My trip to the ER

I put my hand through a window last night. Stupid old 1947 windows - did you know that if you smash on them with your hand they break? Who designed this weak shit?

So I smash my hand through the glass and I yell "Oh my god!" and then I think maybe it's okay. I mean it really feels like I didn't hurt myself. Then I pull my hand back into the house and see the enormous gash on the inside of my wrist.

My neighbor yells out "Are you okay?"

And I reply with "No!" even though at first I wanted to say I was fine but realized that a normal person would not think this was fine. I grab a paper towel because those commercials always tell me paper towels are really strong and would probably soak up lots of blood.

My neighbor shows up and thank god she did because otherwise I would have been found a day later being eaten by my dogs after I passed out from blood loss over my computer as I googled emergency rooms. A year and a half I've been living here and I still have no idea where the hospitals are.

So my neighbor tries to call 911 and I'm like "Hell no. That's expensive!"

So she grabs her sweater, hands me a dish towel my future in-laws gave me as part of their big Christmas package - sorry, Rita - and we drive to the emergency room. I haven't been to an emergency room since my first year in college when I rode in the ambulance while my best friend struggled against alcohol poisoning in the back. That was the night I discovered ham and pineapple pizza, so maybe tonight will also have some kind of positive outcome.

There's a lady passed out over a couple of chairs and when they call her name she doesn't budge. At this point my hand finally starts to hurt. My neighbor fills out my forms and I try to sign them. The intake nurse vaguely glances at my wound - a giant gash right next to my vein and going in the correct direction for suicide, but she just tells me it will be a few hours. I wonder if I pass out will I be seen sooner? Everybody else in the ER is there for a stomach ache except the passed-out lady. I wonder if any of them have a surprise pregnancy and are in labor.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution is on the TV. Why am I not recording this on the DVR?

A security guard comes out and wakes up the passed-out lady. Her face is soaking wet and she can't walk. She barely knows her own name. Somebody had apparently dropped her off along with an empty pill bottle and then left.

The bleeding has stopped as long as I don't move my hand. The wound is really gross. I think I see nerves. I know what those look like because I saw 127 Hours in the theater.

A woman comes out of the ER shaking, miserable, like death. Everybody feels bad for her and my hand doesn't hurt so much. While her husband runs and gets the car we wonder what she must have been like before, because they're releasing her but she looks awful. Her husband picks her up and carries her to the car because she can't walk.

After about two and a half hours I finally see the doctor. The nurse asks me how I am and I say "I'm an idiot."

"How many times have you been in for stitches?"

"This is the first."

"I've had them twelve times. I'm an idiot."

Some nurse in the hallway is on the phone. "His mom dropped him off. She says he's hearing voices. I believe he is a danger to himself and others."

Then I start feeling pukey. I've been looking at this nasty gash for a while so I think it's the hospital smells that are getting to me. But I don't puke. I pull out my Nook and read Roots, which gives me the opportunity to tell the nurse how much I love my Nook.

I know it's one of the most basic things they do, but I am always impressed with doctors' ability to stitch with pliers. I can't even sew buttons with my hands.

My hand's all wrapped up and I go home and decide not to worry about all the blood or the busted window and just watch Tron Legacy. It's better than I expected it to be.

I also have a cold.

EDITED TO ADD: My neighbor just sent me the picture she took with her phone. Yes, I am in my pajamas.

John and the Terminator with Arnold's head

HBO is some shiesty little tricksters. They gave me HBO for free long enough to watch the pilot for Game of Thrones, which was really good, and reminded me that they also have True Blood and Entourage. So now I have HBO.

So I'm waiting until it's time to take my new puppy to meet the doctor for the first time and I turn on HBO, and they're showing Terminator Salvation. Now I posted about this movie when I saw it in the theater, but I neglected to mention one scene that to me epitomizes the flaws in this film.

At the end of the movie, when they're running around in the Terminator factory, John Connor gets knocked back by a door flying open, and behind that door stands Arnold (or a facsimile thereof), the original Terminator, the machine who once tried to kill John's mom. But all John ever knew of him was as a friend. The Arnold Terminator saved his life countless times and sacrificed himself for the greater good. If you pretend number 3 didn't exist, which is my preferred way of thinking, then the last time John saw his buddy he was giving the thumbs up on the way to his death. All for John.

So it's years later and John's in the middle of this big battle and he's very stressed out trying to find his dad who's not his dad yet, and suddenly there he is, the only father figure John ever knew. Hey, there would have been a cool theme to pursue given the whole John's about to be a dad and he's looking for his dad and then his dad is kind of fostering a little girl, but somehow that didn't seem like a theme.

Anyway, so John sees, for the first time in a decade or more, his best childhood friend. And John doesn't even take a fucking second to react. He just starts fighting.

What an opportunity that was. You've got this Terminator who hasn't even experienced all these things that John has, he doesn't know his fate, doesn't know this man he will save in the past, and here's someone who does know all the good and bad things he will do, all this history and yet not history between them, and not even a tiny fraction of it is explored.

Why'd they go through the trouble and expense of putting Arnold on that dude's body? Because it was cool. Because in his big moment, audiences would go Ooooooh cool! Not because it matter to the story AT ALL.

It could have mattered to the story. John would have known it wasn't his friend of course, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't need a second to process it, or have doubts, or think he should run instead of fight, because what if he kills the Terminator? The past will never happen. He will never be born, or maybe they'll send a different one that succeed in killing his mother. Maybe some part of this Terminator IS the hero he knew. After all, he never met the bad guy version. Maybe he thinks he can talk the Terminator into doing the right thing. Maybe....

But nope. All they do is fight. Then we move on.

Squandered potential.

Clockbusters movie game

Play this game. You look at three pictures and figure out what movie they remind you of.

I got 45 out of 50 and could not for the life of me figure out the other five movies.

Nice Girls Don't Kill Queries - round 1

Spring Break starts in a few hours and I am already there. I told the kids not to ask me any questions today because I'm too tired to answer.

While I wait for Nice Girls Don't Kill to work its way slowly up the small chain of connected people I know, I'm querying. I'm very picky with my queries and am thoroughly researching each name on my list. I'm only sending the script to people I'd like to work with, people who have both a positive personal reputation and a track record of producing results.

The fact that I was once repped is irrelevant.

Over the past two weeks I have emailed 19 reps. I don't like this number because I hate prime numbers, but I can't find a 20th person I like. I queried both the big guys and a few boutiques. Not WME though because that's just pointless.

So far I have been rejected flat out at Paradigm because they don't even read unsolicited material so don't waste your time.

About 15 minutes after I sent the email, I got a request from someone who recognized my name from brief and distant online encounters. That name recognition thing really matters. He didn't read my script, though. He sent it to an assistant, so we'll see if assistant sends it up the line.

Nothing yet from anybody else, but I didn't expect to hear back so soon anyway.

I will update my progress as results come in.

