Usually when I start a script I see the first 15 or so pages clear as a bell in my brain. It takes like five minutes to get them down.
This time, though, I have kind of a dilemma. It's not that I don't see the scene, it's that I'm not sure I can use it the way I want to.
I want to open with a scene of two white girls getting out of a cab and two Latino boys mugging them. Only before the mugging I want the boys to have a conversation that makes them seem relatively innocuous so we are first threatened by their appearance, then relieved when we hear them talk, then threatened again when they mug the girls.
And that would be cool and all except Stupid Paul Haggis and his stupid Oscar winning script already did exactly that in Crash. The story opens with two guys talking social issues and then robbing two white folk on the street.
First of all, I liked Crash very much.
However...
My story will not be nearly as heavy handed and preachy, and it will follow one kid and one woman instead of hitting all the racial groups around LA. And the story is so vastly different that I might make a few comparisons (It's Crash meets some random coming of age story to be determined later), but all in all my story is different enough that nobody will really accuse of anything nefarious.
Except for this stupid intro scene. Of course my dialogue will be different and the outcome of the scene will be different, but the first three minutes will probably seem eerily similar.
So what do you think? Do I go ahead with my planned intro and risk people turning off because they think I'm a copy cat? Or do I start right off with the mugging and skip the dialogue but lose some of the intended perspective on the scene? What would you do?
I'd mumble and curse under my breath that Haggis must have gotten his hands on a time machine and stolen my opening in the future then gone back to write it in the past. Then, I'd come up with another opening and be very, very disappointed.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading your post, I thought of CRASH when I hit the word "innocuous." Not saying something can't be similar and original at the same time, as all films are if you look hard enough, but a reader might not be able to look past it.
ReplyDeleteI think we've all ran into this at some point or another. I've been deep into a screenplay before, and then came across essentially a trailer for it a few weeks later at the theater.
You haven't written the scene yet, so luckily you don't have to kill it. You can just think up something new if you like. An no worries about the whole Life vs. choice debate.
If the opening speaks to the rest of the film, and is vital in the way you approach it, then do it - use it. With that said, do it so you can get started; get moving on it and find yourself on the journey. Besides you can always change it later.
ReplyDeleteAs the saying goes "screenwriting is rewriting."
Defaintely do not do it.
ReplyDeleteMe, Unk, and some others have been discussing The Lookout and how it was ruined by having one glaring similarity to Memento -- memory loss. Memory loss wasn't a large part of The Lookout, but it draws comparisons between it and Memento, which is not a good thing.
I'd try to put together this scene differently. Maybe have them discuss something WHILE stealing this car, but not treating the grand-theft-auto as a big deal. While they're robbing the car, they'll be going about their discussion as if it's a normal night for them.
Try to steer away from making these two similar in any way to Ludacris and his sheep in Crash. Stay away form the harsh message of "We're a racial minority, and people think we're bad mofos. Fuck 'em!"
Just make it a normal scene where two guys rob a car, but add your own flair.
Try not to do the whole "These guys look bad, but they're good... wait, no... they're definately bad" thing. That leads the movie into racial-prejudice territory, which doesn't mean good for your film unless that's what it's about (ala Crash). And I'd advise you don't venture into this territory unless your movie is going to blow away Crash.
I'd reccomend giving this scene a theme similar to the story of the boy and his mother. If it's about living in a horrible place, but accepting that it's a horrible place, make the car robbery seem ordinary to the two criminals (as if their surroundings have desensitized them).
If this crime-infested gang town is supposed to feel dangerous and unsettling, even for those who who are active in it, then make the car theft go wrong or something.
Just try not to veer into themes of racial prejudice, political racism, and so forth. Keep this scene in touch with the movie's main theme, and keep it as far from Crash as possible. Maybe add another young man into the mix, or a woman. Maybe make one of the young men a 12 year old who's along for the ride with his older brother, learning from his crimes and such.
All I'll say is if you think Haggis is the first to use the "they're bad guys, no they're just a couple of guys, ummmm nope, I was right, they're bad guys" trick, you're mistaken. And if you think that setup couldn't have been left out or changed you're wrong too.
ReplyDeleteUse what works for the story, that's the only thing that matters. Haggis did, you should too.
Write the way you SEE it first... Then move on but don't stop thinking about it. As you move on -- keep going back to that scene. Let your brain KNOW that you want BRILLIANCE and it'll come. If nothing else, simply write it as a placeholder knowing that you want to beef it up somewhere down the line. Let the writer INSIDE work on it while you keep writing.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it...
Unk
try what you intent to do, just with another crime. not a mugging scene.
ReplyDeletethink a little harder.
I would not use the conversation in my first scene. Those first 15 pages might be the only thing an agent reads. If he thinks you are ripping off someone, your script will go right in the trash.
