Why I didn't send you my script

Here in the land of aspiring screenwriters we are so cynical. So many of us are terrible writers who think we're great, just like those American Idol wannabes who warble at the first round of auditions and then promise we'll see them again someday on a stage surrounded by lights of denial. You can't spit in this town without hitting some jackass with a screenplay that's going to revolutionize Hollywood and show us all how it's really done.

So yesterday when I said I had confidence in my screenplay, I can see why a lot of people hesitated to believe I had the goods to back it up.

I received a lot of requests, both publicly and privately, to send my screenplay to other writers so they could read it.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I interpreted most of those requests as tests. Oh she has confidence, does she? We'll see about that. When I'm done with her, she'll be weeping in the shower and cutting herself.

Now granted, some of these people offered to read my script when I was having problems, but most of them only offered after I said I had a good script.

And that tells me that they aren't looking to help me. They're looking to see if I'm as good as I say I am.

Look, if you want to know if I can back it up, okay. Say so. Email me and say "I'm curious about your script. Can I read it?"

I'll send it. I like the script, I'm proud of it, and it's registered so you go right ahead and read all you like.

I've been working with someone who wishes to stay anonymous, someone who has helped me heaps and piles in improving this script. We have gone back and forth, argued and discussed, read and reread the script for months now. I also have a writers group that has read it and given me notes. I have agonized over all those notes and now I feel like my script is high and tight like Dolly's breasts.

So when people offered to give me notes yesterday I was a little surprised and my initial reaction to some of you was probably not the best one I could have had. I'm just not sure how to take it when I say "I'm finished with my script!" and everybody immediately says "Oh let me give you notes! You're not done until I say you're done!"

Or at least that's how I took it.

Confidence

So after I forget how long of working on it - like a million years, I think - I'm calling Not Dead Yet officially ready for human consumption. The original version was okay, but now with the rewrite and the help of a mysterious friend, it's considerably better - better to the point where I feel confident sending it out.

I have two connections who are willing to read it and actually have the ability to get it sold or sent out as a work sample, so I sent it off to them. Of course I'm all confident and happy and love my script and - OH MY GOD I THINK THERE'S A TYPO ON PAGE 75!

It's this weird thing where no matter how much validation or confidence you have, the second you hit "send" on the email you start to freak out and wonder if you should have changed that one word on that one page to something more interesting. And what about the story? Should I have killed more people? Is the dialogue too on the nose? Is it not clear enough?

I started to go through the script again and worry that maybe I should have taken some of the advice I decided against, but then I remembered what a friend of mine read me yesterday. She read me this post from Billy Mernit's blog and I began to breathe.

He says that the most important thing in a script is for you to get the reader to identify with the main character. Even if the writing is not as crisp and clean as the gurus say, do you get involved emotionally? Do you care? Then it's a good script.

The same friend who read me that is a writer of Romcoms. I said I'd like her to read my script because if she likes my zombie script then I know it's a good script because she's not over the moon about zombies. And she said "What do you want me to look for as I read?"

And I said, "If you stop reading, tell me why."

Really that's all there is to it. A script is good if you like it. There are ways to work on your writing style and word choices and all that specific stuff they teach you in class, but in the end if a script keeps you awake and makes you want to read the next page, that's all that matters. That doesn't mean you shouldn't give a shit about grammar and form and the rest because those things are all part of making a script more readable - plus there's so much ambiguity in screenwriting already, why not do the one thing you know you can get right? But the key is always the story.

I know my story is good. And once in a writer's group meeting another group member told me that in my pharmacy scene he really thought my protagonist was going to die and he was worried.

Well that's all you really need, isn't it? If he actually thought I was about to kill my lead and he didn't want her to die? I'm satisfied with that.

So I'm just going to have to remember that when I hit "send" on the email to that William Morris agent the Beefcake knows.

[EDIT] I'm not actually trying to prove I have confidence by having someone read my script and tell me whether or not it's good. Having confidence means you don't need someone to tell you if it's good. You already know it is.

On the season premiere of "Emily's Vacation"...

This was a rough week, but it was terribly satisfying when my boss saw me at a seminar Saturday morning and hugged me because I got my grades in on time AND we finished the yearbook with time to spare. Go me. And go kids.

Now I have all the time in the world to get some stuff done. First order of business, get a haircut because man. There is a lot of hair on my head. My new hair stylist is excited about what she can do with all these pounds of hair, but I get the impression she gets excited when she finds a nickle in her pocket. No more caffeine for that lady.

After the haircut, though, I'm free to be a full time screenwriter for eight whole weeks. Editor has finished the rough cut of Game Night so now we're on the home stretch there, and I want to film a second short by the end of the vacation. It's called "Guthrie" and it stars Trainer as a lonely, depressed guy who is slowly losing his marbles. It would also make a fantastic Twilight Zone episode. The beauty of this short is that I can shoot it in Beefcake's apartment with only one cast member and props we already have, and I have friends with a camera and lights of their own, so this film will cost me only food and boom rental.