Turn in your best work

I keep seeing this same terrible advice pop up in various forms on the old web: You don't have to make your screenplay that great because producers and reps and actors will just change everything anyway.

That has got to be one of the dumbest attitudes you can have, yet plenty of people have it.

Let's say you're an agent at one of the big three. You're in your office, about to leave for the weekend and you're checking your email.

Come to think of it, agents don't really check their own email, do they?

Let's say you're an assistant to an agent at one of the big three. You're in your cubicle, about to leave for the weekend and you're checking your boss' email. There's like eight hundred thousand queries in there.

You see about a dozen that sound promising, so you say what the hell, let's read these little fuckers. Some of those will be high concept, but some will just have a neat voice or a clean writing style. You send away for the scripts. You read them over the weekend, praying to find one you want to send to your boss. Your boss' day is insanely busy and you know that if you send him a piece of crap he'll smash your head in with a hammer.

I've seen Swimming With Sharks so I feel like I'm an expert on how all this works.

Anyhow, you read a dozen scripts. You choose ONE to take to your boss, one writer you think will score jobs or spec sales for the company. Which one is it? The high concept script with poor execution? Maybe, if the idea is amazing and the writing is at least competent. The generic idea executed to perfection? Or the generic idea that's practically a first draft, thrown together in a few weeks and barely proofread?

Which writer would you want to work with? The one with the good ideas? The one who busts their ass to perfect every draft? Or the one who pumps out a shoddy draft and figures it's somebody else's job to make it good?

Use your brain.

So if you like, you can crank out shitty draft after shitty draft and keep throwing them at the wall, but you'll be competing with my best work. Good luck.

Query time

When I was first looking for a rep I was just excited when anybody wanted to read my material. I didn't care who they were - I'd have run after whatever rep came along. And lo and behold, the rep who came along was actually pretty well established.

But now I'm a little pickier. I ask more questions, do more research. I'm not blanketing the town with queries. I'm picking the dozen or so agents and managers I'd most like to work with, both in the majors and in boutiques.

Being with the majors would be great, but you end up a little forgotten. When your rep only has a handful of steadily working clients you're way more important than you are if your rep works for huge stars. So at this stage, I'm less about a flashy name and more about a track record of getting clients work.

Fortunately this time around I have friends who can pass my work on, but that still takes time, so in the meantime I'm sending out those good old fashioned queries. We'll see how it goes.

Checkpoint

Okay I'm back. I had to finish the yearbook. We were a week and a half late, and we misspelled a shitload of names, but we turned the damn pages in. They look pretty good if you don't know how to spell.

Now I have to get caught up on the 30,000 papers that found their way into my grading pile while I put all my attention on the book, but then I can get back to writing. Spring Break is coming up and I plan to write during the day and grade at night. And some day, some distant magical day, I will take an actual break.

So my writing goal for the next week is to iron out all the kinks in my treatment until I know every major beat of the story. Then I can jump in and hopefully have a first draft ready to go by the time Summer vacation gets here, so I can spend the summer rewriting.

That's the plan.

Your own favorite lines

I'm on the hunt for a new rep, so to build my confidence today I'm thinking about awesome things I've written, things that made me giggle as soon as they came out of my brain, because even though I'm terribly insecure about my writing at times, I crack myself up during the first draft.

These are my two favorite lines of dialogue I've ever written:

1) "Nobody's leaving until we get what we came for, so take off your pants and fuck your girlfriend. Or fuck my girlfriend. Either way, somebody's getting fucked and you're going to fuck 'em."

2) "Hey I met like four new people yesterday and only killed one of them.  Percentagewise I'm in the black."

What's your favorite line you've ever written? Share time.

How not to write a query letter

As almost a part two of yesterday's post, I bring you a query letter so horrible I did not believe it was real even though the poster of said letter swears it is.

Gaze upon its glory and be amazed. I bring you the query letter for Violet Thunder.

How to make yourself look like an ass on the Internet

Yearbook is slowly making me insane. Our deadline was Monday, then Wednesday, now it will be a miracle if we finish it this week. The kids are busting their little butts, but there's only so much time. Personally I'm really working on an ulcer. On the upside, I figured out how to do something new in Photoshop today. I cheered so much, you'd think I won the Nicholl.

So I will share with you this while I still have my higher brain functions intact.

You may have already seen it because it's gone viral, but in case you haven't, here's a perfect example of how not to take criticism. Read the comments on this woman's book review:

Big Al's review of The Greek Seaman

And if that's not enough schadenfreude for you, check out her Amazon page.

On the one hand, she's gotten a lot of publicity about this, which has probably translated into sales to the curious. On the other hand, damn lady.

Something about music and opposites and Kurosawa

When I was in high school I sang in a band. We were pretty awesome with our ukulele solos, but this one time we played a show with a band called Roshomon. Now I'm not sure how a bunch of high school students knew that word, but it was the only way I knew that word until I was in my late twenties when I kept hearing about this movie that apparently took its title from that band those kids played in at my high school.

So I finally saw the film, and it was pretty cool, but then I saw Seven Samurai, and that was some good shit. Then I saw Ikiru and I was done. DONE, I say. Who knew a movie with no gun or sword battles at all would be the one to win me over?

Anyway, I love Kurosawa. LOVE. I inhaled his autbiography. My favorite part was the beginning, where he talked about how his teachers thought he was so dumb he was nigh unteachable, and lo, he turned out to be Kurosawa. I got a lot of cool things out of that book because he is, in the end, a great writer before he is anything else, but I'm going to talk about one thing in particular that I liked.

He said he realized one day that he needed musical queues as opposites. That if a character has a fight scene, you play music that is really serious and sad. I don't know - I'm paraphrasing and there's a dog in my lap so I'm not getting up to get the book to quote from it, but I liked that bit about opposites in music.

That doesn't mean you always have to have opposites, but I like when that happens. I always wanted to have a kickass action scene play over some ABBA. That's why I was so thrilled when Community did it. Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this but fuck it.

I love Kurosawa, is my point.

This week

Wednesday the school yearbook is due, so I'm hellabusy. I'm neglecting all my other classes - we're just watching whatever movie I can loosely attach to the curriculum or reading silently, and I haven't graded papers in weeks.

Fortunately my script is done for now, so I don't have any pages to work on this weekend, but I do want to complete the treatment for the new project. As is the case with so many scripts, I have no idea what to do with Act 2, but it will come to me.

In the meantime, I'm probably going to just post links to things I think are cool for the next few days.

I'm going to start with this: Shit My Students Write, where a teacher posts shit her students write. It's pretty awesome.

Nice Girls is on its way

After rewrite after rewrite, it was good to finally get a handful of micro notes last night.

A friend who helped brainstorm my latest script in its original form read the best version yesterday, then we hopped on chat so he could give me notes. I love doing notes via chat. He can ask questions, I can ask questions, and I can have the script open at the same time and fix the issues as he tells me about them. It's my favorite way to do notes. It only works if you're on minor fixes, though. Not so much when there's major story problems.

