I know there are people who love that stuff, and everybody knows that one reason Tarantino makes his characters talk so much is because he's really good at dialogue. I'm all for good dialogue, but I'm more for efficiency in dialogue.
I am constantly paranoid that my scripts are too talky. Every time I write a long dialogue sequence I immediately hate it because I'm convinced that even if it's terrific dialogue, it could be better with action.
Whenever I write first drafts I write page after page after page of long, actionless dialogue sequences. The first thing I do on rewrite is cut the shit out of them. I do that by concentrating on three things: Subtext, action and conflict.
I had a bit where my male lead has just started dating the female lead. They work together, and he has just given her a dangerous job to do over the phone.
Scrippets is being whorish so the format's off, but here's what I originally had:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey Lana?
LANA
Yeah.
ELLIOT
Would it be weird if I said I liked you?
LANA
Yeah. But you can say it anyway.
ELLIOT
I do.
LANA
I like you too.
[/scrippet]
Sucks, right? Very on-the-nose, very dull. A little too cutesy.
So I thought about how I can use subtext instead of being so obvious. She's going to do a dangerous job, so he would be worried. Then I thought about actions to show that she likes him too. Then I thought about how I can have a tiny suggestion of conflict between them while still allowing their relationship to move forward. And I can do it with way less.
So here is the revised version:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey, Lana? Come back alive.
LANA
Hey, I'm a professional.
She hangs up, tries to stop the smile creeping across her face.
[/scrippet]
Better, I think. Doing less with more.
I wonder how it would work in the scene if Lana's line were removed entirely. Just, "Come back alive." Click. Smile. Then, in subtext, he's opening his heart a crack and she's gently nudging it closed again, for his own protection. We know she likes him but he doesn't. Tension.
ReplyDeleteI can see that. The reason I added the "I'm a professional" line is because she's not actually a professional. He doesn't know that.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the "non-Grindhouse" cut of DEATH PROOF really feels endless. The movie plays a lot better in the theatrical cut where Tarantino had to cut out nearly 40 minutes.
ReplyDeleteAnd truthfully, there's not a moment of those 40 minutes that you'll really miss.
I didn't know the theatrical version was different. This is a perfect example of how the director's cut is often not better.
ReplyDeleteI agree on the whole, especially with Death Proof. But Inglorious Basterds? I disagree. I like the first half of the movie so much better. The cellar tavern scene is a great example. All the talk is amazing. That scene trumps any of the hokey action in the end of the movie. In my humble opinion, anyway.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of people really liked that movie, and I definitely saw glimpses of genius in it, but the Beefcake and I both fell asleep during all the talking.
ReplyDeleteI agree 101% regarding Death Proof. What a snoozzzzefest! It made one of my all-time favorite actors, Kurt Russell, bland and boring.
ReplyDeleteMr. Penn State
Playing with words, so fun. What if Elliot found it impossible to say "alive" (too damn close to "not alive").
ReplyDeleteHey Lana? Come back one piece, alright?
Yeah, that's the plan.
Sweet plan.
Inglourious Basterds is a perfect film. Not one word too many. The tension Tarantino creates through dialogue is more than most directors could do with guns and bombs and hostages and etc...
ReplyDeleteI have pretty bad ADHD so I can't understand when others have a tough time sitting through those scenes. They fly by for me.
Now, try to get me to stay awake through bullshit like The Matrix or Transformers and we're gonna have a problem.
I promise I didn't list The Matrix because you have it listed as one of your favorite films, Emily.
ReplyDeleteBut now that I've seen your list of favorite films, anything by Baz Lurhmann is a great cure for insomnia.
Um. That film was actually written by a man named William Shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteBut the beautiful thing about being human is how we can all respectfully disagree with one another.