Monday, September 12, 2011

"Reboot" is a dirty word

  Dear Powers that Be,

Stop rebooting things. Just stop it. There is nothing wrong with Point Break. There was nothing wrong with The Highlander or Total Recall or Blade Runner. Stop trying to fix things that aren't broken, or to "update" movies that don't need updating.

In fact, if you really want to be productive members of society, you will find a way to go back in time and erase Highlander Two from existence. And also stop George Lucas from hurting us. But I digress.

People are not as retarded as you think. They rejected Bucky Fucking Larson. They can still watch a movie with Patrick Swayze in it. Kids may not know who he is, but they can learn. We can show them. We can sit down with our kids and say, "Hey kid, check out this movie. It's the best movie ever made about surfing and bank robberies!" and the kid will be like "Ooh, cool, the '80s sure did have some neat movies! I didn't know Neo was an actor!" Not every movie ever made has to star Shia Labeouf.

And then, if you stop rebooting things we love, you can hire people to write new things, things that new people will love, things that add to our culture.

I'm not saying don't remake anything. The Crazies remake was pretty good. Not sure what else was. I didn't hate Fright Night. But did Fright Night NEED to be remade?  Did it really? Could someone have written a different movie in its place? Something new, something that would generate its own following one day?

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Point Break is a perfect film. There's no way to improve upon it, and if there's no way to improve upon it, all you're going to do is fuck it up. A lot of us never recovered from the whole Greedo incident, and I'm not sure how much more we can take of the fucking up of things we love. Stop fucking up things you made us love.

With love,


  1. Anonymous6:48 PM

    I'm surprised you didn't include Arthur in your list of unnecessary remakes.

  2. I think there's a time and a place for reboots. BSG was a good reboot because the original was frankly terrible, and the only reason anyone liked the original was because we were stupid kids at the time and there wasn't much to compare it to.

  3. Besides the obvious -- don't fix what ain't broke --

    The real problem is that someone in the chain of command thinks it is to simply remake the movie for a modern audience. They feel the need to make some hidden or change that ultimately damages the movies we loved more than making them "new and exciting."

    BTW -- THE THING. Reboot of a reboot. The twist is -- a female! OMG! So progressive.

  4. I've never understood why remakes/reboots bother people. Just don't see them. Even you, Emily, admit that some of them are okay. But they are only okay with you because you liked them. Well, somebody liked the remake of Fright Night and someone will like the remake of Point Break.

    I judge them on a case by case basis but it doesn't bother me either way.

  5. "that ultimately damages the movies we loved "

    How will a remake of Point Break damage the original?

  6. Amen to that, Emily. If they ever remake Back to the Future I think I would sit into the corner and cry....

  7. Remakes annoy fans of the original films, OLDER fans, fans the industry ignores enough as it is.

    I truly do think the entire industry may be trying to marginalize itself.
    The studios don't seem to WANT anyone over the age of twenty going to a movie anymore.

  8. Forgot about Arthur. There's another one we didn't need. And Conan. But I guess all of America decided we didn't need another Conan. I like Jason Mamoa, though.

    Pustulio, I think that's the key right there. If the original sucked and didn't use its potential, it's a great opportunity for a remake. Ron Moore showed us what BSG could be. But I also think TV is a little different because it's designed to be more contemporary in style.

    James, technically The Thing is a prequel, so I guess I can let that one go. But yeah, don't fix what ain't broke.

    Oh man, Linda, I don't even want to think about that.

    Sean, that's a really good point. But then you look at Transformers, and the vast majority of its massive box office came from the youth. Someone should do something about those kids before they ruin us all.

  9. Thought the exact same thing 1st time I saw the new Straw Dogs ad.

  10. They're just afraid to take a chance on new material. So the great original scripts that sit in all of our drawers don't get made and instead we get Footloose again.


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