I'm on the home stretch with Not Dead Yet as well. First I'm getting together with Mel from PitchQ to hone my pitch and synopsis and logline so I can have a perfect package, then I've got a couple of agents to send it to - one of whom is a friend of a friend so I at least know it will be read, and at one of the major agencies, no less. Then it goes back to the Nicholl in its revised form, because dammit, I will prove that zombie stories can be Nicholl scripts too. I demand respect for zombie kind.

Then I'm brainstorming a new script. It's about a teenage girl who ends up in trouble when a search for her missing father brings out the people who want him dead.

Or something like that. That logline has some weaknesses, but it will do for now. I have to sleep on this story a little more because right now all I've got are some action scenes with no idea how I'm going to navigate between them.

If action movies were like porn, I'd be so rich by now. You know, instead of real plot each scene is just an excuse for more violence. I guess that's what it's like to make movies with Jason Statham.

So that's what I've got going for the vacation. First I should probably get out of bed.

Sex and zombies

I have this scene in the Not Dead Yet where a dude has to kill his woman. It's a zombie script so of course somebody has to kill somebody else they love because that's what you do when people you love become the enemy - you shoot them in the head.

Anyway, I never really thought the scene had enough impact and neither did people who read it. It was an okay scene as scenes go, but it wasn't jerking any tears or really knocking anybody out. Like that scene in the original Dawn of the Dead where they have to kill the soldier guy and you're all "Man, I liked that guy, dammit." In my story you're more like "Oh well, good riddance to that bitch anyway." And that's not really what I'm going for.

I was discussing the script with someone and the subject of sex came up. As in, I don't have any. I have this big old actiony script with not a single sex scene, even though the plot hinges a bit on a love triangle. I am American. I consider violence more appealing than sex.

I thought briefly about making two zombies have sex but then decided against it because tha is an entirely different kind of zombie film.

So I got to thinking about it, and it occurred to me that I had no one scene of the man and his wife alone together. Sure I had a bunch of scenes with them in a group but no moments for them to share what makes them truly love each other. Of course the solution to this is to create a sex scene around the man and his wife.

Much of the time I think sex in film is gratuitous. It's like hey, our actress has nice tits and we want boys to see our movie so let's make some people get naked for a ridiculously long time!

You know that scene where there's an orgy while Neo and Trinity have sex in Zion? Yeah, that scene takes up an entire chapter on the DVD.

But if you can use sex to show character - now you've got something. How does the woman react to her husband's touch? What kind of problems are they having that I can show through the way they approach sex? You can often tell how someone feels about a relationship when you see how they respond to the other person's touch. It's hard to hide the attraction factor.

I still don't think I'm making anyone cry, but I do think it makes my death scene more memorable and worth something now that I added just one little scene between husband and wife. And I definitely think it make the overall script much, much stronger to the point where I feel like this is the one thing I've been missing the whole time.

And I didn't even have to make an actor get naked.

Time to make the donuts better

Last night was writers group so I got notes on Not Dead Yet.

The good news is, things have improved. It turns out that keeping Grandma alive a lot longer was a beautiful decision because now when I kill her people are sad. Apparently I made her pretty cool. I modeled her from my grandma who is, in fact, one of the coolest people I know.

One of the better things I changed was a scene in a pharmacy where my female lead is cornered by zombies. Originally I had a scene where she pulls out a broom handle and whacks at them until her people come to save her. Then in the middle of one of Bill Martell's seminars at the Expo I decided to rewrite that scene by figuring out all the ways you could kill a zombie in a pharmacy. I made a list. Imagine that, designing a scene out of your character's surroundings, not just some contrived bullshit. So anyway I redesigned the scene based on the list I made and instead of being a badass, she ends up cornered by the drinks fridge. And the note I got on that scene was "I really thought she was about to die."

YAY!

On the downside, I still have a shitload of work to do. I need to do the same thing with my other action scenes that I did with that pharmacy. Apparently I like to write complicated action scenes that go on too long and confuse people, so I have to simplify. A clear goal, a clear sense of geography within the scene, even if it means scrapping some of my favorite jokes.

Unfortunately I also keep getting the same note over and over and even though I keep trying to fix it I guess I'm not trying hard enough: apparently my theme is still unclear. I'm hoping that some of the changes I already need to make will take care of that too because I've never been a big fan of any character standing up and waving and yelling HEY. HEY YOU. THIS IS THE THEME.

So in the end I have a lot to do here, and then I'll probably get more notes and have more work to do after that. Good thing I like zombies.

I love zombies thiiiiiiiiiiiis much

I get why George Romero does it.

While I'm waiting for today's writers group meeting so I can get notes on Not Dead Yet's newest incarnation, I'm supposed to be thinking about the other script on my docket: Fear of Clowns.

My usual creative process is to lie awake at night and tell myself the story of my screenplay until I fall asleep. Then the next night I start from where I left off and build from there until I fall asleep again. I get the best ideas this way, while I'm not trying too hard, just attempting to entertain myself until I drift away.

So last night I lay down and started to think about my little Cholo and his white friend and dogs and guns and muggings and all the other things I've got going on in my newest script, but I didn't want to. It's not that I don't like the story, because I do, but maybe I'm not sure yet how to fix the fundamental problems so I just don't want to deal with it.

But really I blame the zombies.

