Jury Duty

I have jury duty for an unknown amount of time. I'm first alternate on a case downtown. Obviously I can't talk about it until it's over, but it's an interesting learning experience I can share with the kids and use for future writing projects.

It is not Phil Spector's trial, but I did see the massive media circus assembled outside the courthouse this afternoon as I drove home. I'm glad I didn't land on that jury.

There is a picture of Edward James Olmos with his jury badge on the wall in the jury lounge. Now I have a conversation piece for the next time I run into him at a Battlestar Galactica event. He's the only celebrity in his picture who's not smiling.

A talent agent and a former sitcom writer were both rejected from the jury. Alas.

As you might expect, court is a lot more boring than Law and Order. The juror next to me started drawing pictures of flowers in her notebook, then later pulled out her cell and began texting people. If the bailiff saw that he'd have chopped off her pinky. That dude does not play around with the cell phone rule.

Of course, I'm one to talk. During the selection process we got numbers and I was number 50, so naturally I drew all over my number because I don't enjoy being so impersonal. The eventual conversation went something like this:

Prosecutor: Juror 50, did you draw that on your card?
Me (sheepishly): Yes, it was before we were told we had to give them back.
Prosecutor: What is that, a peace sign inside the zero?
Me: Yes.
Judge: What else did you draw there?
Me: Some pictures.
Judge: Of what?
Me: Flowers and hearts and a cent sign.
Judge: A what?
Me: So I could be Fifty Cent.
Prosecutor: Like the singer?
Me: Yes.
Everybody: Hahahaha.

That's me, bringing levity to the courtroom.

The trial won't be over until next week probably, so when that happens I'll give lots of details. In the meantime I'm enjoying my $15 a day and 34 cents a mile one way. Woohoo.

Comedy that's sort of okay but not awesome either

Against my better judgment I watched the pilot for Cavemen.

First of all, there's absolutely no reason they should be cavemen. Honestly they're just guys with lots of matted hair, but there's no other inherent difference so the gimmick lies a little flat.

It does feature Nick Kroll, a staple on Best Week Ever. So there's that.

Here's the thing: I shocked myself by actually laughing several times during the show. Cavemen is actually a little funny. Not Arrested Development funny and not Friends funny, but maybe King of Queens funny. Not funny enough to see you rolling on the floor unable to breathe, but funny enough to give you and occasional unexpected chuckle. But the handful of laughs just wasn't enough to get me through the fact that the story was pretty generic once you take away all the facial hair. Just like we all suspected.

Then, since I'd already spent some time on that, I didn't stop myself from watching Carpoolers. First of all, why didn't anybody ever tell me Jerry O'Connell was going to be on this show? I guess first someone would have had to tell me this show existed. I actually did laugh out loud at the parking rage and a few other lines. It would appear that the issues they discuss in the car serve as the fodder for the entire episode. I'm just not sure it's enough to support a whole sitcom.

The absurdity level is pretty high. Not Arrested Development absurd or Scrubs absurd, but more like King of Queens absurd. It is better than Cavemen, but it's still not going on my regular schedule.

So neither show sucked as much as I thought they would, but I admit my expectations were pretty low. They're just good enough to meet the Kevin James bar. Just what every show should aspire to.

Now for some excellent comedic absurdity, don't forget about Pushing Daisies. It's on Wednesday night on ABC and it's neither sucky nor mediocre, but instead is awesome.

How do I get an agent?

This post is for the Noobs who've been lurking and never comment, the ones who just wrote their first screenplay and don't know what to do with it.

All over Wordplayer like once a week somebody new comes in to ask "How do I get an agent?"

They've written one screenplay and don't want their effort to go to waste. Now it's time to make some money, and they've heard that the only way to get your script sold is to get an agent. So, how do you get an agent?

Beats me. I don't got one.

But I've been through the newbie process. First you finish your script. Then, even though everybody says you shouldn't because your script probably sucks, you try to get it out there. You're an exception. Your script is awesome. So you buy a copy of The Hollywood Representation Directory and you query every agent in it. And shock of shocks, nothing happens.

Stupid Hollywood. Nobody knows talent when they see it.

Your script may be awesome but it's probably not good enough to pass all the other, more awesome scripts hundreds of people just like you are trying to put out there.

