Saturday, July 12, 2008

Liars, guns and money. Or maybe just guns.

I shot some guns. Here is what I learned:

Shotguns are heavy. I box with 14 ounce gloves but that shotgun was weighing me down. A woman my size would never be able to carry one around for too long. So from now on in stories I give shotguns to big dudes. The shotgun was also badass. I felt like shooting some zombies but there were none to be found.

Speaking of big guns, I actually felt safer holding them because I felt like there was less chance I would accidentally shoot something that required my entire body's attention.

The 45 was fun to shoot and I actually managed to hit what I aimed for. It was a WW2 gun and I wish I could say I was pretending to shoot Nazis but really I was thinking "I would like to make a hole there." I think guns make you a little bit more retarded.

The Magnum scared the pants off of me. I shot it only once and then fled, squealing in terror while OFFICER BEEFCAKE - for that is his name since he is in law enforcement and he is indeed beefcakey - blew lots of big old holes in the target with his ridiculously large hand cannon, a gun I referred to as "the laser gun" because it had a laser site on it. Officer Beefcake believes this makes me sound silly. I believe it makes me sound adorable. We'll see who's right.

Guns are loud. Not that I'm surprised to learn that guns are loud, but damn. Guns are loud. As soon as I walked into the range I jumped about ten feet out of my skin. An hour later I was just blinking hard when a gun went off. I never really got comfortable with how loud the Magnum was though. People in movies are all "ladeedaaa" about guns but Christ they are loud. And recoiley.

I also learned a few little combat tricks and that my thumb is weak and my hands are small and nobody needed my ID to shoot guns as long as I was with a big dude who brought his own artillery. And shells fly up in the air and hit you on the head if you stand right next to the guy firing the gun so you probably shouldn't do that.

Next time I'm totally gonna shoot the rifle, because fuck a zombie.


  1. Anonymous5:48 PM

    That is awesome.

    Were there any other big misconceptions about guns you discovered? Like did the guns get hot or smoke or flash like you see in films?

  2. I think my favorite bit here is your comment on the .45.

    I was watching an old Scrubs last night, the one where Carla feels unattractive. Even The Todd isn't making crude remarks at her. The she slips off her ring and he says something...Todd-like. As soon as she puts it on, he's a normal person again.

    I've now imagined you behaving the same way with that big ol' WWII gun.

    Calmly, rationally
    I think we should grab these guns and go plus those damn Nazis.

    Picks up the .45
    Huh-uh-huh! Big gun. Me wanna shoot big hole!

  3. Porter, that made me laugh.

    And Kevin, yeah. The Magnum definitely flashed. I don't think the others did so much but that one was all bright lights. And by the time I emptied the clip there was smoking from the gun. It smelled kinda smokey too.

    And my hand was way too small. I couldn't reach all the release buttons without using both hands.

    Beefcake says next time he'll bring the 22 so it's not so big.

  4. Shooting is so fun. I wish ammo were free because I would shoot all day long.

    If you stand in exactly the right place the hot brass from your brother's gun flies down the back of your neck, so you probably shouldn't stand there either.


  5. Anonymous11:57 PM

    That's thing about guns, people see the movies/TV and think, gee you hit what you're aiming at and down they go. But here's a truth: 1, it's a hellova lot easier to hit a target than it is to hit a human being (this is for a couple of reasons--targets usually paper, humans made out of flesh and bone and sometimes shoot back. 2, most guns (or correctly, weapons -- "this is my weapon, this is my gun" ask the cop, he'll know what that means) used by Law Enforcement are generally 9mm, which carry more ammo but tend to bounce around inside a human beinng and sound like glorified pop-pop-pop guns. Even a Magnum (say a .357 usually only has a .38 load (.357 and .45 rounds tend to go right through people--small entry hole, biiiiiiig exit hole) and even something as powerful as a .44 Magnum is a tough gun to control from an accuracy standpoint--even if it can go straight through an engine block, so it's not a practical street weapon. hence the less damaging 9mm (which can enter a body, but usually stays in it.

    And .22 can be pretty lethal for the same reason: the load can enter a person body and bounce around hitting vital organs in the process.

    Shotguns are fun, too. Just jacking a round into the chamber tends to scare the ship out of people, it's a very unique sound. But in a street riot scene if it's used you don't usually fire directly at somebody. It's better to fire at the ground about twenty feet from a rioting group--you tend to hit more people that way (the shot bounces upward, fans out, more people feel it).

    The range can be fun, earplugs and a headset our useful though.

  6. Interesting information. Thanks for sharing it.

    And yes, I had earplugs. Still loud.

  7. The .45 you used is a M1911A. It is also my preferred weapon. I prefer the low pressure so it doesn't buck much and because the round has enough enough to put someone down. Bad side, less rounds, good side, easier to hit your target. I prefer its single stack to the wider double-stack of the modern versions such as the glocks. Of interest is that these have less kick than many smaller more-modern rounds; then again, they weren't designed to be used against body armor. A standard ACP round is also subsonic and therefore able to be silenced.

  8. I didn't really have a comment, until I noticed that the captcha verification was "GUNTB"

    Gun, I get.

    Tuberculosis, not so much.

    Yes, I am easily amused.


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