All I want to do all the time is think about my zombie story. Maybe that's why it's so easy to go back and revise it - I want to revise it forever and ever until the real zombie apocalypse begins. It probably won't be so much fun to think of zombies then, but at least I'll really know my game plan.

This is very dangerous, I realize. Not the impending zombie invasion, I mean, although you really should prepare. No, I mean that I just want to keep working on this script forever. It really does need work - I know that. But at some point it has to stop. I can just see myself at future studio meetings...

"What if the Bratz find this cave outside their high school and it's filled with hybernating zombies!"

Or

"Look, Mr. Eastwood, I know this is supposed to be a story about a man who's just too stubborn to live so he goes out seeking vengeance on his dead wife's killers, but what if he is actually a zombie hybrid? What if his wife is actually a zombie and he wants to get revenge on all the zombies for destroying his marriage? Eh? Eeeeeh? Think about it, babe."

Or

"Okay so Will Smith is the last man on Earth and there are these CGI zombie creatures that want to kill him but he and his dog try to save them by curing their disease and eating a shitload of Barilla pasta sauce. Doesn't that sound awesome?"

I think I have a problem. Is there a zombieholics anonymous program I can join?

My name is Emily and I like zombies.

Expo day one lessons

Today is Homecoming so there were cupcakes this morning for all the teachers so we could be like Goooooooo team! and shit, and then there was a pep rally and now my class is watching Vertigo as part of our noir series and I'm coming down from my sugar rush and I was out late last night so now I'm like ugh.

Vertigo is pretty awesome.

Yesterday I made it to the Expo and spent all day hanging out with Bill Martell. Even though I've heard almost all his classes before, I still like listening to Bill talk. I get new ideas from him all the time.

One of the things I was told was weak in my zombie script is that I kill all the zombies the same way. I have this scene where my female lead kills a bunch of zombies in a pharmacy, so while Bill was talking I got an idea to write down all the ways one can kill a zombie in a pharmacy. And immediately I thought of a much more interesting and tension filled scene.

Before my lead grabbed a broom and swung it around, taking out zombies left and right. This time my lead throws bottles and other objects and kicks and stumbles, and the scene is in general a lot more intense.

That's really why I go to the Expo. I sit in a room with my script in the back of my mind, and every time I hear some advice I think about how I can use it in whatever project I'm working on.

That and the networking. I made three new friends yesterday. Hi new friends!

I like giving my business cards to people because they're pretty.

I don't think I'll be at the Expo today. It's the day we take the senior class picture and if I'm not there it all goes to hell, plus I'm very sleepy.

But I'll definitely be there Saturday and Sunday, hopefully rocking the Open, and then cheering on old Sullivan, who's up for an award for his Mad Men spec. And then when he wins I will hit him on the head and steal his award and run. That is, assuming I have the energy.

My ego hurts

I suck.

This is important for me to know. My name is Emily and I suck.

See, I thought I was the shit. I wrote all these crappy scripts and then realized they were crappy and tossed them aside. And then I wrote this one great zombie script that was going to finally open my doors and rescue me from oblivion.

But apparently I was the only person who realized this. The script didn't get past the first round in the Nicholl and I made all kinds of excuses: zombies don't do well in prestigious contests, people just don't get what I'm trying to do, everybody read it as a horror film, blah blah blah. And then it didn't get past the first round at the Expo. Well that was a bigger blow because I was convinced I would at least get to the finals. I mean, this script is like the best thing ever, so how could it not set the world on fire?

Just like a newbie.

And that's when I took a good look at myself. Even accounting for taste, a good script should be able to get to the second round in a contest.

So I emailed someone who's been helping me and said "Why do I suck?"

And he said, "You're filthy. When's the last time you cleaned your bathroom? And Jesus, lady, do you even OWN a vacuum cleaner?"

And then he said, "Oh you mean as a writer."

And then he told me that basically I suck less than I could but more than I should. And then he told me why.

That is not an easy thing to hear but I steeled myself. Because I would rather buckle down and do the work and admit I have a problem so I can fix it than continue living in denial about my supposed awesomeness. I could keep pretending this script is the best thing going and everybody who doesn't see that is an idiot, or I could figure out how to fix it so that it IS the best thing going.

I have a lot of work ahead of me. That's the tough part - knowing that after all this work you still have lots more work to go. I don't want to have lots more work to go. Poop.

So Not Dead Yet is back out and in revision again. I refuse to give up on it. I refuse to suck anymore.

Eh.

Yesterday Beefcake and I went to the zoo. Apparently so did every person in the greater Los Angeles area who possessed a small child. It made us both very tired so I had no energy for a post yesterday.

Anyway, I will be at Expo this weekend but in a limited capacity. For me this was the worst possible week they could have scheduled the thing. We have that earthquake drill tomorrow and then Homecoming is Friday so we're taking the senior class picture for yearbook and Saturday morning I'm doing a whole thing and Saturday night there's another whole thing and I'm somehow going to try to cram in Expo time.

I will be there some on Thursday and I will definitely try the Open. I may not be there Friday at all but I will be back Saturday if I advance in the Open and I will be there Sunday evening to see if a certain someone wins the whole shebang with his TV episode. I unfortunately did not advance because I suck.