So you submit to a contest. Some contests are legit - Austin, Nicholl, a handful of others - but most don't get you very far. They take your fees and give you some software and send you on your way.

So you move to LA. Eventually you have to. People break in without it, but it's like eight million times harder, so you really should move here. Join us. We're all in this together.

Then you meet people. It's easy to meet people. As long as you're not a social pariah you'll be attending screenings and bumping into influential people in no time. Personally, I almost never turn down an invitation, which is why I have friends all over this freaking city who are involved in the Industry in various ways. It also means people keep inviting me because they know I'll always say yes and bring the fun when I do. When I first got here I was a bit intimidated, but when I realized that even successful filmmakers are also human beings I stopped being a wallflower and started entertaining. Don't be a shrinking violet.

Let's see how many more flower cliches I can think of.

Anyway, that doesn't mean you get to meet them at a party and immediately pitch your script. That's not very classy and turns most people off. You have to make friends in the industry, then, when you've written three or four or more scripts and you totally understand what you're in for, start asking politely if your friends can help you.

But DO NOT under any circumstances send out a script that isn't ready. You shouldn't need to gild the lily to sell it. Have trusted friends who know something about scripts read it and give you advice. Join a writers' group and let them rip it apart. Because if you hand a mediocre script to your best contact you have just blown that opportunity. That's what I did. I had a very cool guy offer to pass my script to his management firm and I was in such a hurry to use his offer that I sent him a weak script. He was very nice about the rejection, but doesn't really want to waste any more time on my scripts. I wish I'd waited to give him something I was truly happy with.

You can also try getting a job in the Industry. PAs are all over LA; I know at least eight of them. Today they're assistants, tomorrow they're something more. It's shit pay and a slave's hours, but it's the first step to getting where you want to go.

Personally I can't handle the paycut. Instead of being a PA I made a solid short film. Now, when I go to parties, I have something tangible to offer when people ask me what I've done.

But this all takes years. Sometimes a decade. Sometimes more. Don't try writing a movie because you want to get rich quick. Ain't gonna happen.

And even when you think you have great scripts and plenty of contacts and a job in the Industry and you don't understand why you still can't get an agent to look your way, go back and read about Bill Martell's trials and tribulations with the great agent hunt. He's made movies and they still won't give him the time of day.

Don't wait for an agent to find you. Go out and make your career happen on your own. It's gonna be hard work.

Chuck watches Lost

I just wanted to be the first to point out that on tonight's episode of Chuck, during a run of secret information stored in his brain, Chuck mentioned that "Oceanic flight 815 was shot down by...." and then was cut off due to editing and background noise.

Haha. Good one, writers. Good one. I approve.

Unfortunately the rest of the episode didn't make any sense, although I would totally marry Captain Awesome.

It's One Page time again

I have jury duty this week. It started Friday but the jury didn't get picked yet so I won't know until this afternoon whether or not I'm on it. I'm number 50 out of 55 so I'll be doing a lot of sitting around today listening to people telling boring stories. But as a writer I am committed to memorizing anything interesting, and should I be chosen I will file it all away for future stories of crime and punishment.

In the meantime, it's time again for Red Right Hand's one page challenge.

Apparently people have been bitching about the structure of the challenge because they're afraid that showing one page of their genius material will endanger their project because we are all out to steal from one another in our conniving ways.

I say if you want to steal my shit, go ahead. I'm still going to do it better than you. You get one page. I've got the whole thing. Good luck, punk.

So because of the whiners, RRH has issued a declaration that we all write one page specifically for this.

I like what I'm working on so I'm going to break the new rule and post a page from my current script. That's still material in my own voice, which is in the spirit of the challenge.

Bare with me, I still can't figure out clever formatting stuff so I'll just post it as is.
Without further ado, here is a page from Zombie Script:

(We are in medias res)

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

As a zombie reaches out to grab Josh by the shoulder its head splinters and it falls, writhing on the ground.

Kate kneels on the stoop of the farmhouse, gun out. It was her shot that took the zombie down.

KATE
Watch your back!

Josh fires another shot, missing Gaunt Zombie but hitting one of his followers.

JOSH
I don't have eyes in the back of my head, Mom!

