I was watching Secret's Out today and I saw a clip about a movie called Brick Lane, a story about an Indian housewife in London who learns to assert herself thanks to the attention of a hot young neighbor. It looked interesting, so I looked it up to see if it was out on DVD yet. It is.
But as I got to the website to look up information on the film you can probably imagine what advertisement screamed at me from the home page: The Love Guru. And given what I was looking up at the moment that advertisement bordered on offensive for how horrible and vacuous it looks.
Little Miss Sunshine was a comedy, but it was well written and with a solid message. Even The 40 Year Old Virgin used a lot of physical humor and dirty jokes to sell its story, but it still had a solid script and a clear message. So it's not about the fact that the film is a comedy because comedies can be freaking awesome. And since my best script thus far has been a zombie tale, I'm certainly not going to attack a movie that doesn't feature "important" subject matter.
What looks so appalling about The Love Guru - which has 10% at Rotten Tomatoes - is that it looks like the studio just slapped together some elements and Mike Meyers showed up for his paycheck. Did you see him on The Daily Show? He looks bored and dejected and maybe drunk. I think he needs to do an independent film soon or he's going to lose it.
Here's how I picture the meeting between executives as they designed this film using their approved list of ideas:
EXEC 1: Hey, we need to get more young white men into the theater. What do they like?
EXEC 2: My son appears to enjoy Jessica Alba.
EXEC 1: Yes! She's very attractive. Let's put her in a movie. Do we have a superhero movie we could toss her into?
EXEC 2: Female superheroes don't make money. Let's make her a comedic sex object. Good Luck Chuck made money, right?
EXEC 1: Yes! And that movie had physical comedy. Let's make a movie with a lot of prat falls.
EXEC 2: Who does pratfalls anymore? Will Farell?
EXEC 1: He's busy making a movie about a Russian curling team. And Adam Sandler is looking for a movie with a plot to maintain his street cred right now. Who else was on Saturday Night Live?
EXEC 2: Mike Fucking Meyers, man. People love Austin Powers. I bet we could get Mike Meyers. He's probably tired of being an ogre. We could get him to do a joke every thirty seconds and then look away like he just farted.
EXEC 1: Yes! Mike Meyers and Jessica Alba. Oh and a midget! Is Mini Me available? Mike could probably get him, don't you think? Adolescent males love midgets.
EXEC 2: And hockey. Jessica Alba, midgets, Austin Powers and hockey.
EXEC 1: We'll be rich! And we won't be fired! Who can we get to write it?
EXEC 2: Oh Mike will write it. It's just like a really long Saturday Night Live sketch - he can handle that. All he has to do is follow our template.
EXEC 1: We'll still need black people.
EXEC 2: We'll make the hockey player black! That's edgy!
EXEC 1: Yes! We'll need something for the women so the guys can bring their dates.
EXEC 2: My niece is in love with Justin Timberlake. And he appears to have been amusing on Saturday Night Live. So he'll be good in this because it will be like a long sketch.
EXEC 1: Brilliant!
EXEC 2: Brilliant!
Hehe. Making fun of Execs has to be the easiest fun one can have.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of another actor, or movie I haven't seen, that I have as much contempt for as Mike Myers and The Love Guru. Talk about selling out, this guy last had balls, wit, and integrity during Clinton's first term.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what happened to that guy as a kid, but his obsession with penis jokes and potty humor border on the sickening and disturbing.
And you're right about 40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up, etc... These films had a heart at the center, whether you liked them or not, they were about real people. Not just boring stereotypes.
I saw a short clip of Myers on Regis and Kelly and he said this was his most well received movie yet and the most fun he's ever had.
I think you're right, he has to be drunk while doing these interviews. Either that, or he's just a flat out liar.
Rant over.
I saw Mike Myers on BET (my sister was flipping through the channels), and he was doing a bunch of weird crap. When he came on stage for the whatever "four hosts talk about hip new music videos with a live studio audience" show, he ran around and high-fived the audience for, like, a minute.
ReplyDeleteI told her to change the channel after one of the hosts shouted "Everybody, MIIIIKE MYYYYEEEERRRRSSSS!!!!"
Myers felt kind of ridiculous, I could tell. But hey, he knows his audience now. He's 'hip'.
(no offense to BET or anything)
that's not actually how THE LOVE GURU came about, it wasn't some studio thing that they developed and then handed him a big check to act in . . . Myers developed it himself, he did several readings at his own apartment and also took his Guru character onstage at several clubs to see how it worked.
ReplyDeleteMuch as many of us like to blame execs (because, well, often they earn it) it really was Myers's show, through and through.
