Sunday, January 11, 2009

Neal McDonough is totally stalking me


Neal McDonough lives in my neighborhood.

A little over a year ago one morning I was discussing with Ex Boyfriend how awesome Neal McDonough is. I don't remember how he came up - I was probably explaining something about Band of Brothers. Anyway, I love the guy. He always carries a lot of poised and intelligence mixed with a tough guy exterior, which is my favorite kind of person in the whole world. Even when he's in things that suck, which is kind of a lot, he does not suck.

So anyway, a little over a year ago I had a conversation with Ex Boyfriend about the level of Neal McDonough's awesomeness. Then, not an hour later as we walked through the parking lot that is the Larchmont farmer's market, WHO THE FUCK DO WE SEE?

That's right. Neal Fucking McDonough. He was blocking traffic with a baby carriage so he could talk to a bunch of screenwriters who he kept saying very loudly were all screenwriters.

I stood there, supposedly admiring the hummus on the table before me, squealing a bit with joy. Neal McDonough's friend caught me and laughed. I eventually pushed by the baby carriage and went on my merry way, only to walk right past Kevin Weisman like thirty seconds later. I had not been talking about him that morning, but I do own Alias season 2 on DVD so that was cool.

Okay anyway, so just last night Beefcake and I watched the film Traitor, which also stars Neal McDonough. I went on my usual rant about how awesome he is, complete with story about how I saw him a year ago at the farmer's market pushing a baby carriage with a male friend, at which point of course Beefcake said he is gay. because Beefcake thinks everybody's gay. But he told me I should have said something at the farmer's market that day. It's not like he's an A list guy. He's a successful actor, but most people probably don't know him by name so maybe he'd like to be recognized.

So today I rode my bike to Pavillions and WHO THE FUCK DO I SEE WALKING DOWN THE FROZEN PIZZA AISLE?

OMG. Neal McDonough.

I picked up the phone to dial the Beefcake but my phone was dead. I was on my own.

I put stuff in my basket, plotting out what I'd say if I ended up behind him in line.

Then I got my chance. I grabbed my last item and stepped up to the checkout lines and there he was, right at the end of one with a shitload of groceries.

So I stepped up behind him with my basket and stood for a minute while he unloaded his goods.

I leaned forward.

"Do you hate it when people recognize you?" I said.

"Kind of," he replied.

"Oh," I said. "Then I don't recognize you at all. But if I did recognize you, I'd probably think you were awesome."

He smiled.

"Thank you. If you recognized me, I'd be flattered."

We stood for a minute, watching the lady in front of us fiddle with her coupons.

"So are you an actress?" he asked.

"Writer," I said.

"Have anything produced?"

"Not yet. Still trying to break in, I'm afraid. But I'm getting there."

"What are you working on?" he asked.

"Zombie script. But not a horror. A big budget action pic about a family of survivors in a zombie filled world."

"That sounds like something I'd like to read. Can I read it?"

"Of course! Hell, you'd be absolutely perfect for the lead."

He wrote something on the back of a business card and handed it to me.

"Here. Send it to my agent. His email's on the back."




Sigh.



Actually I just got in the line next to him, occasionally spotting his unkempt blond hair over the rack of gum between us. He had a shitload of groceries and I was not going to wait in line for that.

17 comments:

  1. I will likely never run into any of the entertainers that I have watched and enjoyed. I also think Neal is awesome. Don't project what you think will happen. Introduce yourself as a fan, congratulate him on his success and let the situation unfold on its own. Please post again once you have completed this mission, if you choose to accept it. This comment will self destruct in 5 ...

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  2. GOD DAMMIT.
    YOU TOTALLY HAD ME.
    I WAS PUMPING MY FIST IN THE AIR FOR YA-
    and you got in the next line?
    Shoulda used that charm you got- it's stood you well in the past.

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  3. Dammit you had me hooked, too! Here I was thinking, "Yay, she did the bold thing and it paid off! Woo hoo!"

    Well, it would seem you'll have other opportunities - and now you've got the encounter all scripted and ready to go!

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  4. "I was not going to wait in line for that." Yeah right!

    Years ago I introduced John Cleese at a screening. Afterwards he asked for my business card. I didn't have it on me.

    Two years later, the Ivy in Santa Monica during AFM. Cleese queuing at the buffet. I DID have my business card on me.

    Too bad I wanted to eat a la carte.

    K

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  5. Anonymous1:52 AM

    I'm afraid you had me too, girl. You are very very bad.
    I loved the "come-on" line though. When/if I run into a celebrity I would actually care about talking to, I WILL steal it. :)
    darthpaul

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  6. I was living vicariously through you right until I realized none of that banter had actually happened.

    *le sigh* Not like it can't happen in the future...

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  7. Damn you.

    I was seconds away from posting congratulations.

    Now I have nothing to say.

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  8. Whoa, the advantages of living in LA if you want to make films... Oh wait.

    Well, I guess the fantasy seems like something that could've happened from a non-LA resident looking in. Writing was pretty convincing at least!

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  9. Oh you suck!

    I read that and actually cheered for you...

    Then you brought me crashing down.

    10 items or less I guess.

    -jim

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  10. Heh.

    Sorry guys. I didn't mean to upset everybody.

    My fear was that I would say "Do you hate being recognized?" and he would say "Yes I do, so fuck off bitch."

    I was not prepared to risk this because I am a fraidy cat.

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  11. I admit it, you had me fooled. Maybe because I've played out a few of these scenarios in my own head. Hell, a few of them really did actually happen. I could tell you stories. Of course, when he's got a basket of groceries may not be the best time to go up to him but the opportunity may still actually happen. Just stay prepared. You never know.

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  12. Anonymous1:23 PM

    You had me at your witty banter. I heart ya. Soonsies. Soonsies, I say.
    Scribey

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  13. At least you can writer a witty celeb encounter. You had me hook, line and sinker.

    But more importantly, did he buy beer? And if so, what kind of beer does Neal McDonough drink?

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  14. I didn't look closely at his cart. I remember a lot of green. I think there were copious amounts of celery.

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  15. Y'know, next time I meet someone famous incognito, rather than just letting them be anonymous, I'm going to steal that line.

    Most 'famous' people aren't dicks, they just don't need people all fanboy or papparazi on them all the time. Give them space, and they'll respect that.

    Sidenote: You had better not let too much time pass before sending that zombie script though.

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  16. You are a little cruel. But a great story teller. ;)

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  17. Heh. Thanks. And sorry.

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