I'm pretty sad about that, especially since I submitted not only Not Dead Yet but also my favorite short script, The Corner. I'm doing some real soul searching at this moment, trying to figure out if my perception of my own talent is really that far off.

What if I'm one of those sucky American Idol people who think they can sing but can't? What if I sound like a hyena on crack?

I know, I know, it's just one contest and it's just one script. It's just - this is the first script I've ever written that I feel 100% confident about. What if that confidence is completely misplaced?

I'd better finish my next script so I don't get depressed and eat a whole bundt cake for dinner.

In the meantime, I might see you at the Expo or a might not. I'm gonna bust my ass to do well in the Open though. I need some restored confidence.

If only I'd thought of it ten years ago

Yesterday I went to watch some friends shoot a YouTube short and ended up doing a line of voice over and posing as a hot slutty lady on some dude's arm. That's always a fun way to spend a Saturday. So now for my second ever appearance on YouTube I will be exposing my cleavage. I'm afraid I've been typecast.

What was particularly fun about this shoot is that when I got there the guys had only a vague idea of a story. Beefcake and I made a Home Depot run and when we got back there was a hilarious completed script and something of a story. So in one day the short was written, lit and shot. And it's pretty damn funny.

A friend who hasn't been a part of the whole zombie script planning situation finally got around to reading my script this weekend. The general opinion was that it's well written and the characters are well developed and there are some good set pieces and some interesting moments, but it seemed like a pretty standard zombie film.

And yet, he also said he was expecting more of a twist at the end. What if the protagonists arrive at their destination to find that everyone there has gone crazy from being locked inside all the time....

Oh, wait, that's 28 Days Later.

Okay, what if they arrive at the destination and the people try to kill the protagonists and take their children.....

Oh wait, that's 28 Days Later.

Okay, what if they arrive at the destination and the people try to kill the husband and take his wife....

Oh wait, that's 28 Days Later.

I admit when I was thinking of this story I was really worried about the similarities between this story and 28 Days Later, but there are enough differences to make mine a new story. If I gave the ending a twist it would become a copycat script. There's pretty much no way around that. I like my script, but that movie has made it much more complicated to sell.

Stupid 28 Days Later.

I am hoping that when World War Z comes out it does terrific at the box office, because then studios will be all like "Who's got a big budget zombie action movie so we can take advantage of this new craze? Oh if only somebody had a zombie movie with explosions and tidal waves and setting castles on fire!" and I will pop into frame like a hero with my perfect script.

Or, I'll just use it to get a job writing something else.

Some tips for the noobs

The other day - okay like two months ago - a first time screenwriter I'd given some advice to asked me to read his screenplay. After much hemming and hawing, I finally got around to reading it yesterday and made some notes.

It's been a long time since I read a first script. Oh man.

First let me say, this guy has what it takes in the attitude department. Not only does he take criticism well, but he begs for it. He doesn't get defensive or angry, he listens to suggestion and acts on it, and he has a real passion for the craft. And that's the only reason I agreed to read his script.

In the end, however, I only read ten pages because I realized he needed to fix a few basic things before I could give him any advice on story. I wrote pages of notes just on format and structural stuff and never had a chance to pay attention to the plot. So I gave him some notes and told him to fix the style stuff and send me the next draft so I could advise him on story elements instead of rambling on about character introductions and camera instructions.

I don't know how many of my readers are first time writers, but just in case you are, here's some stuff new writers do, and here's what I told this guy:

1) Make sure the script you're using as a format reference is a SPEC script, not a shooting script. This guy had a character list right up front, the way you do in a shooting script. Spec scripts are written for the reader, not the director, so not only do you leave out camera instructions unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, but you have to make the script feel like a story unfolding on the page, not like a series of instructions for a camera crew. So read tons of spec scripts and pay attention to how they flow.

2) That doesn't mean your script is a novel. Your screenplay is in third person limited point of view. What that means is, it's written by someone who's OBSERVING the events as they happen. I can't read anybody's mind if I'm a limited narrator; all I can do is tell you what I see. Now you may read scripts that include some introspection and mind reading, but chances are excellent that the writer is better known than you and that those instances are few and far between. Instead of telling me "Anna is royally pissed off," tell me "Anna puts her fist through a wall and screams." This especially applies to character introductions.

3) Don't bore me. This is actually rule number one in my classroom when the kids do group projects. You can walk into my classroom and ask all my kids "What's rule number one about projects?" And they will echo like good little boys and girls: "Don't bore the teacher." Your script is over 100 pages long. When's the last time you read 100 pages of something boring? Probably college, and probably with a great deal of resentment. Don't spend eight pages introducing fifteen characters. Get in, get to the story, and introduce the characters as they become necessary. If your story hasn't started by page ten, you've already lost your reader.

Now, I'm not trying to come off as an expert or anything, but I'm certainly not on my first script. God knows I did a lot of this crap when I wrote my first script, but I learned over time not to do this stuff. Maybe by reading this any newbies out there can skip that part so the first person to read your first script can focus on story, not format.

I have a feeling this guy whose script I read will figure it out pretty quickly. Hell he'll probably have a career before I do.