But I finished it, submitted to Nicholl and sent it to a couple of people who know people.

So now it's out in the world, making a name for itself. And I get to start thinking about the next thing.

Annie and Sally - Being Human's two different ghosts

I've been watching both versions of Being Human - the BBC version and the Syfy version - and I enjoy them both. What I especially appreciate is the way the American version has taken the story in a new direction instead of cloning the original. In some ways, I like the choices the American version has made better.

I do love Nina, though. Spunky little Nina.

Anyway, all that said, I have an issue with the ghost.

In the British version, Annie the ghost was murdered by her fiance. He was an abusive asshole who pushed her down the stairs, where she cracked her head open on the landing. Annie is the kind of woman who has deep insecurities, the kind of woman who is so afraid of being alone that she'll allow a man to treat her like crap because she thinks she's lucky to have him around. She demonstrates this in everything she does. Before she realized he killed her, she tried to follow her fiance around, thinking it was now her job to protect him. She takes care of everybody even in death, and in the current plotline she dotes on Mitchell - a vampire with a nasty past - because he saved her from a terrible fate.

In the American version, Sally the ghost was murdered by her fiance. He was an abusive asshole who pushed her down the stairs, where she cracked her head open on the landing. Sally is the kind of woman who always dreamed of traveling, regularly gave rants in her college classes about the stupidity of the state of marriage, takes no time at all to fall for a new ghost she ran into, and immediately gets angry and revengy when she finds out how she died. She's about as insecure as a bear.

I understand the desire to make an American woman strong and independent, but the kind of woman she is in this story is not the kind of woman who lets a man abuse her for very long. The British version is about a woman learning to balance her own independence with her desire to feel needed and desired. The American version is about a girl who is actually pretty together except for the whole dead thing, and she's just pissed off at the guy who killed her, but seems to be almost over it already.

I'm all for strong women, but not when they make no sense.

A Q&A with Michael Mann, or, what not to ask at a Q&A

Saturday night the Beefcake and I headed down to the Egyptian to watch a 25th anniversary screening of Manhunter, followed by a Q&A with Michael Mann.

So first, interesting things he said:

-He worked on the script for Heat for quite a while before he realized the final image of a dying man holding the hand of the man who shot him. Then he reverse engineered the script to make that happen.

-If there was one world he'd go back to, it would be Last of the Mohicans. He would never go back to something as dark as Manhunter if he can help it.

-During the final shootout in Manhunter, they had no money and no time, so Michael Mann held the camera himself, shot a sequence of the gunfight, then cut, burned a hole into Tom Noonan's shirt, then called action again. And that's how he shot it - like a low budget indie with himself as camera operator.

-Tom Noonan is a weird dude. Michael Mann said this: "Well, you know, he's from North Carolina, so...." What the fuck, Michael Mann?

So now, the real point to this post.

I have been to a lot of Q&As in my time since moving to Los Angeles, and I have heard some stupid fucking questions, but I have never heard questions as idiotic as the ones I heard at this screening. They were so bad, the entire audience was groaning, and we even joked with some guys on the way down Hollywood Boulevard as we made up additional stupid questions people could have asked.

And yet, for every stupid question, Mann answered with class and honesty. Often he just answered whatever good question he could create out of the stupid shit he was asked.

So now I present to you, my paraphrase of stupid questions asked of Michael Mann at the screening:

-You worked with Gong Li on a movie. How come people don't work with her more often? She's great. Also, I heard lots of the actors were afraid of shooting in real locations on that movie. Why?

The movie she's talking about is Miami Vice, but she didn't seem to know that. Michael Mann said Gong Li speaks no English, and the actors weren't afraid of the location shooting.

-I didn't understand that whole part of the movie when he figures out the label on the film canister and matched it with the label on the other canister. Can you explain that, because I didn't understand it. How did he make that conclusion?

The interviewer explained the scene to the guy. You had one opportunity to ask Michael Mann a question, and you ask him a clarifying question about a scene that made perfect sense to every other person in the room? Really, old man?

-The ending of this movie I've always found to be so cheesy. And the freeze frame - ugh. It's just so cheesy and bad. Have you ever thought that?

Michael Mann responded that he's frequently retooled his films and rereleased them in different versions because he's never satisfied.

-Yesterday I overheard you talking once to Madeleine Stowe about a project. Was that a real conversation?

Yes it was a real conversation.

-Are you bitter about the success of Silence of the Lambs?

No.


So here's what we can learn from this. When you go to a Q&A and you have a question, think about the following things: Are you the only person in the room who would have this question? Are you only talking so that you can let everybody in the room know something about you? Are you about to insult the person you're asking? Do you just have a bunch of statements that you are going to somehow remix into a question after you give a fucking speech about some bullshit? If you answered yes to any of the questions, shut the fuck up and let the grown ups talk.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

You should watch this trailer.

Possibly the most meta film ever, The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, is coming soon. Morgan Spurlock is one cheeky bastard.

A scene from class about Anne d'Autriche

Every month I go to this workshop and we write stuff. Plus they give us breakfast.

Today the assignment was to become a character from history or literature who you know a lot about and do a bunch of assignments with that character. There were some pretty cool assignments, but the culminating task was to write either a eulogy or a scene from your character's life. Most people in the group write in prose, but since I do scripts I wrote mine as a script.

You may remember last month's bizarre scene. This one is taken from the life of one Anne of Austria, queen of France, on the night she and her husband finally knocked boots after years of awkwardly staring at each other from a distance.

Yes, my hero is Anne of Austria. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Anyway, here's the scene I wrote today:

INT. THE ~LOUVRE - NIGHT

In its most elegant hey day, filled with busy servants and elegant tapestries.

INT. ANNE'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

ANNE OF AUSTRIA, teenage queen of France, all blonde curls and smiles, laughs with her chief lady in waiting, MARIE DE ROHAN, in their bed clothes. Anne speaks her French with a thick Spanish accent, often forgetting words. Marie supplies those that are missing.

INT. LOUIS' BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

LOUIS XIII, teenage King of France, timid and pale, tries to read while his best friend and chief advisor, DUC DE LUYNES, paces back and forth through the room.

DUC DE LUYNES

For God's sake, man, if she could climb into your lap and still maintain her considerable dignity she would. Her only job in this world is to make you a baby. Would you please go to the woman?

Louis throws down his book.

LOUIS

What do you have against literacy?

DUC DE LUYNES

The woman is your wife. She beautiful, demure-

LOUIS

Spanish.

DUC DE LUYNES

You don't need words to fuck the woman.

LOUIS

I don't... I can't...

DUC DE LUYNES

Oh for God's sake.

He grabs Louis by the arm, yanks him out of his chair.

Duc De Luynes throws open the door, pulling Louis into the

HALLWAY

Where servants start, not sure what they ought to offer the king in his bed clothes.

Luynes drags Louis down the hall.

