We see what we see

There's a discussion going on over at Alligators in a Helicopter about various things that annoy the hell out of Scott the Reader.

He's dead on about apostrophes. I have a whole other blog on that, and on this view that English teachers are "ass-puckered" as one of Scott's fine readers asserted, but I will save that tirade for another time.

What interests me is the mild debate people have been having about the old "We see" business.

I don't particularly care for "We see." There's usually a better way to say whatever you're trying to get across. We see pretty much everything you describe, so you don't have to remind us that we see whatever it is you're reminding us that we see. It usually takes you out of the script and reminds you that you're reading one.

But like everything else, there are exceptions. I used a version of "We see" exactly once ever, and Partner made me take it out. But the brain acrobatics involved in getting rid of it were extensive and involved an unnecessarily long debate and I don't feel like the revision carries the point as well.

This script is still in rewrite mode, so this is not the finished scene. We're changing our Carter description for sure, but the rest is pretty close.


The original scene:

INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Carter sits at his desk, a file open in front of him as he watches the kids march through the front gate. Carter is in his mid-thirties but looks fifty with white hair slicked back, horn-rimmed glasses and a stuffy suit encouraging an old man image. A trench coat hangs from a coat rack in the corner.

The desk in front of him is meticulous, as are the filing cabinets and letter trays around the room.

The file in front of him reads "Julio Rios". Beside it is another file, unopened, that reads "Amador Trefolla".

Julio's file contains a report card with all As and Bs and very little else. Amador's file is thick. Discipline reports spill out of it onto the desk. Our glimpse of these files is brief.


The revised scene:

INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Blah blah blah...

Julio's file contains a report card with all As and Bs and very little else. Amador's file is thick. Discipline reports spill out of it onto the desk. But Carter isn't looking at them.


The placement of these files will be important later on so it matters that they're in the scene, but we don't want anyone to know they're important yet.

Discuss.