Speaking of my career, I have another cool thing coming up. The owner of PitchQ, a website that posts visual pitches and submits them to companies, is going to guide me through the process so I can blog about it. I'm going to film my pitch for Not Dead Yet and report back on the whole experience. I thought this might be neat because PitchQ is one of the sponsors of the Expo and a prize in the screenwriting contest. Also, I'm a big skeptic about this kind of stuff so it gives me a chance to see if it really works.

So stay tuned. That should be coming soon.

A couple of nonsequeetoorses

It feels good to be writing again after such a long hiatus.

I've got a pretty good routine going. I get up, I read for an hour, I eat some pita bread and hummus, then I write as many pages as I can until I run out of steam or I hit a roadblock.

Then I eat lunch and ride my bike or go to the gym, then do my errand running / TV watching. Then I make myself a fine meal.

I was going to try to force myself to write eight or so pages a day because I feel like I'm behind, but then I remembered what happened when I did that in the past. I used to be so eager to finish the script soon so I could start a new one that I'd write a ton of pages each day. But each script I did that on has since been scrapped.

Then I wrote Not Dead Yet at my own pace, at least a few pages each day but not forcing anything. And that script turned out pretty damn good even though Greg Beal hated it. When I get hired to do a job I'll worry about speeding up my process, but for now I want to take my time and make the script work.

I thought I knew every plot point, and I kind of do, but I hadn't really thought about transitions. Of course now that I'm thinking about the scene I'm currently stopped at I just realized how to solve my problem while I was typing this entry. Woohoo! Thanks, blog.

That works for me a surprising amount of time. When I go to write out what I'm having a problem with, I often find I write myself out of the problem.

On a completely unrelated note, since I'm watching the Republican convention, I just want to say one thing about this Sarah Palin business:

I have a vagina. She does not represent my interests. I really wish the Republicans would stop talking about women as if we're all just like Sarah Palin and will therefore vote for her regardless of what we believe in. Also, I don't live in the midwest and I'm not a redneck, but I am a real American. I was born here and everything. So, Republicans, if you could just respect me that would be great.

Except I'm not voting Republican anyway so I guess you have no motive to care. So nevermind.

I got a letter

Dear Ms. Blake,

As they return scripts week by week, Nicholl judges often remarked on the overall quality of competition entries. This abundance of good scripts made for a difficult and exacting selection process. Now, with scores tallied for 5,224 entries, we have to inform too many writers of scripts featuring intriguing stories, distinctive characters and strong craft that they have not advanced into the next round. Regrettably, Not Dead Yet was not one of the 261 entries selected as a Quarterfinalist in the 2008 Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting.

You should realize that while we strive to make the evaluation of screenplays as objective a process as possible, it is inherently both a personal and extremely subjective matter. A lack of success here may not have any bearing on your reception in the marketplace where a sale is the ultimate measure of success. I’ll even venture a prediction: several non-advancing writers will become professional screenwriters in the near future.

To tell you a little bit about the process: each script was read once. After receiving an initial positive evaluation, nearly 2,400 scripts garnered a second read. Just under 700 scripts were read a third time. Each read resulted in a numerical score being awarded. Scores for each entrant’s script were totaled, and the Quarterfinalists were selected on the basis of the highest scores.

Blah blah blah try again next year. This year you sucked donkey balls, you ugly old loser. And you’re fat. And you smell like rotten cheesecake.

Sincerely,
Greg Beal
Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting

I like it better when I beat them up

I admit I'm having a little trouble with Jacking. I love the story and I think it has potential to be a great script, but I'm just finding hard to get up the energy to write it.

I usually write stuff with explosions and gun fights and I sail through that shit because it's loads of fun to kill people on paper. Yeah, I said it, I like killing made-up people on paper.

Oddly enough not in role playing games though. I'm always the good guy in those things which I find hilarious since one of my favorite things to do in a script is to brutally murder the nicest person in the story.

Gun and knife fights and zombie battles and giant fireballs and tidal waves are just a blast to write about. I usually run through those scenes in like ten minutes because they're so easy. I get carried away by the coolness of a martial arts move that lands a hairbrush down somebody's throat. And Not Dead Yet was full of those kinds of scenes, which is why writing it was just one awesome day after the other, with the brief exception of the time I got stumped on some technical shit.

But Jacking is different. No one will call this an action script. It's a drama, straight up, and a serious story with no explosions at all. Nobody rams a hairbrush down anybody's throat.

I still really enjoy writing it once I get going, but it's just not the blast of zombie killing. This shit is depressing and it's about teenage Latino males so I'm stretching a bit more when I write. It's harder.

I think I'm doing okay with that, though, because I'm just channeling my kids a little when I write the dialogue. I keep going back and changing a few things to match their style. For instance, most Latino kids never say "Do you have a stapler?" They only say, "You don't got a stapler?" which always makes me feel self conscious, like they're accusing me of not having the proper tools for teaching.

I'm still not used to that manner of speech, but it helped because I was able to go into my story and insert that kind of language to help the authenticity. I imagine I'll still need one of my Latino coworkers to read it for me and make sure my boys don't sound too middle class white lady.