LOUIS

I beg your pardon, sir! I am the king and I shan't-

DUC DE LUYNES

Hush!

A bodyguard moves to intervene. Duc De Luynes puts up a hand to stop him.

DUC DE LUYNES

The king of France is off to make a baby! Do not stand in his way!

The guard backs off, amused.

INT. ANNE'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT

Anne stares at herself in the mirror, pushing her breasts together.

ANNE

Better?

MARIE

Have you considered getting him drunk?

ANNE

Is it my nose? Perhaps my nose is too round.

MARIE

Your nose is beautiful. The man is an imbecile. My husband says-

The door flies open. Duc De Luynes SHOVES Louis into his wife's room.

DUC DE LUYNES

Your Majesty, your husband the king would like to fuck you now. Ah, my dear wife, shall we?

ANNE

What is "fuck"?

MARIE

You'll find out, my lady.

She touches Anne on the cheek, then grabs Duc De Luyne's hand, bows and they exit together. He grabs her ass on the way out.

Louis and Anne stare at one another. Or rather, Louis stares at her breasts.

ANNE

I am glad you have come.

LOUIS

I didn't... Luyne made me....

ANNE

Oh.

LOUIS

No, I mean... I find you very pretty, I just, I don't know if...

Anne stands up, glides toward him. A soft kiss on the cheek. He stands, frozen.

ANNE

Come.

She pulls him to the bed. She puts her hand around his neck and pulls him in. A gentle kiss.

He backs up, stares at her. Eyes meeting for the first time since, maybe ever.

He grabs her, pulls her into him. He possesses her. Finally.

FADE OUT.

The opening scene to Nice Girls

Yesterday Jabberwocky, who is apparently not named for my favorite poem, requested that I post the opening pages to Nice Girls Don't Kill. Never one to deny such a request, I have posted them.

I DO NOT WANT NOTES. Like AT ALL. At this point the script is completed and being read around town, and I've already worked this scene a number of times. In fact, if you're on Done Deal you can find the thread where I workshopped this scene. Anyway, here's the final product:

FADE IN:

EXT. PUBLIC LIBRARY - RAINY DAY

It might as well be night, as evil as that sky is. The rain is POURING hard on the pavement in front of the library. Only one car in the parking lot.

A Jeep Cherokee pulls up.

INT. PUBLIC LIBRARY - RAINY DAY

Budget cuts have hit this place hard, but there's still a bank of five-year-old computers near the entrance.

YANCY, fifties, graying, well-worn bifocals, hums as he fiddles with a few cables at the back of one of the machines. Only one light is on in the empty room.

A fist BANGS on the door.

Yancy pops up. He can barely make out a small figure in the rain.

He motions to the sign posting the hours of operation.

The fist bangs again.

He stands up and walks to the door. He points to the sign.

The figure, now clearly identifiable as a GIRL wearing a backpack, makes a motion of pleading. She's drenched.

Yancy opens the door a crack.

YANCY

I'm sorry, the library is closed on Mondays.

GIRL

(Southern accent)

Please! Honey, can I just use the phone? Mine died, and my car...

He nods, waves her inside.

She shuffles inside where we get a good look at her.

LANA. A young 30 something, wet hair clinging to her face. Absurdly hot. You want to ask her out, but you're afraid she'll eat your head after she fucks you.

Yancy hands her his cell phone.

YANCY

Here. If you-

Her phone rings. Warrant's "Cherry Pie." She ignores it.

She shoves his phone in her pocket.

LANA

This place is so quiet. I like it. Y'all still got that Dewey system?

YANCY

Listen, miss, I don't have time to-

LANA

Oh I apologize, Yancy. How rude of me. I'm Lana.

She waves, bright smile.

He begins to hyperventillate.

LANA

You got that Child Called It? I heard that's a good book.

YANCY

I didn't do it. Whatever it is, I swear. I'm not the one.

LANA

Joe thinks you got his money.

YANCY

I don't! Oh God, that's not me! I told Carl!

He falls on the floor, grabs her leg and pleads. Lana tries to shake him off. This is uncomfortable.

YANCY

Call Carl! Why would I tell him about missing money if I'm the one who stole it?

LANA

Please get off me, honey.

He clings even tighter.

YANCY

Call Carl! Please!

She tries to shake him loose, to no avail.

LANA

GET OFF!

YANCY

PLEASE!

She sighs, pulls a gun out and shoots him in the foot. He screams and lets go to nurse his injury.

LANA

Listen, honey. I'm a nice girl. I don't do that whole bamboo under the fingernail shit, but if you paw at me again I will shoot off your shriveled old Willy, put a knife in your gut and leave you to bleed to death. Are we clear?

He nods, weeping over his foot.

YANCY

Ask Carl. I told Carl.

LANA

You tell anybody else?

YANCY

I don't know... um.... I don't know!

Lana shoots him in the shin. He shouts. Her phone starts to ring again. "Cherry Pie."

YANCY

NO! Only Carl! I don't have the money I swear!

LANA

I know, honey.

She shoots him in the head. Picks up the still ringing phone.

LANA

(into the phone)

Elliot how many fucking times have I told you not to call until the job's done?

She wipes Yancy's phone of fingerprints, tosses it on his body.

LANA

No, I didn't find the money. Idiot died first.

She searches his wallet. Pulls out a twenty.

LANA

I know. You think you know somebody, then they steal your shit. You gonna have my payday in the right box this time?

(beat)

Don't get all huffy, honey, it's not my fault you're such a goddamn fuck-up.

She hangs up.

She dials a saved number.

LANA

(into the phone)

He's dead. You're in the clear.

She throws the phone down.

She looks at the body.

LANA

Let's rock and roll, honey.

She reaches into her backpack and pulls out a bottle of bleach.

She starts pouring it over the body.

LANA

(to the tune of "Cherry Pie")

She's my Cherry Pie. Motherfucker's dying and he don't know why.

What happened to my rep?

So some time ago I got repped. It was a glorious day. A day of Validation.

I don't suck! Somebody in an influential position thinks I can write! Yaaaay! And then I waited for success to roll in.

Manager was successful. If you've seen the Black List, you've heard of her clients. She read my zombie action script, liked me, started listing people she could get me in a room with. I was so excited I thought I'd pee my pants.

When we finally met in person, she said "What I like about you is that you write commercial scripts." I write things she can sell! They like it when you write things they can sell.

At the time I had a lot of garbage on my computer and this one good script. But Zombieland was coming down the pike so my script wasn't really as original as it was when I started working on it. It's also got a huge budget, so it's great for showing what I can do but not likely to sell outright.

Now, at the time, I had this good script, but not the most original idea, and now it seems like everybody and their mom has a zombie script in their collection. So I decided to write something truly original. I wrote a martial arts script that takes place during the Civil War and features a female Confederate sympathizer as the lead and includes an interracial sex scene. I was working on this script when I hooked up with Manager. I raced to get it done so I'd have something to show her.