Kate grunts as she shoots another zombie down. Grandma tries to push around her to get out the door but Kate is taking up all the space.

GRANDMA
Move, Kate!

KATE
I'm kind of busy, mom.

A zombie gets very close to Josh while he's taking aim in another direction. Grandma grabs a huge kitchen knife and throws it, slicing right into the zombie's forehead where it sticks, dropping the zombie to the ground.

Gaunt Zombie continues to move forward. Josh can't back up enough to shoot it with the rifle.

JOSH
Shit.

Gaunt Zombie reaches out to grab Josh, but the boy turns the rifle around and slams the butt into Gaunt Zombie's skull.

It doesn't immediately kill him. Josh keeps pounding with his weapon as Gaunt Zombie tries to bare his teeth and reach in for the kill, flinching each time his head is hit with the gun. Other zombies continue to advance on both sides while Kate shoots them from her perch in the doorway.

Grandma leaps over her daughter and grabs a baseball bat that has been leaning against the outside of the doorway. In one motion she is over to her grandson, whacking at zombie heads with the bat and bringing them down. Side by side they swing their weapons as the blood flies.

As Grandma takes on one zombie with a wide swing of her bat, the zombie grabs her arm but she doesn't bat an eye. Before it can lock its teeth onto her flesh she pushes the thing off and takes a deadly crack at its skull.

Gaunt Zombie falls to the ground, twitching. The rest of the zombies are permanently dead in the grass.

Silence.

Three generations look around the front yard for more enemies. There are none.

Dirty Sexy Life Money

I'm off to the Abbot Kinney festival in Venice today. Love Abbot Kinney! Hippies and tough guys and preppies and people with strollers all joining together to listen to some unknown band and examine the prices of hand-blown glass thingers. Fun.

In the meantime, we must continue to wade through the pilots for the new season.

I begin to wonder if there are any new ideas left. It seems like everything is just a mutation of what has come before.

I watched Life yesterday. It's kind of hard to do a cop show anymore because there are so many of them, you run out of ways to make it new. This show kind of reminded me of the unfortunately canceled Touching Evil because of Damian Lewis' odd way of responding in a zenlike method to all the problems he comes across. Maybe a little Vincent D'Onofrio on L&O too, but with less leaning over. And even though it's got echoes of some stuff we've seen before, Lewis' damn adorableness is what prevents this from being like every other show. I want to watch just to see him being so freaking cute all the time. And I like his partner's own interesting side story, which definitely is different because on most cop shows your hot female partner has no backstory at all. She's just there to serve as a foil for the lead's quirky behavior. But this girl is interesting. Also I kind of dig the way they intercut pieces of a documentary on his experience. I hope they keep that for every episode. I'm tentatively adding it to my schedule.

I also watched Dirty Sexy Money which has a terrible title and would be way better off just being called Dirty Money. Somebody in some cubicle somewhere must have said "people like shows with sexy in the title!" and there it was.

It was pretty flawed in other ways too. Oh look, a show about a poor boy who has to risk losing his soul to take care of rich people's problems. I think we've seen this before.

The cast is fabulous, but I don't know what the hell this show is supposed to be. It was a premise pilot, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still have to create a problem and solve it by the end of the episode. At the end of the pilot nothing was really resolved. There was so much going on the whole time with each member of this wealthy family that lots of cans of worms were opened and not one of them closed. So it was nothing more than a string of events that just sort of sat there moving around until the time was up. Even on Lost the episodes have self-contained stories within the larger piece. This show did not. I won't be adding it to my schedule.

And what is with rich men and trannies? That's the second transexual storyline in two days. Is that the new thing now? Did all the showrunners watch Transamerica in the off season or something?

So I'm off to Abbot Kinney. Unfortunately my movie took all my money so I won't be buying any saris or hand-made bowls this year, but it will be fun to look around.

Eh.

I watched Big Shots last night. Eh.

It's being billed as "Desperate Housewives for men." I don't know any men that will appeal to. And I don't like Desperate Housewives, either so it doesn't really appeal to me. I don't see this show developing much of an audience.

