Friday, September 15, 2006

Emily the potential stalker

Those of you who read my blog regulary - all four of you - know how much I love Joss Whedon. Screw my parents - he's my hero. Just kidding, Mom. But not really. No, I am. Or not.

Seriously. If I had to choose between life-altering sex with Jensen Ackles or lunch at Pink's Hot Dogs with Joss, I'd probably go with the sex, but I'd have to really think about it.

That's not true. I'd go to Pink's. I think. Hell, it's my dream. I get both.

A friend of mine walks rich people's dogs and cleans up their poop. The dogs' poop, not the rich people's. (That's right, dude, I'm calling you out.) So yesterday he's walking a certain starlett's pooch when my hero jogs by, stops and chats for a second about the damn dog. Did my friend mention me? Did he bust out a sharpie and a season of Buffy and get an autograph? No. He didn't have those things on him, but that's irrelevant. He could have found a way.

Instead, he mentioned how much he liked the X-Men comic and waited for the dog to finish crapping. And Joss went on with his run.

The X-Men comic? I mean, I love the comic too, but seriously. After all the episodes of Buffy and Angel and Firefly I made that guy sit through? I'm wearing a Serenity hat at this very moment.

So another friend of mine said that now that I know where and when Joss jogs I should stand around on the corner and wait for him with my script in my hand until he comes by. Yeah. Because that would win him over.

I'm pretty sure she was kidding. At least, I hope she was. But I can see some people in this town doing that. Desperation over years of no success could lead anyone to go crazy, and according to her it doesn't actually count as stalking since I wouldn't actually be standing outside his house.

I can see it in my head. Crazy blonde girl stands screaming on the street corner. "I love you, Joss Whedon! Here's a script! Read it! It's my proposal for the Spike movie! Spike and Illyria hire the crew of Serenity to go to some crazy planet ruled by Roseanne where they fight through Andy's toys to find an ancient relic that will destroy the new Alien/Ripley hybrid monster!" As the men in white shove me into a big truck.

Come to think of it, that would be a freaking awesome movie.


  1. it's're certifiable.

    but ya know, maybe there is a meta-script in there. something kaufmanesque...

  2. Anonymous6:06 PM

    I think you should do it... just without the crazy part. Play it cool and strike up a friendship.

    - Bill

  3. LOL.
    "Seriously. If I had to choose between life-altering sex with Jensen Ackles or lunch at Pink's Hot Dogs with Joss, I'd probably go with the sex, but I'd have to really think about it."
    This is embarrasing, but the other night I was flipping channels and stumbled upon "Supernatural." The entire five minutes of my viewing time can be summed up by the thought process in my mind consisting of: Jensen is hotter than Jared. No wait, Jared has that something. No wait, Jensen has that something. It's Jensen, definitely. No, I can't decide, maybe it's Jared. The second I pick one over the over, I begin to rethink my choice. Silly me.
    It's dangerous flipping channels, I think, is the only thing to learn from this :-)


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