But really, my problem with writing this, once I get beyond the time and exhaustion factor, is that it has no great action scenes. It's a lot of talking.

That's why I wrote so many pages today I think. I just wrote 6 pages in less than an hour because I was writing a shooting. That shit just flies by when I write it, and I very rarely change it much after. The dialogue is much harder than the gun fights, and this script is chock full of dialogue so it's just a little tougher than the last thing I did.

But I'm writing again, at least. I get to write another shooting and a beating tomorrow, so maybe I'll get jazzed enough about the abuse of my characters to really pop out some pages. Because violence is fun.

The failure of Operation GTTMPAIRMZS

Trainer got a new client a couple of months ago. New client is a literary agent. So Trainer and I concocted a plan.

This is what Trainer was supposed to say:

"Hey, you know I have a client who wrote a zombie script and she keeps telling me how worried she is that no matter how strong her script is no agent will want to look at it because it's about zombies so they'll assume it's a B horror film when it's really a big budget action script. What should I tell her?"

I know, right? Eh? Come on, gimme some credit for that. That's good manipulative material right there.

Because at this point Potential Agent will say "Ooh, that sounds interesting. I'd love to read a big budget zombie action movie! Tell her to send it to me! Here's my card!"

And yaaaaaaay Emily gets an agent!

So here's what Trainer actually said:

"Hey, you know I have a client who's trying to be a screenwriter. What advice can you give her to get her story out there?"

So there went that cunning plan. Next time I'm writing it down.

Her advice, as it turned out, was to go to pitch fests. I find this difficult to hear because I've always been very anti-pitch fest. They take your $300 and out you in a room with hundreds of other desperate people and you all launch your stories at the agent who would most likely enjoy being anywhere else other than here right now. And somehow that's supposed to be your big break? Pfffft.

And she told Trainer that yes, most of the pitches are bad. And yes, only a tiny fraction of them ever lead to anything. But she also said a tiny fraction of them do. And if you've got a great pitch that stands out among the tumbleweeds then you might just break through the barrier.

Of course, all this was told to me via Trainer, and we've seen how well he listens.

I still don't know. Maybe I'll do the pitch fest at the next Expo. We'll see. Any of you guys have stories with pitching at these things?

I still don't believe in them, but Operation Get Trainer To Manipulate Potential Agent Into Reading My Zombie Script (GTTMPAIRMZS) failed miserably, so I guess I might as well give a pitch fest a shot.

The scenes you remember

Today I'm doing my favorite assignment ever. We just finished reading Elie Wiesel's Night, so I have the kids get into groups and make an art project. Each group has a paper bag with art supplies in it. Using only the supplies in the bag, they must create a three-dimensional representation of a pivotal scene of their choice from the novel.

So for two days I sit and watch my kids cut and paste, and I learn. Right now the group with the laziest, most frequently absent boys who have the worst collective grades in the class are working their asses off to create this really clever project where little people are going to pop out of a paper and march around in the snow. They're really pissed because I only gave them one pencil.

You have never seen such adorable concentration camps in your life, I swear.

One of my kids is very excited because he saw "Jewish churches" recently and was surprised to learn they were still around. The kids really should leave South Central more often.

Anyway, one interesting thing I learn through this and other assignments is what in a story stands out in a kid's mind. Violence, intense natural images, extreme circumstances, the unexpected.

In Night it tends to be the long march the prisoners take through the snow, or the hanging of the child, or the moment when a man's son murders him on the train for a crust of bread, or the moment when the Nazis throw babies in the air and use them for target practice.

In All Quiet on the Western Front they remember the horses screaming in the middle of the night while they trip over their own intestines after an attack. They also remember how the soldiers walk naked in their boots to meet the French women they plan to have sex with.

In Great Expectations they remember the cake covered in cobwebs.

So it makes me think about what scene in my own scripts would stick out in their minds. In Not Dead Yet, I'm pretty sure it's the moment when a kid gets his arm chopped off or the tidal wave.

If my kids had to make a project out of your movie, what scenes would they remember? What would be the most important moment when the point of the story summed up in an image or two?

The story of Not Dead Yet

I didn't write yesterday because I was ever so busy. I went to hip hop dance class last night where I learned that although kickboxing has given me power and strength and endurance, my flexibility is for shit. I think I'm gonna start going to yoga. My legs hurt. Also I suck at following choreography. I spent most of the hour flailing my arms about at random.

A question was posed some time ago that I have been hesitant to answer. I was asked to go through my process with Not Dead Yet from conception to finish. It's not my first script by any means, but it is the first script I feel totally good about. I can pitch this sucker. I could sell it to somebody with piles of money.

But that's all according to my own opinion. For all you know it sucks donkey balls. I certainly haven't sold it yet and I may never, and I'm not a professional writer until I do. So I feel weird about going through my process because it makes me sound like such an authority. But I did write a script I feel good about and I was asked to explain my process, so I will do so.

I've talked before about how I got the idea. I thought about what it would be like to survive the zombie attack only to be stuck with the only other survivor being someone you've just started dating. My family of zombie hunters, 20 years after the attack has killed off almost every human on earth, must travel to California to join up with the only other people they know to exist.

