Monday, February 11, 2008

The most boring story you'll read today

I spent all day in a room with 13 other teachers, a Statistician and his sidekick.

Statistician told us that only 19% of our students are auditory learners so we really should work hard to incorporate visuals and tactile experiences for our visual and kinesthetic learners.

He did this by talking nonstop for seven hours. He went on about research and how the researchers over at UCLA who sit at their computers crunching numbers all day long know way more about classroom management than we do. Because "Collectively they are smarter than all the people in this room."

I told him to speak for himself.

I drew a picture of myself as a stick figure stabbing another stick figure I chose to call "Pedagogy".

I drew a picture of a dog and labeled it "el perro."

I wrote my thoughts in stream of consciousness form. My favorite series of notes: What the fuck are you talking about? Lou Diamond Phillips. Run, bitch!

I have no idea what that means.

I worked on outlining a short script I'm working on for a client. (Yes, I have a client. I'm official, bitches.)

I started fantasizing about what it would be like to have angry sex with Asshole Teacher who was sitting across from me. Asshole Teacher and I loathe each other. I began to picture a scene where we screamed at each other until he grabbed me and ripped off my clothes while I punched him in the face and called him names. It did not make me like him any better but it did give my brain something inappropriate to do.

It was a really boring day.

On the upside I found three face-up pennies in three different locations on campus, so I feel that good things must be coming my way.


  1. Perhaps if he'd included "visuals and tactile experiences" you'd have gotten more out of it.

    After all, the Collective is smarter than you. The Collective cannot be stopped. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

  2. This. Is the funniest thing I have read. All day.

    (emsed1 from tf)


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