I love Michael Vartan and I think he's playing beneath his capacity here. He was kind of miscast because he's supposed to be the one truly nice guy in this group of sinful men, but he just comes across as pathetic. The other guys just seemed like caricatures. And there was a tranny who Dylan McDermott supposedly thought was a woman, but not only was she not pretty like he kept claiming, but there is no way on earth any normal human being with a modicum of intelligence would not know that was a man. I won't be putting this one on my schedule.

Then I watched Cane. Eh.

Shows on CBS have this CBS imprint on them. It's like they have an over-polished look, a exposition-heavy, melodramatic essence that's kind of unmistakable. This show has that same feel. It's about a Cuban American family that runs a sugar cane farm and manufactures a successful line of rum. I know they're Cuban, because half the episode felt like a Discovery Channel special on Cuban culture. Kudos to CBS for some ethnic diversity in their programming, but it just felt so forced, and maybe that's because the exposition was too obvious.

The cast is a good one. Jimmy Smitts, Hector Elizondo, Nestor Carbonell, and the fabulous Polly Walker who played Attia, the most lovable bitch to grace the small screen on Rome.

But it's hard for all that talent to get around the soap opera nature of this thing.

The pilot was written by Cynthia Cidre, and that's certainly a Spanish last name, but I get the feeling CBS execs nixed some of the Spanglish out of fear that Americans wouldn't understand it. All of the Spanish is either full sentences in subtitles or simple things we all know like "por favor". That ain't Spanglish. Then again I suppose most people probably do have trouble following true Spanglish if they're not used to it.

If you were really into Dallas, this is kind of the same thing but with people who salsa dance. I don't dig the melodrama so I won't be adding this to my schedule.

I don't want to watch Life yet because I'm afraid it will also be mediocre and I just love Damian Lewis and want his show to be awesome. But I'll have to get to it eventually.

TV love

People on TV have it made. Whenever they have breakups it's all for the best and everybody exchanges understanding looks as they walk away to a Coldplay song on the ever-present soundtrack.

And they're all so pretty and perfect and manufacture drama.

I mean, good grief. Look at McDreamy. Not only is he beautiful and able to whip up that crinkly smile that makes any girl weak in the knees, but he also knows Meredith and completely gets her and will defend her honor at every turn.

In any normal world that's more than a girl could hope for. Not at Seattle Grace, noooooooo. At that place the perfect man who's completely in love with you is not enough to make you happy. You must look longingly into his eyes and turn your head and express your fears and hope he understands, which he does because he's perfect in every way.

That's why I'm on the border of not wanting to watch Gray's Anatomy anymore. These people bitch all the time about nothing. Hell, in the season premiere Meredith's sister even told George to stop bitching. Unfortunately the rest of the cast didn't get the memo. Then again, I don't think George has really stopped bitching either. That's what those people do on that show. If you took away bitching over minor problems and having sex with each other they might actually have to do more surgeries. Like, normal surgeries. Appendectomies or something.

Then again we don't watch TV to see what life is really like. That's why Tell Me You Love Me probably won't get past a season. We like it much better when we can imagine our own McDreamy who will wait around for you and have sex with you in the on-call room while you deal with your issues.

Stupid TV shows. Making my life look inferior.

Where have you been?

I was going to write about Bionic Woman, but Ken Levine pretty much summed it up.

I still haven't had a chance to watch the rest of the pilots because some things happened and then there was stuff going on and now I'm subbing for a friend of mine while she takes most of her classes on a stupid field trip that is annoying her very much. But the time I was going to spend watching all the pilots I am instead spending my day relaxing and watching important episodes.

Then I was going to write about the dream I had where I blew my mom's head off while telling her I loved her, but I don't feel like reliving that right now.

So I guess I'll just elicit some stories from the gallery. Yesterday I started looking up various festivals I'd like to submit the short to. Of course we'll be doing all the big ones because I dream big, but since my chances of getting into Sundance are less than stellar (although I do have some fantasies about premiering at Cannes on my birthday), what else is there? La Film Festival? Cinevegas? Anybody had any good experiences with any of the smaller festivals? I don't want to submit to any of those ghetto fundraising things that suck.

And yes, I know I'm months from my finished product, but I enjoy planning ahead.

My feelings on Reaper

Last night House was awesome as usual. Yep.

Then I watched Reaper.

In the past two days I've seen three new pilots about some man developing a new superpower. Journeyman was engaging and Chuck was adorable and Reaper.... eh.