I started by brainstorming. I always start by talking the script out loud to anyone who will listen. Ex-Boyfriend, who helped me come up with the story, was invaluable because the geography of the story was all from his neck of the woods. I planned out the trip the family takes from beginning to end so I knew where they would be each step of the way. Then I got out my index cards.

Everybody has their own theory of index cards. I use them. They force me to organize my story by plot point so I know where I''m going. I only use about six or seven because they're just rough ideas and then flesh them out as I write, so an index card will say something like this:

Chris, Josh and Kate fight their way into the hardware store. Josh kills a zombie alone. Kate goes alone to drug store, she's attacked. Walkie talkie dead, out of ammo, boys come to save her. Gas tank blows up.

All my index cards are pretty colors so when I put them on the bulletin board in my room I'm encouraged to work on the pretty story because it's always there where I can see it as I go to sleep and right as I wake up. I also put loglines on yellow cards so that if I ever have to pitch to someone on the spot I have my logline all bright and cozy on my board.

Then I just write. I start with page one and keep right on 'till I'm done. I sometimes skip scenes if I know what happens in them but either need to look something up or just plain don't feel like writing that at the moment. Usually it's a dialogue scene. I don't really know exactly what the characters say so I leave it for later. But most of the time I don't skip because something important happens in every scene, so if I skip it I'm not sure how my characters have changed since the event unfolded.

This caused me some major problems on Not Dead Yet that stalled me out for almost a month. I came to a huge set piece that involved a lot of research and comprehension of physics that I don't necessarily have seeing as how I suck at physics. I couldn't get past it because it was a very important sequence of events and even though I tried to skip it I just felt lost.

I kept reading and thinking and writing and rewriting and throwing things until finally I called up Ex-Boyfriend and said help! And we went to Dougboys and I had the after school special (OMG so good) while he helped me figure it out because he understands that stuff.

After that I finished the script and then left it alone for about a week. Then I printed it out and read it out loud and marked up things that didn't sound right. I don't usually pay too much attention to typos or grammar at this point because I'm just going to make more later.

I did my first revision then I took it to the group. My writers group is pretty solid. I cannot express enough the importance of a group whose opinions you respect. With this script I came out of the meeting with a clear sense of where I was headed next because the feedback was overall pretty consistent. Plus there were snacks.

I did another revision then sent it to Ex-Boyfriend for a technical read-through. He came over and told me what did and didn't work. He's an expert on guns and geography and tidal waves and was the reason I ended up with a character who's obsessed with trying to flame throw all the zombies, which was one of my favorite things to write. I don't know why, but having a teenage boy wax philosophic about how much he wants to set the undead on fire fills me with glee.

After I did another revision I sent it to two more people. They gave me very few notes so I figured it was ready, but just in case I still let it sit for about two more weeks without looking at it. Then I did one read through focusing just on typos and grammar issues and then I shipped it off to the contest circuit.

And it's still out there, somewhere, waiting to be loved.

Zombie dreams

Today was teacher appreciation day. There was food. I was appreciated.

I had another zombie nightmare last night. I'm not even working on Not Dead Yet anymore, but I like it so much that some nights as I'm going to sleep I replay scenes in my head and smile at the awesomeness of smashing a zombie's head in with a hammer.

Sometimes I still use "Zombies" as a zen word. Whenever I get all worked up and bent out of shape I say "zombies" and I feel happy because I love writing about zombies.

And that means sometimes as I drift off to sleep I dream about them. And last night they responded by scaring the shit out of me.

I was at a pitch meeting at Universal when this little girl came in all zombiefied so I cut the meeting short even though I hadn't finished my pitch and called 911. A dude answered.

911: Where are you?
Me: WeHo (In my dream, Universal is located in WeHo. Because it needs to be gayer, I guess.)
911: It's spreading.
Me: Really? That's not good. What should I do?
911: What is it?
Me: It's a little girl.
911: You're going to have to kill her and board up the windows.

At this point the little girl zombie is aimlessly wandering around the office carrying a teddy bear and not really biting at anybody.

Me: Okay. Thanks.
911: Don't die. It was nice talking to you.
Me: Yeah I hope you live too.

Then I hung up and opened a door where some supplies were located but a guy who a minute ago was just a dude, smashed the door open fast right into my face and he was a zombie. I tried to shut the door on him, then I screamed for Ex-Boyfriend who turned out to be standing across the room with an ax. So he came over and we killed the zombie and then started to board up the windows so we could protect the Universal executives, who were sitting around calmly watching as the little girl zombie continued to wander around with her teddy bear.

And then I woke up.

And sometimes I should probably stop thinking about zombies.

Those first ten pages

Last night while I was lying awake and going over my usual script notes in my head, I distracted myself from plotting my next screenplay by thinking about introductions. Well okay it started with my effort to rework my mugging scene to be as original as possible, and then that lead to me thinking about what makes a movie intro good.

As we all know, one of the things that readers do is throw scripts away after reading like ten pages and being bored. Whenever someone gives me a script to read I always read the whole thing, but I do admit I form an opinion on whether or not I'll like the story as soon as I read the opening sequence.