So basically, the same day she told me how much she liked that I wrote commercial projects, I handed her the most impossible to sell project she's ever seen. NOBODY will buy this. And on top of that, it had weaknesses. In my rush to get the script to her, I didn't take the time I needed to perfect what was a VERY difficult script to pull off. Maybe if it had been genius it wouldn't have mattered that it was so risky, but it wasn't genius.

She got me a meeting that went well and landed me an unpaid project. At the time I was just glad to be in with a legitimate production company, so I didn't mind not getting paid. But the project fizzled and died over time.

I wrote another script, this time trying to make up for the unsellable scripts I had given her. I wrote a chase movie that never really worked. I sent it to her even though it wasn't ready. I was just in such a hurry to get some attention before my opportunity passed.

Mind you, Manager is at this point working for one of the major management firms in the city, managing careers of writers who make her money. And here I am, floundering, trying to impress her with subpar work. Because no matter how low I am on the totem pole, had I given her a brilliant script, she would have dropped everything and thrown me in front of every producer in town.

I realized at this point that I had jumped into the fray before I was ready. I realized that I'd kind of blown it, because now she had no motivation for reading my next script. I decided it was best to back off and start over with one brilliant project.

So I did. I told Manager that I appreciated everything, which I did, but I needed to work on my scripts for a while and seek out new representation when I'm ready.

That's why I've spent the last six months writing and rewriting and rewriting the project I've almost finished. I will not quit working on it until it's absolutely perfect. In the meantime, I made new friends and found myself in a position to hand my script to plenty of successful agents and managers. So in a few weeks when I have a perfect draft of Nice Girls Don't Kill, I will proudly pass it around, knowing that I now have the patience and skill to do what it takes to build a career.

So this is what I learned from that experience:
1) Do not do projects for free. Ever.
2) Do not send out a script you know isn't as good as it could possibly be.
3) Just having a manager is not enough. You have to make sure the projects you hand them are projects they can sell.
4) If you have a manager who doesn't call you, you do not have a manager.

I finished my scene finally

I have written and rewritten this current project so many times I'm starting to question every decision I make. I am now rewriting individual scenes dozens of times, trying to make everything absolutely perfect. I've never been a perfectionist before.

I should probably put the script away for a week or so and remember that I have a life, but I can't. I just can't. I am tinkering obsessively.

I moved up a scene where my male and female lead meet, so now they're not meeting at a post office where they can move around and interact with things around them; they're essentially meeting in a car. So I have to figure out a way to reveal necessary exposition while doing that whole - I kind of hate you but am also kind of attracted to you - thing, while also having my characters react appropriately to some serious shit that just went down, while also being funny in an absurd kind of way. It's a lot to ask out what is almost all dialogue.

In the end I spent about three days one what turned out to be a three page scene. I tried every permutation. At one point I had a gun go off, which made the driver swerve and crash the car.  I did this just to inject something interesting into what was becoming a really boring conversation and I hated it. In the end, I had to ramp up their reactions. They were way too calm about the whole thing, when one of my strengths in comedy is giving characters absurd situations and letting them react. Once again, I needed to stop thinking so much and let my brain do its thing.

In working that thought, I also realized that this guy would be afraid of her and would have his gun on her, and she'd be afraid of him and would have her gun on him. Before, he had his gun out but she was oddly calm because somehow she knew he wouldn't shoot her. She knew because I knew. Didn't work.

I had a scene where two people explained their exposition to each other. Now I have two people in a car who try to get information while each thinks the other one is trying to kill him/her.

That took three days but it was worth it.

Here I go again on this draft

Annnnnnd it looks like I have to rethink the whole thing again.

Got new notes. Notes said the script isn't working. Characters are interesting, voice is ever present, motivation is off. Why do these characters do these things?

I keep getting this same note and I keep sitting down, addressing the note, handing it back in and getting that note again. So clearly I need more than just a simple fix. Something at the core of the script is not working.

In years past I would have abandoned the script and tried again, and there are still scripts - one as recent as last year - that I abandoned for that reason. But I love these characters and think this story has tons of potential, so I'm going to do another round of massive changes to the first half of the script. I think the second half is working for the most part, but because my first half isn't strong enough people aren't buying how things turn out.

Michael Arndt said he wrote Little Miss Sunshine in three days, and spent a year rewriting it. I remember when I first heard that thinking that sounded ridiculous. I couldn't imagine spending that much time reworking one script.

I can now. It's annoying.

Get busy rewriting or get busy dying

I haven't abandoned this blog, I've just been so insanely busy with my day job I haven't had time to post every day.

There's also not that much going on with my writing other than writing. I've been spending my time working this script and working it and working it and working it. I'm waiting for notes on draft five at the moment. Then I'll do another draft, get another set of notes from a group of brutal note givers, do one more draft and be done. So altogether that's 7 drafts before I even hand it to anyone who can do anything with it.

This may seem excessive, but I've learned over the years that I may only get one chance to impress somebody, so I'm going to write the best damn script I possibly can.

I keep imagining Jennifer Garner reading my script to see if she wants to play my villain, so I'm also writing to impress her.

Of course I'd love it to be done and out and getting passed around town, and I'm tired of rewriting, but I'm more tired of not having a screenwriting career. This script is miles above anything I've done and the difficulty level is high. I know a few people who've come up with an idea like mine and abandoned it because they couldn't make it work. If I can pull this off I'll be in like Flynn.

So here we go. Draft 6.

Please vote for kids when the time comes

I don't talk politics often, but I can't let this one go without a word.

This is for California residents, but anybody else is free to read as they desire.

In a few months you will be asked to vote on our tax rate. This vote is a simple choice. If we vote to keep up our taxes, our school system will only be half as in the red as we will be if we decide to lower our taxes we will cripple our school system. It is that simple.

We have had an outbreak lately of kids getting high and dealing drugs on campus because we had to layoff half our security guards. If a computer breaks, we don't have anyone to fix it. I paid $100 a couple of weeks ago to repair a school computer. Some of my friends are sending me boxes of Post-its because I ran out and the school has no more to give me.

Don't get me wrong, I like my job. I love these kids and I will teach them what they need to know if I have to paint on the white board in ink made from my own blood. But every year since these layoffs started it's gotten more and more difficult to get by.

This time our losses will come mostly from elementary schools. Thirty-one kids per teacher, is what we will have. In ELEMENTARY school. Imagine how much less education they're getting. I cringe to think of how far behind those kids will be by the time they get to us.

We're not allowed to order new textbooks. Summer school has been canceled for anyone but seniors and juniors. We may have to close down our school library for most of the week. I have no idea what will happen to our arts programs, because thus far we've been lucky enough to still have music and art and drama, but electives are no doubt on the chopping block. We already lost all of our health classes.

I'm going to post this again when the time comes to vote, but I just want to give you guys a heads up. I know we all want more money these days. We don't want to pay any more taxes. But the truth is, if we don't agree to this tax increase our kids WILL suffer.