The show has a cute premise poorly executed. With the other two shows I felt like these were real people in extraordinary circumstances. With Reaper I felt like I was watching actors on a sound stage, and not all the acting was good.

I'm beginning to think maybe Kevin Smith is a better writer than he is a director.

SPOILER ALERT
But some of this was very much a script problem. One of the things I always tell my students who are aspiring writers is to set up your character interactions for maximum conflict. Reaper did not follow this path.

Sam is the main character. Before Sam was born his parents sold his soul to the Devil. I know this because Sam's dad explained it in a very boring piece of exposition in a living room with nothing else going on. And that piece of exposition was followed directly by another piece of exposition where Sam learned about his new job as the Devil's pawn.

But it would have been a lot more interesting for Sam to be defending his parents from evil souls or something, trusting them to be the most amazing parents in the world and risking his life to save them when he finds out they sold his soul and that's why all this is happening to him. Instead he just sort of went, oh, really? That sucks.

Then he forgave his parents and the conflict was resolved.

Blech.

And why would the Devil send a 21-year-old Home Depot employee out to fight evil superpowery demons without a proper training montage? The Devil is an idiot, even if he is Laura Palmer's dad.

Brimstone was better. One of the things that worked about that show, which tragically only got a handful of episodes, was how you'd get to understand each of the lost souls and what their motivation was to commit their sins. That's not happening here. Then again, this is supposed to be a comedy. I laughed once.

Maybe Reaper will improve. I like the idea, but I will not be adding this show to my regular schedule.

I'm far more excited about the new season of Supernatural. Ooooh, Jensen Ackles is gonna kick some ass.

The season kickoff

Yay! I love Fall premiere season. There's so much hope for new stories and characters to get all caught up in and then there's the return of shows I was excited about last season.

I didn't watch Gossip Girl because I have no interest in something called Gossip Girl.

But I did watch Chuck last night. Good pilot all in all. The character dynamics were good, I adore Captain Awesome and the fact that his name is Captain Awesome. There was plenty of solid action and good comedy. My complaint is mainly that Chuck's best friend had a bit of Jar-Jar disorder - he's in way too many scenes and he's way too annoying to be in more than a couple. My other concern is that I'm having trouble with the overly sensitive CIA agent. She's too nice. Then again, so was Sydney Bristow so I guess I'll let it play out. Adam Baldwin as usual is super cool. I added Chuck to my regular schedule.

The Heroes premiere I was on the fence about. I wanted to see some cool new powers but we really just saw glimpses of the same stuff and a guy who turns stuff into gold which was not really all that exciting. I also don't like the cliched characters. The head cheerleader at Claire's new school is a major bitch - surprise surprise. Her dad's younger supervisor at the paper store is a power hungry douchebag - because we've never seen that before. But the awesome samurai Hiro is all about turned out to be a white devil from England so that was interesting and surprising. Way to go, David Anders. Work that British accent. We'll see where this goes.

Then I watched Journeyman. Kevin McKidd was my favorite thing about Rome, so I'm on board with this show. I'm drawn into the mystery already and I love the husband - wife dynamic. They clearly adore each other, but there are problems just like there are in any marriage and they're only accented by this crazy new Quantum Leapy experience and the return of a lost love. There's lots of backstory nicely inferred through dialogue. I added it to my schedule.

Tonight it's Reaper and Cane and the return of House. Yay!

I'm a filmmaker, everybody

This is me directing. And also slouching:

Thanks to all those people who wished me luck. It worked.

Saturday morning DP came in and said, "I don't usually look at the footage from the day before because I don't want to see all the things we did wrong, but I decided to look at it last night..."

-and this is when I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable list of reshoots we were going to have to blow through before we could move on-

"....and it was really good. It was really funny. We have a lot to work with."

That's kind of what this weekend was like.

The first day I really had no idea what I was doing but my crew - consummate professionals all - was very patient and helpful and quietly guided me through the shoot so that by the end of Sunday's shoot I was pretty confident about the choices I was making. So I owe Kellee a HUGE thank you for being an amazing script supervisor and AD. I would have been lost without her. DP was filled with ideas and brilliant shots, Gaffer was everywhere, perfecting everything quickly and making beautiful light with no power and dealing with a giant set of glass doors on the balcony.

