I have chloroform

If you've been paying attention to me for a while you know about my coulrophobia. It's the fear of clowns. No matter how many times I tell myself they're just a guy in makeup, I still get swept with a paralyzing terror just by seeing a picture of one.

So last night I did the most logical thing possible. I went with a Friend to Universal Studio's Halloween Horror Nights.

I tried to tell one of the evil clowns who jumped at me that I have coulrophobia so could he please go away. He chased me and said, "You have chloroform?" which actually helped because it was disarming and comical.

The whole thing was a blast. Costumed dudes run around the grounds jumping up and scaring you and there are a bunch of mazes where Jason, Freddy and Leatherface jump out and try to grab you around every corner. I kept yelling, then laughing hysterically while Friend grabbed my hood to make sure we didn't end up alone. At one point a girl she'd never met before started grabbing her for the same reason. Another girl stopped in the middle of the Texas Chainsaw maze and refused to go on because she was so freaked out.

All this was fun to me until we went on the Terror Tram, which was an outdoor maze created to honor Jack the Clown.

Yes, so Emily who is terrified of clowns went on the Terror Tram.

And it was okay.

I didn't really look at all the evil clowns who ran up to me, I kind of skated past them mumbling "okay, okay, a guy in makeup..." And imagining that if they came too close I could try out my new spin kick. And then we were back on the tram and I was still alive.

So I went and I saw the clowns and I conquered. Halloween Horror Nights: the cure for coulrophobia. They should put that on the brochure.