This isn't about my salary or my job. I'm not going to be laid off and I'm not losing money no matter what happens. This isn't about unions or politicians or NCLB or whatever red herring people want to throw out there. This is about our kids. Please do not let them down for a few extra bucks.

GITS Interviews John Swetnam

GITS has a great interview with John Swetnam, writer of Evidence, today. It's good stuff. John is not lying about feedback - I have never known anybody who loved notes more than that dude, both giving and receiving. He works his ass off.

The part of the interview I think is most significant:

We think we're ready before we are. If you think you're ready to send out your script, you're not. If you think it's good enough, it's not. YOU ARE NOT READY. Spend less time worrying about agents, and gatekeepers, and all the other BS and just focus on the writing.

Check it out. It's good stuff.

The problem with the A Team

Remember the show The A-Team? Remember what it was about? It was about a unit of men who helped people even though every time they helped someone it put them at risk of being discovered by the government that wants to put them back in prison.

So what was the movie about? Some dudes who coincidentally met in the desert and blow a lot of shit up while trying to find some plates that will prove... what, exactly? That they didn't steal them? How does finding them prove they didn't steal them?

So let's look at that difference. The show was about helping people at great risk to themselves. In this movie they help ONLY themselves. The show was about life after the prison break. In the movie the prison break - if you can call it a prison break - happens almost halfway through the film.

This is, I think, where the problems with this film started. The A-Team's mission statement is completely wrong.

It feels like someone made a list of cool sounding explosions and ways to defy physics and strung them together loosely with some poorly-thought out plot.

Piloting a tank through the sky? Really? And here's the thing. While they're piloting this tank they're having the time of their lives. Whoa, cool! We're piloting a tank! Except only Murdoch should be acting like that because he's crazy. Everyone else should be having a fucking panic attack. They should be arguing about what to do. B.A grumbles, but he's tied up so it's not really an issue.

Or Face. He's a womanizer, never wants to settle down. It's what he's known for. But when he finally comes into contact with the woman who changed all that, he's already long since fallen for her. We don't even get to watch him change or struggle against that change. It's like every single opportunity for genuine conflict was sucked right out of the story and replaced with a goddamn flying tank.

This movie is never about being a unit, because there's never any question about whether or not they are one. It takes conflict to bring out theme.

So, Emily, put your money where your mouth is. How would you have done it?

Here's how. Start with the prison break. They're trying to run from the law, but they end up running into some people who need their help. One member of the group wants to help, but everybody else thinks it's not their problem. After coming to blows, they end up helping these people. They almost get caught, but get away at the last minute, whatever means they had to clear their names destroyed forever. That would have been my take. And I would not have flown anyone through the sky in a fucking tank.

I had the best cat ever

RIP Cyrano aka "Butters"

1999-2011

I miss you already.

.

Talent vs hard work

Seems like every other day somebody dredges up the old argument about talent vs hard work. Here's my take.

My mom always said "Being gifted and fifty cents buys you a cup of coffee." Obviously you can no longer buy a cup of coffee for fifty cents, but the point remains. No matter how talented or smart you are, if you are unwilling to do any work it's all for naught. We all like to think we're talented, but it doesn't matter how much natural ability you have if you're a lazy ass.

I've seen students with third grade reading levels learn to tell great stories because they try and listen and learn. I've seen brilliant kids drop out of high school and end up in prison because they thought their brains would do all the heavy lifting without any effort from their bodies.

Did you know Kurosawa's teachers thought he was slow? They never thought he'd amount to anything, and of course he amounted to Kurosawa. Know how? He studied, listened, learned. He worked every job available on set and paid attention to the rules of the trade. He wasn't a prodigy, but he did turn out to be one of the best directors ever to work in the business.

Talent can grow if you're not lazy, but you'll never get anywhere if you don't make the effort.

Dead Island

In case you haven't already seen what many have deemed the best game trailer ever, check out the trailer for Dead Island. The movie rights to the game have already sold,. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

Just when you think you know all there is about zombies and zombie fighting games, somebody does something beautiful. I've watched this trailer three times already and am still completely moved. Everybody I've shown it to is blown away.

If only we could all make our screenplays have this kind of emotional impact.

A weird scene

Today in a workshop the instructor gave us an assignment to make a dialogue where an inanimate object testified before a Congressional hearing about slavery. Weird, you say? Very weird.

I misunderstood the instructions - I was not the only one - so while most people just had the "character" give a testimony, I made up an entire scene. I had no idea where the fuck I was going with this thing, and by the time I was done I'm pretty sure I had what Ianesco would have written if he worked on Law and Order.

I finally appear to have scrippets working. I'm going to throw a party.

Anyway, here is possibly the weirdest thing I have ever written:

FADE IN:

EXT. COTTON FIELD - DAY

Yep. It's a field of cotton. Dirty, off-white, scratchy cotton. It's a hot day, like batwings hot. A couple of white GENTLEMEN in black suits they really should consider removing in light of the heat, stand like stone statues among the plants.

A black man, FURNEY, 30s, torn pants and no shirt, points to the nearest COTTON plant.

FURNEY

You tell him, Cotton. You tell him what you told me. Don't you lie, now.

COTTON

Well now, I don't know if I feel like talking anymore.

FURNEY

Come on, man. You know what you saw.

GENTLEMAN #1

Tell us or die.

Gentleman holds up a blowtorch and turns it on. Cotton screams. All the other cotton plants around him take up the wail. It echoes across the field until it drowns out the sound of the crickets and whooperwhils.

GENTLEMAN #1

SHUT UP, COTTON!

Gentleman #2 reaches over and turns off the blow torch.

COTTON

Okay, I'll talk! Just don't burn me, man!

FURNEY

You behave. You tell the nice man what the old slave driver did to me.

COTTON

Well, now you should know this was last season, so my memory's a little shady.

Gentleman #1 goes for the blowtorch. The other cotton plants commence wailing.

COTTON

I'm talking, okay! Put that thing down. Look Furney here was just bending over to pick me up - now it was a really hot day, mind you, hotter than this one here - and he falls right on over on top of me - 'bout crushed me beyond recognition - and here comes Brody the slave driver. "Get yer ass up," he yells. But Furney dun passed right out.

FURNEY

Heat stroke it was.

COTTON

Mm hm. Heat stroke. I seen it before. So Brody takes out his whip and starts cracking it - WHAM! - and Furney starts screaming-

FURNEY

I wasn't screaming.

COTTON

Yes you were.

FURNEY

I'm a man. Man don't scream. Man shouts.

COTTON

Fine. You were shouting. Furney was shouting-

The other Cotton plants all start shouting.

GENTLEMAN #1

Shut up!

He turns on the blow torch. The screams get louder.

FURNEY

I don't think that's working.

Gentleman #2 turns off the blow torch.

GENTLEMAN #1

Look by the end of the day I'm setting something on fire.

COTTON

Not me please.

FURNEY

He won't burn you if you finish the story. Finish the damn story.