I was so lucky. Our biggest problems were a broken china ball, a bottle full of red ibuprofen that was supposed to double as cocaine and a fire alarm going off in the condos across the street followed shortly by the sound of fire trucks. All problems were easily solved or went away while we shot a few inserts.

I also owe a big thank you to my fabulous PA, who took these pictures, kept an eye on continuity, manned the air conditioning unit, ground up ibuprofen and somehow managed to still take care of lunch. Also my amazing Boyfriend who turned out to be the perfect sound guy. When it began pouring with crazy rain - while my roofless Jeep sat parked on the street all day and is now filled with puddles of water which are hopefully evaporated by now - Boyfriend went on the roof and bared the storm to lay a blanket over the vent that was making all the clinky noises. Problem solved once again.

Things went so right we actually finished four hours early on Sunday. That I owe to my incredible set of actors who knew their characters inside and out, knew their lines perfectly and took my direction just right with minimal complaint.

I still can't believe we had no major disasters. Not only did we have no major disasters, but we had a lot of fun.

Here are some pics from the set.

Guns and roses:


A little girl on girl:
Some of the talent and the crew in serious preparation:So, in short, my first directing experience was wonderful. That's what happens when you surround yourself with excellent people.

Progress report

Lots of little crises are taking place, including the fact that my bank will now not let me have any of my money for some reason and I can't get anybody on the phone until Monday. Fortunately I have just enough cash to pay for lunch today.

But overall, things are going well. We're on schedule and we got some terrific shots. My cast and crew is wonderful.

Tomorrow I'll post pictures and a full recount of events as they unfolded.

No time for cat pictures. I have to put out snack food before people get here.

The time has come

I have to unplug my computer now so I can move my desk out of the film set to make more room so I won't have internet for the next two days.

I probably won't have time to post anyway as I will be immersed in shooting a film.

I felt like an idiot in the Indie Rentals store because I had no idea what I wanted and I didn't order it ahead of time and I had to go back and get cables after I left with a mixer. But man those people were super nice just the same.

Our A.C. who is apparently the best in the business and was willing to give up a paying job to work on this short has decided he's not so willing to give up a paying job to come work on this short. He announced this today. DP has spent the last few hours making frantic phone calls. I don't know if he's found a replacement yet. I really hope so. A guy at Indie Rentals offered to help me find somebody until I told him it was free labor. No dice.

So yeah, any excellent A.C.s out there wanna come and work your whole weekend for an untried director for the bargain price of Boston Market and Subway lunches? Didn't think so.

But it'll be cool. I feel it. I'm relaxed and ready. Let's do this.

I'll see you on the flipside.

The rehearsal

One more day until my first film shoot.

Last night my actors came over and we ran through the script a few times.

One of the actors is Writing Partner, who knows this script inside and out, has rehearsed and rerehearsed his lines, has thought about this thing until he has a complete analysis of every syllable.

One of the actors is Lead Actor, who's been into this from when the script was a silly little plotless story about people playing Taboo. He doesn't have all his lines memorized yet but he knows his character so well it's amazing. He showed me the three pages of notes he wrote on backstory and filled me in on the story he wrote about his character's relationship with his mother.

Actor number three is Lead Actor's Girlfriend, a girl with talent coming out of her nasal cavity. She had a better understanding of her character's motivation than I do. She loves the script and loves her character and probably enjoys acting more than anyone I've ever met.

Our final cast member is New Girl on the project, a young, fairly green actress I originally read for the other part. She wasn't right for that one, but I really liked her and felt like she had something in her she didn't know how to reach yet but could really develop if she had the right opportunity. She's got charisma.

And these four people came over last night to run through the script.

And it was beautiful.

New Girl started off a little unsure, probably not as nervous as I was but pretty close. But as the night progressed she loosened up and took direction very well until she was ad libbing perfect little moments with Writing Partner that I told her to leave in for the shoot.

Lead Actor had some brilliant ideas about how to improve the blocking to quicken the pace and increase the tension. And even when the rest of us were cracking up he never broke character, especially when they all changed every "fuck" in the script to "dry hump". I was in hysterics, largely because Lead Actor played every moment deadly serious.