This is not to say I'm defending the film, I haven't seen it (tho' I know some of the actors who did the readings) and from what I have seen, it doesn't look like something I'd care for.
Just wanted to point out that, in this instance, this was something Myers wanted to do and had complete control of. And it went off the rails badly, it sounds like, which is too bad because I do think he's a unique talent.
It will probably be commercially successful in the U.S.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't believe me, think of recent films such as Jackass and Borat.
"Much as many of us like to blame execs (because, well, often they earn it) it really was Myers's show, through and through."
ReplyDeleteDo actors really have that kind of power in Hollywood?
I'm trying to imagine the execs screaming "no no no. We don't want to do this movie!"
And then Mike just putting his foot down.
Actually Hugo, did you see Borat? That movie had a heart. If you pay close attention you'll notice that it's a satire about conservative America.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jackass - well, nobody tried to pretend Jackass had a plot. And I admit when I watch it I laugh. Those guys are just plain stupid. Watching people act stupid is funny. Watching people pretend to act stupid is not.
Well Joshua, Mike may have had some things in mind, but are you trying to tell me he was also the one who wanted to have Timberlake, Alba, et all in the movie? It's such a conglomeration of popular figures that I doubt were a part of his stage act and initial ideas.
ReplyDeleteHe wanted to make a Canadian movie about a love guru trying to help the leafs win the playoffs. It's going to be hard to convince me that he had this finished product in mind. Was "marketable" one of the things he was thinking when he thought of the character and story?
And if Mike Myers IS 100% responsible for what the Love Guru turned out to be, then he is definitely at fault. Just replace "Exec1" and "Exec2" with "Mike Myers" and Emily's joke will still make its point.
Comparing Borat and Jackass to The Love Guru is just insane. Borat was brilliant, and contains one of the greatest comedic performances since Peter Sellers was acting for Stanley Kubrick.
ReplyDeleteJackass wasn't a movie, not in the traditional sense. It was more of a documentary about idiots that like to find new ways to permanently damage their nutsacks. I thought it was hilarious.
The Love Guru is a forty something year old guy having all of his Hollywood friends make obvious cameos as he makes the same dick and fart and midget jokes that he's been making for fifteen years.
Not the same. Not even close.
I group Mike Myers into the same sad category as Eddie Murphy, because their careers have followed the same path. Started on SNL. Made funny movies in the 80s and 90s. Did voicework on a humorous fantasy animated feature.
ReplyDeleteBut give them the free reign to make whatever they want, and what do you get? You get Love Guru and Norbit. Joshua was right--Love Guru was completely Mike's idea, and Norbit was completely Eddie's idea.
I mean, seriously..."Wayne's World" is a masterpiece (and that REALLY IS just a long SNL sketch). Same with "So I married an Axe Murderer" and "Coming to America".
But let's just not discuss "Goldmember" and "Meet Dave".
"Do actors really have that kind of power in Hollywood?"
ReplyDeleteIs this a trick question, or what?
I mean, you're familiar with BATTLEFIELD EARTH, right?
Actors, major movie stars, are THE POWER in Hollywood - because stars equal box office= and they do right up until they don't.
Movies get made a lot of the time because of who is in them.
Not all of the time. But much of it.
Carlo - all I know is what I was told. He developed the script himself, he taped readings of it and worked hard on it . . . and the script was what he wanted, in the end.
Remember back when Myers REFUSED to do a Deiter (Sprockets) movie he had a contract for simply because he felt the script wasn't good enough? And he got sued for it?
So yeah, this one is probably on him.
And Myers is a major player . . . other than the CAT IN THE HAT (which some folks may not blame him for, because he was unrecognizable in it) he's had some major movies on his resume - he's made a lot of dough - that's the kind of actor studios like to be in business with . . . he develops his property on his own and people are just dying to work with him.
my understanding is that LOVE GURU was also fairly inexpensive, which means it will probably be profitable.
But listen, I have not seen the movie. So I'm not talking about how good or bad it is. I'm just saying, in this case, this movie is what he wanted, for better or worse.
I'd have to agree with Carlo Conda. While it's true that this movie originated with Myers, there's no way that the final product was 100% his original vision. I'm not a big fan at all -- but I'd be shocked if it was 50% at best.
ReplyDeleteBut Matt is also right, there's an SNL curse running around. Or an SNL pigeonhole.
As for Borat, I get really tired of hearing about its brilliance. Really tired. Was the performance brilliant? Yes. Was there a message? Yes. Is that why it made money? No. All of that got completely trampled by lowbrow humor and the naked wrestling and the teabagging.
I'd say the same thing about almost every Apatow production. Funny yes, with a heart sure -- but it doesn't seem to be where heart of the filmmaking was put, nor why any of those films made all that money.
