe lace so I can hang them around my neck. I'm also taping up my hands, but I've never done that before because I usually use Mexican wraps so the tape job could look sloppy. I'm also a little concerned that people will simply think I'm Sporty Spice.

I'll probably spend most of my night at the same party as last year, but this time there will be no vomiting in the bushes, hay bales, the side of the road or Friend's toilet. There might be a bar brawl, but I'm prepared for that.

Also, don't forget to come see Bill Martell at the Expo and say hi to me if you like. I'll be there tomorrow and Sunday.

I will most likely be hungover on Sunday, so don't get mad if I seem disgusted with the world.

Expo 6 recommendations

It appears I will be attending the Expo after all as Bill Martell's assistant. So if anybody wants to drop by and say hi (or slap me in the face if you've been part of the Great Irony debate over at Wordplayer), I'll be where he is during the Saturday and Sunday sessions. And you want to sit in on Bill's seminars anyway because they're worth the $5.

If it's your first time at Expo let me give you a hand deciding what's worth your money.

I don't recommend bothering with the pitch fest unless you just want to hone your skill in pitching. Out of the insane amount of people pitching, maybe one will end in a sale. Most of the execs there don't want to talk to you and aren't being very well compensated. Listening to other people pitch at this thing, however, is a valuable education. If you can, take some time and just listen and cringe. Or you can watch this educational video.

If you're good at writing on the fly, try the Open contest. It's only $8 and is a great test of skill. This will be the first year I'm going to try it.

Most of the guests of honor are worth sitting in on, especially since you don't have to pay extra to see them speak. You learn a great deal from just listening to the experiences from successful writers. My favorite interview ever was last year's conversation between Harlan Ellison and Ron Moore, which was more like an informative comedy routine than boring interview. You should also make sure you sit in on William Goldman and listen to his great wisdom and crankiness. He's fantastic and has enough clout to tell it exactly like it is.

As for the classes, most of them are a waste of your time. The speakers spend all their time dealing in common sense. But there are a few gems that are very much worth the time and money:

Bill Martell
Two years ago I sat in on about 5 classes and felt like I actually learned something from one of them. Bill was that one. He's sold screenplays that have been produced and he runs the Script Secrets website with a daily tip that never fails to make me think of my script in new ways. He's great, and I'm not just saying that because I'll be selling his CDs after each seminar for a low price that you can easily afford because I'm saving you money right now by telling you what not to waste your dollars on.

Joel Haber
Joel's a personal friend, but also the most enthusiastic human being I think I've ever met. He brings that enthusiasm to the classroom where he waxes excited about what makes scripts work. It's basically a literary criticism course from the perspective of the studio reader, which is a job Joel has held for many years. He knows what will get past the reader because he was one, and now he is also a professional writer working on his first feature film.

Tim Minear
This one's a big favorite for anyone interested in television. In case you haven't heard, Tim Minear has written for and created some great TV shows including Firefly and The Inside. Tim treats the class like a writer's room and uses a white board to take story ideas from the group. He goes through what works and what doesn't, and breaks down what it takes to get from idea to episode. If you want to write for television you absolutely must sit in on his seminar. He's also a super swell guy. Last year he went to lunch surrounded by writers asking questions which he patiently answered, then he came back from lunch early to work a little extra time with the class.

Fran Harris
Last year one of my many jobs was to sit in a room and keep things going while that room's volunteer ran off to the bathroom. I sat in on about a dozen different classes and hers was the only one I didn't want to leave. She was amazing. In this particular case she was having people stand up and pitch their films, then the class would critique the pitch. Sometimes it was pretty harsh so bring a thick skin, but it was excellent advice and the woman is definitely not boring. I saw her later when I was overseeing lunch distribution and I told her how fantastic I thought her class was. She was very modest and pleasant and kinda sparkley. She's an empowerment coach and she empowered everybody in that room, including me.

These are the people I recommend because I've had personal experience with them. But there are other speakers I've heard good things about even though I haven't seen them speak myself.

Maggie highly recommends Bill Marsili. I've also heard good things about Jeff Kitchen and Karl Iglesias, and this year Syd Field himself will be there. I also noticed Chris Soth is on the list. I will be checking him out for sure.

Anybody got any other recommendations? Feel free to discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Why I may not go to Expo this year

For the past two years I volunteered at the Expo. I liked volunteering. When I went I didn't know very many people in this town and the Expo was an excellent opportunity to meet them, particularly last year when I ended up on the inside of things.

So this year I contacted the new group running the Expo and asked if they needed some help. A woman called me and we talked and she was very interested in hiring me to help run the program this year. I even had a personal recommendation from last year's volunteer coordinator, the fantastic John Wolff. I was excited. I would now get paid to run around like a maniac fixing things for four days.

First off, I should have been concerned when she cheerfully ignored my first suggestion. I told the woman about the rooms in the basement and how much everybody hated them and that we really should make sure they weren't in use this year and she said, "Oh well we have to use all our available space." Which means those rooms might be back. She never did ask me for any more suggestions.

But I thought, they will. They promised me a job.

But then they didn't call back. I finally emailed the woman who had been so friendly before and asked what the situation was. I received a very curt response simply stating that they weren't looking at volunteers yet. No acknowledgement that we had ever spoken before.

Whatever. I still want to volunteer. I had so much fun last year.

But then I learned that my first day back from vacation will be Friday of the Expo. It's a day filled with stupid meetings, but it's tough to get out of. And then I realized that with Halloween the following week the parties will probably all be that Saturday night of the Expo.

Then I discovered that while in previous years you were asked to volunteer one day of the week to get credit, this time they're asking for two days.

Screw that.

I already know a ton of people in LA, including several who will be at the Expo. I'm not missing Halloween so I can spend my night cleaning up for people who promised me a job then completely forgot who I was. I do support the Expo, and I might still go as a paying attendee, but I won't be volunteering this year.

This does not bode well for the event to come. And I had so much faith in these people when they were nice to me.

Expo update #1

Two years ago I attended the Creative Screenwriting Expo as a volunteer. Last year I volunteered again, then ended up working for two days as the Volunteer Coordinator's right hand.

For more on that experience, see "How I spent My Weekend" Parts One, Two and Three.

I've been moving up. This year I'll be official. If you volunteer you'll be working with me, although I'm not sure yet in what capacity exactly. No matter what I will most definitely be carrying my beloved walkie-talkie. But I have a feeling based on what I've seen so far that things will run a lot more smoothly this year.

Yes, it is at the same location as last year. But this time the new owner of Creative Screenwriting, Bill Donovan, has hired a professional marketing and event planning crew that appears to have things well in hand.

The first bit of good news is that they got the whole hotel this year, so no sharing. One of the reasons we had so much trouble last year was because half the upstairs of the hotel was taken over by lawyers. Not this time.

But I feel like I have a unique opportunity to get some suggestions from the gallery. Speakers and attendees alike out there who read my blog and attended last year's Expo: besides the cramped basement rooms, what bothered you the most about last year's Expo? What worked? What would make you come back this year?