As I lay there, listening to the traffic go by on Beverly, I created a theory. I think there are two things that are key when you write your opening:

1) Make sure the opening sequence is an accurate representation of your script. By that I mean, if this is an action script then you better damn well open with a fucking action scene. X-Men 2 is all crazy action as you watch Nightcrawler hop around the White House like a maniac. When The Matrix opens you have no idea what the hell is going on, but you know it's cool when Trinity runs up a wall and knocks a couple of cops right the fuck out. Even Shakespeare knew. Romeo and Juliet opens with a sword fight and when you think about it that story is pretty much an action script. Look at Star Wars - that big space ship goes flying overhead shooting that little one and you go - oh hell yes this is about a big old space ship shooting people and shit.

So if your story is a romantic comedy then I should see some funny relationship antics right up front. A talky drama? Give me some really dramatic talking.

But it's also important that it not waste time. The opening scene to Romeo and Juliet sets up why Romeo is later deported, and it also tells us about the fighting between the Capulets and Montagues. Nightcrawler's attack on the president is what clues the X Men into what's going on, and it sets off the president's persecution of mutants. Okay so maybe Trinity's big rooftop race isn't completely vital to the plot, but it sets up the world we live in for the duration of the film, and it does hint at the treachery to come.

2) The opening scene needs to grab my ass and plant it in a chair for the duration. Yes, I prefer action so unless you have an explosion or gun battle in the first few minutes you will have a hard time demanding my attention, but you can still get it. Give me an emotion. Give me a person to care about.

The opening to Office Space is nothing but dudes sitting in traffic. But when Peter watches that old man with the walker speed ahead of him and gives up all hope of being on time for work, you get not only a good chuckle, but a good idea of who Peter is. And then when Michael Bolton locks his door surreptitiously because he's afraid of the black man selling flowers when he was busting rap lyrics two seconds ago - a laugh and a clear idea of who Michael is. And speaking of traffic, as soon as Michael Douglass steps out of his car at the beginning of Falling Down you immediately get a sense that some shit is about to hit the fan. It keeps you watching.

I think the most important thing about an introduction is not to waste any time. Some writers get all caught up in introducing the world of the main character in this laborious way so that we see every aspect of their lives and leave nothing to chance. And that's great and all and I'm glad you did some backstory, but I don't care. I want the laugh or be moved or watch something explode. Get to your point quickly and move on.

As for me, I opened Not Dead Yet with an attack almost immediately. Within the first 10 pages a mass of zombies has been taken out, an old lady is dead and a husband and wife have a break in philosophy that affects how they deal with each other for the rest of the script. So it may be a lot of things, but my intro isn't boring.

Usually I turn to gunfire and explosions to make sure my script opens with a literal bang, but this time I don't have that. I have a mugging, which is pretty exciting, but it can also be boring as hell if I don't do it right since the muggers don't actually have any weapons. And with the added bonus of not being able to use the old Haggis Crash intro, I'm going to have to work to figure out a clever way to get my reader's brain firmly focused on my script from minute one.

As soon as I figure that out I'll post my results.

I feel good about this

The more I think about this 15 year old Latino boy script the more I like it. Except now he's not 15 anymore, he's 17. Last night I couldn't sleep because vacation has messed with my ability to go to bed before midnight, so I stared up at the ceiling and remembered things that have happened to my students over the last three years, things I can include in my story.

I went to Barnes and Noble on Saturday and bought two books on life inside gang territory. My kid isn't in a gang, but he lives in a gang infested area and there will be some mention of them. I want to be accurate. Plus now that school has started back I can use my students as a resource. I told them today that I was working on a project about gangs. They immediately volunteered to tell me all about it, probably because they enjoy anything that sounds like a distraction from learning about the difference between metaphor and simile.

Not Dead Yet worked because as I wrote the story in my head it naturally came together. One moment lead to to the next until each setpiece was a natural progression from the last. It was nearly effortless. I almost stalled out on this whole tidal wave scene but I called a friend and we worked through it together.

The superhero movie wasn't as easy. I knew the beginning and I knew the end, but I had no idea how to get from point A to point B, and that's why it inevitably failed. The pieces refused to cooperate and make it easy for me.

And that's also how I know this one will work. Last night as I lay there, wishing I had done a better job of readjusting to my work schedule, I watched the characters in my head move from one moment to the next out of necessity. I didn't have to push them anywhere; they pushed themselves. It was effortless.

Of course, I haven't actually tried to write anything yet so this could all be complete bullshit.

Still, I feel much better about the possibilities of this script than I did about my superhero thing. I may even write this first since the only reason I started a Pushing Daisies was to distract me from the fact that my script wasn't working. I need a second solid feature, this could be it.

I also like the idea of writing this because although it will still have the requisite gunfire and fist fights constant in all my work, it will be much more serious on a Sundancy kind of level. (And if I get any indication that it can be finished in time, I will send it to the Sundance thing so thanks for the suggestions in that direction.) This is the kind of story that people think of as deep emotional shit. You have a hard time convincing people your zombie story is deep emotional shit, but mention your coming-of-age story about a Mexican American boy who's just trying to fight his way out of gang infested South Central, and people immediately see the potential for depth.

That's good, right? One story about zombies, one story about poignant shit. That should get me some attention. Right?