In fact, I was so engrossed in the performances that I did a piss poor job of feeding the actors lines when they forgot. It probably also didn't help my persona of control and mystery when I didn't know what the hell New Girl meant by "Can we do this off book?" Fortunately Lead Actor saw my puzzled face and explained what she was talking about.

But I learned what kind of director I am. Collaborative. It felt like a big group of friends just getting together to play around and have fun and looking to me to make final decisions. I felt completely comfortable. Okay, that's not completely true. I didn't want to stop the action to correct things. Instead I tended to wait until the action stopped on its own and then told the actor how I'd prefer for them to perform a line from a couple of pages ago. After everybody else left, Writing Partner said that his only note to me was to speak up sooner, but other than that I did a good job.

I don't know much about cameras and lighting and technical stuff, but I feel good about the actors and my place in charge of their direction. And oh, boy was it fun.

Now I have to see how I adjust to being in the same situation when the camera is up and running and crew members are watching.

Ready for action

I have to move a little bit of furniture around and put up some fabric on the ceiling, but all in all the place is camera ready.

Tonight is our rehearsal, so here' the big test of how my actors work together and how well I can encourage their performance.

But for the next few hours, at least, I can enjoy my redecorated apartment.

I can't find my freaking before picture.

But here's what the set looks like in the calm before the storm:

My unintentional tour of the city

I knew when I hit every single stop light on Wilshire that it was going to be one of those days.

I started at 10:30 for Inglewood and ended up in Beverly Hills by accident - you know, the way you do - stuck in traffic with no reasonable way to get back going in the right direction. That kind of day.

I had two purchases to make today: a rug and light blue, sheer fabric to drape from the ceiling. Then I was going to come home and clean the apartment and finish decorating the set.

I thought at first I'd try Michael's and Wal-Mart. Did you know that Michael's doesn't sell fabric? Did you know that Wal-Mart continues to suck ass?

Almost every decision I made today was a bad one. Even my smoothie from the Orange Julius was not very tasty.

I went to Ikea in Burbank. But before I could go to Burbank I had to go halfway to Long Beach. Apparently the freeway system of Los Angeles County doesn't want you going north on the 5, only south. One would think you could just turn around and get back on the freeway going in the other direction, but one would find ones self cruising on the 101 trying to figure out how to get to the 5 north sign two medians over and screaming if one used that logic.

I finally managed to sneak past the secret invisible blockade and find my way to the 5 north where traffic moved like a turtle race for no discernible reason while the other side of the freeway was empty. I had to pee very much the whole time.

I found Ikea. I used their bathroom. I bought a rug. Yay.

Their fabric selection was crap so I called Maggie (thanks, Maggie!) who directed me to the Jo Anne store in Glendale.

And that's how I ended up in Pasadena.

But first I had to go through the turtle race going south while the north side was empty.

Fortunately there is also a Jo Anne in Pasadena, so Maggie and her coworker directed me successfully to that one, where I got all the fabric I needed. Yay.

I had pictured fabric store ladies as nice old grandmotherly types who knew just what you were looking for and were only too happy to help, not middle aged hormonal types who are very annoyed with your complete lack of knowledge about fabrics and measurements and anything resembling craftiness.

But I got my fabric and raced home to get to the gym so I could punch things.

By this time it was 5 pm. That's right. It took me six and a half hours to find 7 yards of fabric and a rug. In Los Angeles.

So no before and after pictures today because there is no after yet. I'm a day behind on my cleaning and moving of furniture. I guess I know what I'll be doing tomorrow.

Next time I'm hiring a decorator.

Necessity is the mother of my short film

DP is very unhappy with my apartment. Too small, not enough power, no storage.

But I remember what a producer on the Bratz movie told me: "Sometimes it's better when you have no money."

Because of the constraints of my apartment we'll be using practical lighting only, giving the whole film a natural feel, a nighttime feel, seedy and a little off. Because it's so small we'll shoot few masters and a lot of close ups, giving the characters a bit of a claustrophobic feel.

Robert Rodriguez shot El Mariachi with a beat up camera, making his whole film have a gritty, unusual look. Stanley Kubrick shot Eyes Wide Shut entirely in practical lighting and the whole film feels dark and a little off as a result, the perfect feel for a film about underground sex orgies or whatever the hell that movie was about.

