Thursday, May 31, 2007

Emily mans up


So today at my kickboxing lesson I was having some trouble because my thumb nail kept pressing against my thumb every time I pounded out a cross.

Trainer said, "If it hurts we'll just do some kicks."

No, said I. I love hitting things. So I pulled off my gloves by using my teeth, ripped the end of my nail off above the tip of the thumb and threw it on the floor, then shoved my hand back into my glove. Trainer was disturbed and couldn't watch. But it worked. No more discomfort.

So he hit me repeatedly to teach me about defense. I have leg bruises. But I did get one solid shot to his chest that sent him backing up, stunned. He pounded me in the gut pretty hard a couple of times to remind me to protect myself. Things are getting dangerous.

Then I went into the locker room and overheard a Penthouse Forum letter in the making. There was a tall, skinny chick kneeling over her locker, naked from the waste up. A smaller woman in spandex leopard print pants watched her.

LEOPARD PRINT LADY
How do you keep up your shape?

HALF-NAKED CHICK
I run most days and I have a strict diet.

LEOPARD PRINT LADY
Your body looks really good.

HALF-NAKED CHICK
Thanks. I do okay for my height I think.

LEOPARD PRINT LADY
How tall are you?

HALF-NAKED CHICK
five eight

LEOPARD PRINT LADY
Oh. Well You look really good.

HALF-NAKED CHICK
Thanks. Man, it's hot in here, isn't it?

I feel like I should drink a beer and watch football now.

4 comments:

  1. I'm not sure what this entry is about, but I know I can't stop reading it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world." - Jack Nicholson

    You don't do anything wrong in terms of beer, bunny!

    Keep up the Kathryn Bigelow style of hard boiled woman and you get it sooner or later. Weak moments exist, for that they are here to make us human.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous3:01 PM

    I don't want to drink a beer but I feel all warm in a nice and vaguely unsettling way.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love hitting things to. Do I have to go to a class for that or can I just go to a bar and take the place apart? Damn, if life were only a Jackie Chan movie and I was a short Asian guy with a killer body. Most days overeating works just as well.

    ReplyDelete

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