Monday, April 04, 2011

Your own favorite lines

I'm on the hunt for a new rep, so to build my confidence today I'm thinking about awesome things I've written, things that made me giggle as soon as they came out of my brain, because even though I'm terribly insecure about my writing at times, I crack myself up during the first draft.

These are my two favorite lines of dialogue I've ever written:

1) "Nobody's leaving until we get what we came for, so take off your pants and fuck your girlfriend. Or fuck my girlfriend. Either way, somebody's getting fucked and you're going to fuck 'em."

2) "Hey I met like four new people yesterday and only killed one of them.  Percentagewise I'm in the black."

What's your favorite line you've ever written? Share time.


  1. I don't know if it's my favourite, but it's one of my favourite shorts I've written. I totally relate to the kid.

    "I could not be a doctor. I get queasy. Don't worry, though. I'm getting better at catching it in my mouth before it comes out. Mom says I should just vomit like regular folks. I guess. Kids remember that stuff."

    You can check the whole script out here if you're so inclined.

  2. After I killed him the third time, instated to think maybe there was somthing hinky going on.

    Yes, please take my coat. Take my cane, my breath, my pantaloons. Whatever pleases you, my dear.

    If you'll excuse me, I have stupor that's not going to stupe itself.

  3. Sally Screenwriter7:21 PM

    "I'm dead. You're dead. We're all fucking dead. But before they bury us I'm going kill that fat fuck and take all his money. Now move your ass or I'll plant you right here."

  4. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

    No wait. That wasn't me. Never mind.

  5. I'm not sure if this is my favorite, but it's from one of my shorts and I'm always gratified when it gets a laugh:

    (following a long, pretentious explanation of his artistic "process") "But I'm sure that's how all artists work. I'm sure that's how Leonardo worked when he was sculpting David."

  6. "Seriously, is there anything more pathetic than a hero? I mean, honestly, what's a hero besides some desperate sap looking for a crack at redemption?"

  7. Your damsel will come. Hopefully, she won’t come with a walker... with the random tennis balls for sliding... How do you take those things ‘offroad’?

    -Bowling for Cougs

  8. I think there'll be a few gems in my writing challenge this weekend vs. Mr. Lowell.

  9. Not mine, not even a screenplay, but from Stephen King and Book One of The Gunslinger. I love this line. The perspective of a boy who has just witnessed his first hanging.

    "In the end, it wasn't such of a much."


  10. "When he’s only slightly punishing?"

    Makes me snicker every time. Don't think line will travel well, but should hit the 3 person minimum.

    The context:
    (notes his rather lame costume)
    ...Punisher, huh. That’s a costume? Really? Converse?!
    Maybe he wears them off-hours.
    When he’s only slightly punishing?
    Ummm... / Two tickets please.
    (looking Jack up and down)
    That’s a costume?

    Snicker. The Punisher is never slightly anything.

    I think our words should entertain us, we're the ones reading them a thousand times.

  11. kevin6:19 PM

    "So in conclusion, schadenfreude, not as bad as you'd think."

  12. Anonymous3:50 PM

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  13. Anonymous12:28 AM

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  14. Technically not mine. This was in the play that I'm adapting right now. But it's the line that made me fall in love with the play.

    (Hanging over the front of the building a large hand-painted banner reads WELCOME JEWS. The Hasidim stare up at it.)
    “Welcome Jews”?
    That’s nice.
    Oh, yeah, a heartfelt expression of love.
    And what would your sign say if someone from Iowa moved into Crown Heights to open a pig farm?
    (Avram considers.)
    “Goyim Go Home.”


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