COTTON

So Furney starts shouting and Brody - he just keeps whipping and whipping. I got blood on me now, you see? You see the blood? Well, maybe you can't see it no more.

Cotton turns and twists to show the stain. Gentleman #2 makes a note of it on a clipboard.

COTTON

Anyways, it's a miracle Furney is alive. His folks had to drag him out of here, left a trail of blood behind.

FURNEY

Blood on the cotton.

COTTON

Yes sir.

GENTLEMAN #1

Thank you, gentlemen. This will help tremendously in our procedings.

Gentleman #1 sets the field on fire.

FADE OUT.

Trimming

I'm about to branch out with Nice Girls. I've workshopped it in writers group through three drafts now, so it's time for me to see how it plays with a friend of mine who helped me create the original treatment.

But first, I have to knock this puppy down from its current 119 page length.

This is my pattern. I write the first draft, coming in somewhere around 85 pages. Then I get notes and rewrite like crazy, bringing my draft to maybe 95. Then I get more notes, and eventually it creeps its way up to 120 pages.

Of course, we can reasonably turn in scripts of 120 pages, but I don't want to be the longest script in the pile when I can tell the same story with fewer trees.

On the first draft I write whatever I feel like. My mission is to crank through the script in torpedo-like fashion, writing the story with no concern for verbosity. So by the time I get to 120 pages I have long clever passages that sound pretty cool but take up way too much space. Now I have to go through and kick it back to 117, maybe 116.

So it's a word here, a sentence there. If I take two sentences to describe a person, can I cut it to one? Does my character REALLY need to make a big speech here, or can a determined look do the trick? And as I look for these little bits and pieces to trim down, I can also check for typos.

Lessons Armored could learn from Tropic Thunder

Saturday night The Beefcake and I made big plans to stay in and watch movies. We started with Armored, then moved on to Tropic Thunder, and finished things up with a little Die Hard.

And that is how I realized why Tropic Thunder is a much better movie than Armored.

But Emily, you may say, Tropic Thunder is an action movie parody film filled with silliness and Robert Downey Jr in blackface, while Armored is a serious contained thriller. How can you possibly compare two films that have nothing in common besides their complete lack of female characters? Well I shall tell you.

Tropic Thunder is supposed to be a silly movie while Armored is supposed to be this serious character piece, but that ridiculous parody film has way more heart.
I have not read the screenplay; this is based only on seeing the film.

Spoilers for both films to follow.

I now present to you Two Reasons why Tropic Thunder is a Better Film than Armored, by Emily Blake

1) All the actors have something to do.

In Armored, almost every line worth having went to Matt Dillon. A few of them went to Columbus Short who played the guard trapped in the truck, and every now and then they threw a bone to Milo Ventimiglia as he lay on the floor bleeding to death. Laurence Fishburne sneered, Skeet Urich whimpered, Amaury Nolasco tried to look Muslim, and Jean Reno did.... um.... stood around..... made faces? Is that what he did? You honestly could have removed his entire character from the story and it would have made no difference at all to the film. With the exception of Jean Reno, every character got a five minute scene to do some acting, I guess to make up for the fact that they spent the rest of the movie watching Matt Dillon talk. Why bother getting good actors if you're going to make them stand around and say nothing the whole movie?

Now let's look at Tropic Thunder. What's Jack Black's story? He's a heroin addict, and by the end of the film he has faced his addiction and attempted to conquer it. Brandon Jackson has to admit that under all that bravado was a gay man who likes to sew. Robert Downey Jr has to acknowledge that he's a white Australian man who may have to drop character in order to find himself. Ben Stiller has to stop worrying about whether or not he is an "actor" and do the job at hand. Each of these characters needs to admit the truth about the world they live in, and they all get an opportunity to explore that theme. Heck, even Danny McBryde's character gets to deal with the fact that his hero let him down. Everybody has something cool to do.

2) A character struggles with betrayal

Matt Dillon's character in Armored practically helped raise Columbus Short's character. He got him into the armored car business and considers himself a mentor to the kid because Short's dad mentored him back in the day. The film spends a lot of time making sure we know this through on-the-nose dialogue. But when the new guy locks himself in the armored car and refuses to go along with the con now that it's gone off the rails, it takes Dillon's character about three seconds to decide they should force him out and shoot him. There's absolutely no conflict there. Don't you think he would have tried to find another solution? Let's imagine it's Fishburne's character who wants to kill the kid. Dillon would be opposed to that, and they'd argue, so not only do we get more conflict but we give Fishburne something to do, which addresses problem number 1. And Skeet. Poor Skeet Ulrich. We've never even seen these two characters talk before, and all the sudden we're expected to believe that Skeet is going to go against Dillon the bully to save this new guy. It's conflict slapped onto a scene, not drawn out of the natural reactions of the characters.

And somehow in that final confrontation we get this meaningful look between two guys who used to be friends. Why? They stopped being friends a long time ago as soon as Matt Dillon decided he wasn't conflicted about murder. That deep look between men moment means nothing now.

So now let's look at Tropic Thunder. Matthew McConaughey's character, Peck, LOVES Ben Stiller's Tugg Speedman. Like, LOVE loves. We know this because he has a Scorcher VI poster HUGE on the wall behind him, and because when Tugg calls, his phone plays "Sometimes When We Touch." Now that ring tone is played for a laugh, but it's also very telling about the way Peck feels about his client. So when Tom Cruise offers him the opportunity to forget about Tugg in exchange for a jet. And for a second you don't know what he's going to do. The look on his face says he's considering betraying his friend. Then, when he decides to fight for Tugg, he does everything within his power to convince the studio mogul to change his mind. It creates great conflict, and again - it gives the character something cool to do other than watch one guy make decisions.

I've heard the screenplay for Armored was amazing, so I assume this is a result of an unfortunate trip through the production machine, but whatever the cause, it failed to engage me as much as Ben Stiller's comic masterpiece.

How to take notes

In the past few months I've gotten a lot more requests than usual to give notes. In the beginning I was so glad to be asked that I did notes for anybody, but as time has gone by I can't keep up with the requests, and I've gotten some really negative responses to my notes so I just don't want to do it anymore. The people who can't take notes properly have turned me off from giving them. Why should I waste my time if you're going to be a dick about it?

I know that when I first started getting notes from people I wanted to defend my choices just like everybody else, but as time has gone by I've realized that you can either listen and address the note or ignore it if you don't like it. No need for an argument.

With that in mind, Derek Haas wrote up this set of etiquette rules for receiving notes, and I felt like it bears reposting:

1. If the person says "no," we don't get mad.

2. If the person says "yes," and then never gets back to us, we don't get mad. In fact, we should swallow our pride and expectations, and never bring up the script again.

3. If the person agrees to read it, we shouldn't say, "don't forget that it is registered with the guild."

4. If the person finally gives us notes, we shouldn't argue on why his or her notes are wrong.

5. If the person tells us to work on something, we shouldn't keep on defending the choice that we made. We should try to understand the thinking behind the note and try to come at what we wrote from a different angle.