ReplyDeleteSpanish Prisoner, it has to be a mugging. That's the inciting incident and if there is no mugging, there is no story.
ReplyDeleteThanks, for the responses. I'll try to see how I can work this scene to be original.
THE LOOKOUT is darn near a perfect film, as is MEMENTO, but neither bear any resemblance to the other.
ReplyDelete(In fact, I've never heard *anyone* compare THE LOOKOUT to MEMENTO, by way of memory loss or anything else, until now. That's quite a stretch. To opine that THE LOOKOUT was "ruined" by that non-similarity is... well, opinion. And wrong. In my opinion.)
However, I do agree that your opening scene, as you described it, would too closely resemble the opening of CRASH.
If you can't restage it or construct the scene in such a way that it does not immediately bring to mind CRASH -- and I'm not sure you can, since it is the back-and-forth dialogue between the hoodlums that will trigger the comparison -- I'd dig for something better.
RP
My first thought was pulp fiction, but sounds like crash is a better comparison for what you're trying to do.
ReplyDeleteI guess the real sticking point is the fact that it occurs at the start so that a reader is going to quickly jump to the conclusion that its a copy which may or may not turn them off. I think it depends on the writing. If it's good enough, then it won't matter, but if its average or worse, then people will just use the copycat excuse for what they think is just poor writing.
So my advice is just to write it as you want and write it as well as you can, then decide if it needs to be changed 8)
What you're talking about is this mechanism: I think it was Picasso and Pissaro (or contemporaries) and one of them was working on a painting and asked the other's opinion, which he gave. Then the guy working on the painting said, "See the rabbit?" and pointed it out. Until then, no one had seen the rabbit. Once the rabbit it pointed out, one can't stop seeing the rabbit.
ReplyDeleteWhen you described your opening, fine, no problem. Once you tell us "Crash" opened the same, then all we can see is that it's the same opening as "Crash." It's stuck in your perceptions and it's stuck in everyone else's. And it's so easy to make your opening different: different kind of guys, or even a guy and a girl, mugee getting out of a taxi instead of a car-jacking, day instead of night, and of course the whole rest of the story is different.
But once you've noticed that rabbit, you can't stop seeing it...
Good luck.
Emily, I personally think you're thinking too much. Just write your opening. Everyone overthinks these things, and you never know exactly what's the pages are going to look like. If you do, you might be approaching it a bit too rigidly. Chances are you may end up with something that you don't think is all that close to Crash to begin with. Not to mention that Crash was using some cheap preconceptions to toy with audience expectations -- in my opinion. It was all gimmick and little character development. From what you're saying, it could be potentially all about character. Which would be much more interesting to me.
ReplyDeleteBut I would just write it, and see if it bothers you. It's not like Haggis has some kind of monopoly on plot techniques. People use the same puzzle pieces all the time. Lord knows Crash is full of stuff used time and time again.
But I also hated Crash. (We'll have to agree to disagree there.) But we're talking about a town full of constant repetition, parallel development, etc. Your voice, characters and story are more important concerns.
And for my two cents worth on the other discourse in these comments, saying that The Lookout was ruined by Memento is ludicrous. Memento is just one film in a long chain of movies/novels/plays/etc. that deal with memory. It's only innovation was its structure. Again, Emily, gimmick vs. character. Which is why I personally feel The Lookout is phenomenally superior.
Stick to your guns, then reevaluate if necessary.
What if your protagonist witnesses the mugging and is then chased down by police, thinking he was one of the muggers..
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of ways you can do this. I think my suggestion works and it introduces your protagonist in a great way.
Okay, I'm a reader and I start reading your script.. and it's just like CRASH. This will probably change the way I see the rest of your script... and not for the better.
ReplyDeleteLook at what you want to do in that opening scene and find a new scene that does the same things in a different way.
Have them go shopping in an upscale store...
- Bill
My question is, what purpose does the mugging scene serve? What do you want the audience to take from it. Once you've answered that question, you should be able to determine that there's another way to reveal the character other than the mugging scene.
ReplyDeleteBut Crash? Ugh. I hate that movie and hate how everyone embraced it and hate how Haggis said the whole story came from a dream when actually Kasdan did it 15 years earlier. Yuck.
Whatever you do, don't get accused of stealing from Haggis.
I'm late to the party here, but I think there isn't *that* much similarity if the kids aren't talking about how everyone assumes they're muggers. If they're just talking about what girl in school is cute, or maybe trying out for the football team or whatever, it won't seem that similar to "Crash"
ReplyDeleteThe conversation in "Crash" was very specific and unique, and any general BSing you have your kids say wouldn't really remind me of Crash.
That's a pretty good point, too. I'll consider when I do my rewrite.
ReplyDelete