Thursday, September 03, 2009

Gamer - really?

So the new trailer for Gamer carries the line "The last time Gerard Butler kicked this much ass, it was 300 years ago."

Um what? Hey marketing guys, did you even see that movie? Or read a history book ever? Oh no I get it, you were like "Let's remind everybody he was in a movie they liked and maybe they'll think this is like that movie!"

Why does it look so much like that movie sucks? I mean without reading a single review - because even though it opens this weekend there have been no reviews - I just know it blows goat balls. How do I know this? I mean other than the fact there have been no reviews. Or the fact that it's a 95-minute action film.

I'm serious. Why is it so obvious this will be garbage? Because until I looked it up I didn't know it was 95 minutes or that it was not screened for critics or that it had two directors and like thirty thousand producers. But you can just tell from the trailer and the poster, which is everywhere around town. This is not a good film.

And who will go see it? And how did it get a Labor Day weekend opening when it's so obviously horrible? Why throw Labor Day weekend away on a film you're not even confident enough to screen for critics?

Your thoughts, please.


  1. My guess is Gamer does suck balls (I'm not sure specifying the type of balls makes it funnier), although the Crank films are gonzo filmmaking at its best so you never know.

    I would think Gamer would be right up your alley. Aren't you a fan of all those horrible Jason Statham abortions?

  2. I saw the trailer in the cinema and my first thought was "unique business concept". Now, not unique as "never been done", unique as in targeting gamers, for which there are tons, myself NOT included.

    As much as I hate to say it, I hope they make a ton and tentpole a great film that is just waiting to be done. But chances are they'll be like banks: making a ton and still not loaning.

  3. yes, but that's the point... it's a stupid popcorn flick.

    personally I think Transformers 2 looked even more stupid (and was so unbelievably BORING, this coming from a gal who loves action movies).

    by the way, the tagline about 300 years ago-- is just dumb and makes no sense. the Romans weren't around 300 years ago. Geez.

  4. Haven't seen the trailer, but the premise sounds not horrible.

    Future prisoners fighting 3rd person for people in a 1st person shooter.

    If they just get that right, it'll be OK.

    I actually just saw it and it looks mindless enough to be enjoyable.

  5. Anonymous8:42 AM

    I'm a bit confused myself as to why Labor Day has been thrown overboard by the studios this year. I know it's late in coming and the kids are back in school but it's STILL the (unofficial) end of summer.

  6. I agree, this looks like a turd.

    The trailers I have seen have just confused the shit out of me.

    I like Butler and I make it a point to see Sci-Fi movies in the theater because we don't get a lot of them... but this looks really cheesy.

    On the other hand I saw a preview of Surrogates last night and that looks interesting.

  7. The commercials are indeed awful. But "Crank 2" was the most fun I had watching a movie this year, and it's the same writer/directors. So based on that I'm going anyway. Probably a mistake, but it's only competition this week is "Extract." And although I like comedies, I usually don't feel like I need to see them on the big screen.

  8. Does the trailer really say "300 years ago?" 'Cause I'm pretty sure Thermopylae happened, like, 2500 years ago (480 BC).

    But, given what you've said about "Gamer," I have the sad feeling they really think it was 300 years ago.

  9. Or maybe, uh, that was kind of your point, that the marketroids had confused 300 Spartans with 300 years ago? Or that they were using a nonsensical catchphrase with the number "300" to remind people of the Spartans?

    Or maybe I just need to start drinking coffee, so I don't spout off like a doofus first thing in the morning.

  10. Lol Steve.

    And Jack, you make a lot of assumptions. I like Jason Statham. I never said I liked all of his films.

    One of my my frequent sayings is that I like explosions with subtext. Plains old explosions are not enough.

    And I agree Brian, it is high concept. Maybe my biggest problem is that I don't see how the premise makes any sense.

    I'm curious to see how it does this weekend.

  11. it was 300 COMMA years ago.

    yeah, that's what they meant.

    Sure, it is.

  12. I didn't assume you liked all of his films. I said you like the abortions he's made.

    He's made five good films. Lock Stock. Snatch. Crank 1 & 2. The Bank Job.

    Anything else on his resume is shit.

  13. Actually that's the definition of an assumption. You have no idea which of his films I like.

    As far as I know he's never had any abortions.

  14. I can't be sure, but I think all of my high school teachers knew the definition of "assumption". I'm sure you know the definition, it's just escaping you at the moment.

    Geez, Emily. I know most of your talkbackers just kiss your ass but I thought you had a little thicker skin than this.

    Abortions? Italian Job. The three Transporter films. Death Race.

  15. I love how every time I disagree with somebody they accuse me of not having thick enough skin.

    You assume you know what I like but you don't. I thought Death Race was retarded. Yes, I liked The Italian Job. I thought the first Transporter was the only good one of the three. I thought the first Crank film was kind of dumb, which is why I haven't seen the second.

    And I also think using the word "abortion" to describe a film is unoriginal and hyperbolic.

    And as far as I know, Jason Statham is not actually in Gamer, which is what this post is about.

    Do you actually have an opinion about that or are you just here to lay down some snark?

  16. Surely this is a perfect case of them being completely honest about the movie. They are coming right out and saying that the movie will be as action packed as someone who doesn't exist yet and won't for another 250 years!

  17. Anonymous9:09 AM

    As long as it's not the Ugly Truth 2, it has to be better, right?

    That said, I was very disappointed by the movies opening on Labor Day weekend and agree that H'wood really let us viewers down.


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