As soon as I began working on my new script people started asking me what it was about.
"It's about a modern day superhero with social anxiety disorder who must overcome his fear to save the world from an evil queen."
To which everyone immediately said, "That sounds funny!"
Yeah that's pretty close to high concept right there. You can start thinking of ideas immediately, doncha think? Hilarious ideas?
Except it's not a comedy. In fact this is possibly the bleakest thing I've ever written. Everybody betrays you in the end. No matter who's in charge, we're all screwed. Nobody is who they say they are. Well, all except that one guy, he's pretty cool.
That doesn't mean there won't be funny moments but all in all it's not a funny story. Except that my logline give you a pretty obviously funny setup.
I can either change the story to fit the logline or change the logline to fit the story. Since I'm not much of a comedy writer I have to say goodbye to my perfect little logline. The story is only slightly altered here to prevent thievery, but the gist is there.
But the tone is all wrong and I can't have some executive going Oooooh this will be funny! then reading it and sinking slowly into depression.
Ah, another logline workshop.
ReplyDeleteWe love working for you, Emily. Haha
I think you lose them at "modern day superhero". People tend to think of a 20 year-old guy who just found out he has superpowers. Kent Clark-esque.
Then the whole "evil queen" thing just makes things kind of funny.
What about:
A sociophobic hero must overcome all odds to save the world from its evil ruler.
Of course, evil ruler sounds very moustache-twirling. If the fact that she is a queen is very important, replace "evil ruler" with "empress".
Heck, replace "evil ruler" with "empress" just because it sounds so much better.
I also think it would be better to add some insight into exactly what the queen is doing. If she is enslaving the rest of the world, for example, you could use that as an adjective before "empress".
If she is militant and war-bound, or just completely hell bent, you could provide a smudgeon of insight to spice up the tone of the logline.
This is why I felt "modern day superhero" felt wrong. It screams of high concept because we expect a modern day superhero to be different than an oldschool superhero, if you catch my drift.
Add some more tone to the logline to get the feeling of the story across.
Oh, and thanks for reminding us to update your link on our blogs. I would've forgotten.
"Do not bait and switch your logline."
ReplyDeleteSo no thinking involved with the logline? Just spit it out?
Well, just to clarify, that's not my logline. Until I finish the script I don't want to put my actual logline up there, so I wasn't really asking for help with it, just using it as an example of the dilemma I found myself in. But you do make interesting points, Carla.
ReplyDeleteAnd Anonymous, a "bait and switch" is when you promise one thing and deliver another. So "Do not bait and switch your logline" means don't tell me you're writing a comedy when it's really a drama.
I think it's the situation that a superhero has social anxiety disorder and has to overcome fear that people immediately see the comdic factor.
ReplyDeleteTagging him as troubled or failed would set the right tone in my opinion. Either way a fun problem to solve!
Good luck, have fun!
-Jim
I'd say that what you described wasn't a logline, it was a small synopsis.
ReplyDeleteThe logline, if I read it right would be:
"A superhero struggles with both a psychological disorder and a ruthless queen bent on world domination and ruin."
Em, you might want to check out the early draft of HANCOCK (out this summer with Will Smith), back when it was still called TONIGHT, HE COMES... if you want it, give me a cyberspatial holler.
ReplyDeleteMight or might not affect your approach to your superhero idea.
RP
Oh yeah I heard about that movie. I'm really excited about it.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry it's not close enough to what I'm doing to cause me problems.
I'd love to get a copy of that.
"And Anonymous, a "bait and switch" is when you promise one thing and deliver another. So "Do not bait and switch your logline" means don't tell me you're writing a comedy when it's really a drama."
ReplyDeleteOoooh.
Let me squeeze in here amongst the pros.
Thanks for the meaning of B&S. I’ve actually heard that before, however, it was so far back in my studies, I'd forgotten it.
‘preciatecha
Ah. The bait and switch is a common problem at nightclubs. A hot guy will start to dance with you, then hand you off to his ugly friend. That never works out for anybody, but it doesn't stop them from trying.
ReplyDelete"But you do make interesting points, Carla."
ReplyDeleteCarla?
CARLA?
:P
Umm. Well...
ReplyDeleteYeah I got nothin.
Sorry! The alliteration in your name throws off my typing abilities, CARLO.
“Ah. The bait and switch is a common problem at nightclubs. A hot guy will start to dance with you, then hand you off to his ugly friend. That never works out for anybody, but it doesn't stop them from trying.”
ReplyDeleteI’ve heard some wonderfully stimulatory tales about ugly guys. In fact…
No, let’s not go there. Your new site is so clean.
But let’s do go here…your comment ^ is a great one to brain storm a story.
I feel a great comedy here.
Whadyathink?
But... my name was never Carla.
ReplyDeleteProbably got it mixed with the A in my last name.
No harm done.
Have at it. If it wins something just be sure to tell everybody how inspiring I am.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I mean. You have all forms of alliteration going on in your name. It's enough to confuse my delicate brain-to-finger communication.
ReplyDeleteYou and your comment editing trickery. You said "The change in your name throws off my typing abilities" before.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it's clear now that my name imposes confusion, which explains you changing "change" to "alliteration".
And I'm content with this confusion.
Nice new site, by the way. Almost as shiny as mine. Hehe
I didn't change shit, but if it makes you feel better...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment about the site. I'm happy with it.
Haha
ReplyDeleteIt does make me feel better.
Reminds me a little of one of the blurbs I read for Changing Lanes which made it sounds like it would be a great comedy movie, when it's really not.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes it's not really the fault of the logline; it's that the premise is such a perfect premise for the genre it's mistaken for. This is a great example... the fact that the superhero has (as apparently his main obstacle) social anxiety disorder is a great comic premise. You can see the comedic movie instantly; the bleak drama, that's tougher to imagine in an instant.
ReplyDeleteUmm... the first thing I learned about loglines when pitching it to people is to say what genre it is about.
ReplyDeleteSo, I would stay with your logline if you are happy with it and if it has great responses to it. Just add "it's a 'genre' about" at the beginning.
easiest thing.
a lot of times if you'd compress comedies into loglines, they'd sound like dramas. that's why we invented the term genre.