Of course, that's easy for me to say. I don't have to figure out how to solve the problem.

Still, I think it's all going to work out. I have my cast in place and they're all talking to each other. We'll be rehearsing Thursday. Friday I meet with the DP and we lay out our final plans. Saturday morning we'll do a blocking rehearsal, then leave so the crew can set up while we run another rehearsal, then come back and start shooting. And we'll be shooting fast. We're going to shoot chronologically as much as we can, leaving only three scenes to be shot out of sequence.

Today, however, I get to go shopping. It's art direction day so I get to buy things for my apartment that will help the whole film look good and yet I will want to keep around. It's like a guilt-free redecorating event. I'll have before and after pictures tomorrow.

Do I know what I'm doing?

Until today I've been a producer. In fact, last night I spent so much time on the phone I didn't get food until 9 pm, and unheard of occurrence in my house. I set my dinner out, then the phone rang. I talked to that person for an hour then got my dinner back out, took one bite and the phone rang again. That call prompted me to make another call, and so on until I was very grateful that I'd planned a cold meal last night instead of a hot one.

In short, I've spent a large portion of my time these last few weeks on the phone or swapping emails, making things happen.

Yeaterday I went to Target, list in hand of all the things I need for art direction in my apartment, credit card at the ready for a fun little shopping spree. I went home empty handed. What happened to Target? Today I'm off to Ikea to see if I can do better. Tomorrow, I begin set decoration.

But all these things - the casting, shopping, calling, emailing, script finalizing - all seem very producery.

Then last night I had a dream.

I told Writing Partner that we needed low angle shots to make the character of Billy look intimidating and high angle shots to make the character of Eric look weak until the moment when Eric stands up for himself, and at that moment we need to reverse the low and high angles. We also need straight on shots to make the gun look scary before that moment, and angles shots to make it look like a flaccid penis afterward.

Just go with me on that. It's a metaphor.

Then I woke up and repeated my dream advice to DP.

I'm smart when I'm sleeping.

And now I finally feel like a director.

Dirty jobs

Boyfriend is a Production Assistant. Just like everyone else out here he has his eyes on something greater, but for the time being he is an errand runner on set for whatever television show happens to need his services, a very important job that almost never gets mentioned in the credits.

Until recently he worked on a bad reality show that will thankfully not get a second season, although this did not stop me from demanding a hat that I now wear all over the place as if I were somehow affiliated with the show.

On this show he usually worked 12 hour days with no overtime pay and no health benefits and for a paltry sum of money. Then the job ended and he was unemployed so we've been on vacation together until some production manager somewhere remembers him when they need a PA and gives him a call.

Then last week he was offered a one day job on a new show for the fall season. It's a drama on a network, a show I'm excited about, a show that will most likely get a full season order and possibly more seasons after that. I hope so, anyway.

Boyfriend didn't want to give up his vacation, but this was a one day job. More importantly, for a drama on a network. A real show with a plot and everything.

Real shows with plots and everything pay a decent wage. They also pay overtime and a few benefits to the long term folks. And the craft services is excellent. So of course Boyfriend took the job.

Then he was on set for 16 hours. His call time was 6 am. He called me at 9:44 pm, exhausted, saying they'd asked him to come back the next day.

In addition to the crazy hours, he was in a park all day on a second unit shoot. There was no shade and he spent most of his day running up and down a hill, so now his neck is redder than the blood of the innocent. Just as well. He does like to hunt and fish.

The next day he went in at 7 am. Around 9pm he called to say he'd be there until at least 1:30 am so don't wait up.

Today he's on location somewhere. We're supposed to meet tonight to go to a show but now he's worried he won't make it because he'll still be onset working on the 3/4 of a page they're supposed to shoot today.

I'm starting to forget what he looks like. Fortunately he has tattoos so I'll be able to identify him by those when next I see him.

Right now he's working day to day, but I have a feeling they'll offer him a long term job soon. I may have to get a walk on to the lot just so I can see him again.

This has served as a reminder to me that 1 - PAs are awesome and deserve some credit and major amounts of appreciation and 2 - that the script needs to be tight and the actors need to be prepared and the crew needs to be efficient so that people have time outside work to have a life.

If you see Boyfriend, please tell him I said hi.