6. If we disagree with the note, instead of arguing, we can always just choose to ignore the note.

7. If the person gives us a few non-specific critiques, we can probably guess that he or she didn't like the script and just didn't want to get into specifics. So we shouldn't ask them to be more specific unless we are willing to get the hell beat out of us. And REALLY willing not just partially willing.

8. If the script is more than 120 pages, we shouldn't expect the reader to read them all unless he or she really wants to... because at 120+ pages, there is definitely some fat that we should have trimmed.

9. If the person is not a professional screenwriter, reader, producer, agent, agent's assistent, studio exec, or someone in the business, we should know that the notes we are receiving may not be any better than if we had gotten them from our friends or loved ones. And yet, if we hear the same notes over and over and over, even from the biggest beginner, we should probably realize that there is a major problem in that part of the script.

10. If the person says "yes," actually reads the script, and gives us thoughtful, carefully considered notes... we should thank that person profusely.

Talk to me. I will recommend you something.

One of the great joys of my job is introducing kids to new stories. The major assignment for my juniors this semester was to read a novel of their choosing by an American author and write an essay then do a presentation about a book by that author.

One of my kids really really wanted I Am Legend but another kid got to it first. He was all pouty about it, so I had to quickly come up with another book he would love even more. I thought and decided to recommend Ender's Game.

At first he was all "I don't like sci-fi. This book looks stupid." Then he read the first chapter. He was still kind of grumpy. Then a day later he started telling me how much he enjoyed reading about Ender beating the crap out of his bully. We talked about how Ender's experience has some similarities to the way Einstein's theory of relativity led to the atomic bomb and he jumped on that. He was fascinated by the idea of that, as if he'd never realized books could be compared to real life issues.

But when he was done with Ender's Game he read I Am Legend for fun. Then he got so used to reading every day that he went back to the library and checked out something else. He's a total book worm now, always asking me if I've read whatever book he's into now. The other day he got all mad because there is not yet a sequel to the last book he enjoyed.

Every now and then I'll talk about a book or a movie and kids will ask me to write the title down. I look around and there are kids copying it so they can go get it somewhere. These kids NEVER take notes, so I'm just glad they heard something I said and cared enough to copy it. That's how I introduced these kids to films with subtitles.

I consider that whole recommendation thing a key part of my job. It's up to me to convince some of these kids they like to read when they think they don't. "You need a book, eh? Well let's see. What do you like?" Then I have to figure out how to give them a book they love so much they'll want to try reading something else when they're done.

It's pretty cool.

I know what the problem is

A few weeks ago while I worked on the third draft of my current script I thought about how I didn't really have a solid goal for my protagonist. Sure enough, big note at the writers group meeting - what's the goal?
So I did a rewrite this weekend, an all day writing marathon on Saturday where I blocked out everything else and just went from beginning to end, adding in my protag's goal. And I hated my pages.

I kept thinking all night last night that now I've given my protag a goal, but it comes on page 50. I know that's too late in the story. Part of me thought maybe I can just send this to the group and....

Yeah but I know that won't work.  The thing is, I have a good group. If I see it, they'll see it. If I don't know my character they notice. If I have a vague idea of the events in this story they'll notice. And if my protag doesn't know what her objective is for half the screenplay, they'll notice. I know what I need to do. If I want to stop getting macro notes I need to do it.

So I said to myself, Self, this event that gives your protag an objective needs to be moved up.

But it's hard. Moving this event up means I'll have to change things I thought were set in stone. It's a domino that isn't so easily fixed. So I can either ignore the problem and get a new set of notes telling me to fix it and have to do it anyway, or I can sit down with this damn thing, put aside all distractions AGAIN, and fix it now.

Time to get to work.

Minor characters and Die Hard

Die Hard is indeed one of the finest action films ever made.

Script Shadow wrote an excellent post this week about what made it so fantastic and the lessons we can learn from it about how to write action films. I encourage everyone to read it.

One of the other reasons I love Die Hard that he didn't really bring up is how each individual character gets his own backstory. The terrorists argue with each other about petty shit. That Asian dude wants a candy bar in the middle of a gun fight. The black dude is one cocky son of a bitch - probably made enemies of everyone he went to high school with. And that one Johnson really annoys the shit out of the other Johnson.

Each of these people gets a small amount of screen time but I know something about them besides that they are terrorists or FBI agents. It's usually the part they cut out of the movie when they show it on FX, but it's the very thing I love most about the film. Everybody gets their moment.

Thanks to that film, I always remember to have my "I was in junior high, dickhead!" moment. You know, the scene where the Johnsons are in the helicopter and the older Johnson is all excited and shouts about how it's just like Saigon and the younger Johnsons says "I was in junior high, dickhead!" and right then, right before the unfortunate explosion that pounded them both into bits of dust, you know these guys.

So as I'm working a screenplay, I always try to keep that scene in the back of my head. How can I give this minor character his moment in the helicopter? He's got five seconds; what can he do in that time that will demonstrate his true personality?

I don't know if anybody really cares whether my henchman is a coffee nut or not, but it makes me happy when I give him that little bit of extra love.

What's next

I think one of the most important things I've learned over the years - and I didn't realize I'd learn it until just now - is knowing when to let an idea go.

When I first started writing screenplays I'd get an idea and immediately set about putting it together. I'd do my little outline and when I came to a scene I was unsure about, I'd just assume I'd figure it out when I got there because I knew the beginning and I knew the end, so how hard could the middle be?

And that's why most of my early scripts just didn't work.

But these days I come up with an idea and toss it around and then often put it away, maybe for later. As I wind down work on Nice Girls Don't Kill, I keep flipping through ideas I could work on next. I started working on a period piece that I still plan to write some day, but realized it's not a good career move at the moment so I put it on the back burner.

I came up with a script about a lovesick guy searching for his guitar and - just like in the old days - I knew the beginning and end, but not a huge chunk of the middle. I still love the idea, but I think I need time to figure out more story.

I came up with a super hero piece, big budget and kind of nifty, but it involves some serious world creation and I can't decide where I want to go with it yet. Besides, comic book like hero movies are a tough sell for a new writer so it's best if I set it aside.

Each of these ideas goes on an index card on the bulletin board for future pitch meetings. And the search for my next idea continued.

I had an idea today that I like. The best part is that it's a modern take on a Shakespeare play so I don't have to struggle to fill act 2, but the down side is that I'm not the first to attempt reimagining this particular play so it's not the most original idea. It does seem like a lot of fun though. Still, you never truly know if something will work until you start writing.

Who knows, maybe by tomorrow I'll have written it down on an index card and let it go, onto something else. If I can't do a full treatment for the idea that makes the most out of its possibilities, I should keep looking for the next big concept.

The point is, as time goes by, I find myself thinking more carefully about how I spend my writing time. I'm past the point where I need any learning experiences. I want only material I can market.