Thoughts on the show, The Vampire Diaries

I took one for the team, everybody. I watched the pilot for The Vampire Diaries. I'm not entirely sure how I survived.

There's probably like eight million vampire puns I could use here - something about draining the life out of one hour of my existence, something about wishing someone would gauge out my eyes so I could bleed blood or whatever - I don't know. I suck at puns because I hate them. Much like I hate this show.

I miss Buffy.

Hey, CW, yeah. We really fucking needed another teen angst show where kids are far more intense and flick their perfectly shiny hair dramatically as they brood about which hot Jordan Catalano wannabe they can sex up while they try to fit in at their clique - infested high school. And have a black friend.

Come on, we all know the hot broody white dude is going to end up with the hot broody white girl and not the spunky advice giving best black friend who also thinks he's hot. She is also quite possibly the only person of color in this entire small town. Anybody remember Pete from Smallville? Just once I'd like the broody hot white guy to say to her "Sorry, I'm not into black chicks." Then we'd have one honest moment in the story.

I mean really. I don't think it's fair that Supernatural has to share a network with all these silly high school shows.

Oh I guess I should say something about this Vampire Diaries show or something.

Why do good guy ancient vampires keep going back to high school? Seriously, if you spend a lot of time around real high school girls, they spend like 85% of their time either giggling or putting on eye liner. The rest of their time is for gossip and sleeping. They do not eat unless somebody offers them free cookies.

But on this show, everybody in high school is butthurt and bloodthirsty and wears flawless makeup. And keeps an incredibly grammatically correct diary that reads absolutely nothing like the actual journals I've read by actual teenagers.

TV journal:

"I just don't know how to get through all of this. Sometimes I feel like my soul is ripping away from my chi and drifting away on a cloud of essence."

Actual journal:

"OMG I am so fukin pissed off right now! Shit is fucked up! I saw Bryan in the hall just now and he didn't even say hi or nothin!"

In related news, Ian Somerhalder is still fucking hot as hell and I would do him like a high school girl on cocaine.

So in short, this show sucks ass but it has pretty people in it. Pretty white people. And one light-skinned black girl with shiny, straight hair who dispenses advice and goes out with the guy nobody else wants.