There's a reason why execs wrangle shit the way they do. I know we all want to believe that execs are evil and don't care about making good movies. But anyone who has any connection to the business at all knows that just isn't true.
They care. But they also know who their audience is -- and it's a business. So boys get naked wrestling and Jessica Abla. So if you want to blame someone for where American film comedies are headed, maybe we should be looking a little closer to home.
Uh, how can you be sure it's only 50% of Myers vision, I don't get what you're basing that claim on . . . that's an unfounded claim.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, there's a good chance Myers is fully responsible for Love Guru. It doesn't mean he's any better than a grubby Exec, though. :P
ReplyDelete"There's a reason why execs wrangle shit the way they do. I know we all want to believe that execs are evil and don't care about making good movies. But anyone who has any connection to the business at all knows that just isn't true.
ReplyDeleteThey care."
That is a heaping pile of "dookee".
I listened to an interview over the weekend. The producer said that...
"writers made a mistake to strike."
Basically he said that where the studio once paid $600,000 for a script...they now only shell out around $300,000. Or whatever they're feeling that day.
"There's a reason why execs wrangle shit the way they do. I know we all want to believe that execs are evil and don't care about making good movies. But anyone who has any connection to the business at all knows that just isn't true.
ReplyDeleteThey Care."
... about the box office. Nothing else. I'm not saying it's bad to care about the money, but when ALL you care about is the money, therein lies the problem with movies today.
When audiences stop going to the theaters in hopes of a good movie and, instead, decide they WON'T go because the movie probably sucks like most other movies they have seen, do you know what the Executives are going to do to fix the problem?
They're going to consult marketing experts.
Not only that, but they're going to create movies that are remakes and adaptations of old television shows, movies, and novels.
Oh, wait, that's exactly what's going on now.
Note that executives aren't the only ones to blame. People with power like Myers, Spielberg, and Lucas are also responsible for simply NOT caring about their movies and, instead, caring about their products.
Morgan McKinnon -
ReplyDeleteClearly you don't know anyone in the business who's not a writer, actor, or director, etc. There's a lot of people out there in this business on the business end of it. A lot. And it's not bullshit -- many of them do care about making good movies. I'm a fan of blanket statements, but what you're suggesting is just inane.
You're acting like there aren't writers and actors and directors who are complete assholes. Smell the Folgers.
There's assholes everywhere. And just like in the movies, black and white heroes and villians don't play all that convincingly in real life either. It's just not true.
And if you think it is, find a new line of work/goal/passion/whatever. You're just going to be miserable.
Carlo-
I was making somewhat the same point. Though what I think you're missing is they only make that shit because people go to see it. If the masses weren't gobbling it up like viccadin, they wouldn't be producing it. Supply and demand.
People also seem to forget that Hollywood is now corporate. It's owned by the same three or four conglomerates like everything else. So these execs are answering to demands for profit, growth, due diligence -- a series of numbers established by systems of people so removed from creative decisions that it all is literally one big machine.
It's about numbers -- pure and simple. If people stopped gorging on the regurgitated crap and started directing their dollars to movies that didn't suck, you'd see this business turn on a dime.
“Clearly you don't know anyone in the business who's not a writer, actor, or director, etc. There's a lot of people out there in this business on the business end of it. A lot. And it's not bullshit -- many of them do care about making good movies. I'm a fan of blanket statements, but what you're suggesting is just inane.”
ReplyDeleteWell sweetie *clearly* it’s not about who I know…or who *you* know either for that matter.
Listen. These producers care about one thing. And one thing only.
(And I suggest you take a whiff of the java baby, cause it aint you.)
THEY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES!
“You're acting like there aren't writers and actors and directors who are complete assholes.”
My goodness Adam...how do you jump to your silly ass conclusions?
“There's assholes everywhere. And just like in the movies, black and white heroes and villians don't play all that convincingly in real life either. It's just not true.”
After reading your comments, there is no way I don’t realize that there are assholes everywhere.
“And if you think it is, find a new line of work/goal/passion/whatever. You're just going to be miserable.”
You need to calm down, because I promise you …you have no idea who you’re trying to communicate with.
But I look forward to meeting you.
Morgan
Hey keep it civil please.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just want to point out that by big studio standards The Love Guru did not fare well AT ALL this weekend. So sometimes the rank and file do see through the bullshit and spot a movie that sucks.
And as gas prices continue to rise...vision will become even more clear.
ReplyDeleteI just got scolded by a teacher. :)It's been a long time since that happened.
ReplyDeleteMorgan
ReplyDeleteI think we may be soul mates. Gotta love your attitude and wit.