I never start a conversation at the beginning.
Even in real life I tend to skip the hellos because they're kind of understood. I'll walk up to the plant manager at work and say, "I need a 59 key."
And he'll say, "Good morning, Emily. How are you today?"
And I'll say, "Oh I'm sorry. Hey, I'm good how are you?"
"Good."
"Okay, I need a 59 key."
Because really does either one care how the other is? We're wasting time here. I need a key, dammit. Then I remember I'm being rude and have to back it up.
Anyway, all that stuff is extraneous in a script. Nobody wants to see the hellos and goodbyes and how are yous because nobody cares, including the people saying it. We only say it because we're being polite, most of the time.
So how do you incorporate that into your script? How do you make sure to bring your reader into a scene in the middle of a conversation without making them lost, and without making them feel too entrenched in boring exposition?
I'm certainly not a pro yet, but I do think this is something I do well. At the very least, it's something I do often.
I'll give you an example. In this script I have a woman and her husband, Kate and Chris, who are having marital problems. Kate talks over the radio to another man, Bennet, at night. One night Chris hides in the dark and listens in on their conversation. I open the scene with him showing up right before this scene, so we only hear what he does.
EXT. BOAT - NIGHT
Kate is on the radio, cleaning a gun while she talks.
Bennet's voice comes through the radio.
BENNET (VO)Seriously? John Tesh?
KATE
Seriously. I think he was trying to get me in the mood or something.
Bennet's voice comes through the radio.
BENNET
And this is after you told him to put his clothes on.
KATE
Yep. It turns out an old boyfriend of mine had decided to get revenge on me by telling this guy I was a hooker.
BENNET
Classy. You must have really broken his heart.
KATE
I don't think he was heartbroken, just disappointed.
BENNET
No, I mean your ex. I'll bet you broke a lot of hearts back then.
Me? No. I tended to get hit on by a lot of guys who thought it would be really cool to date a girl who could do wheelies on a motorcycle. In reality that gets old pretty quickly.
BENNET
I like a girl who can do wheelies on a motorcycle. I'd have hit on you....
And that leads into more flirting. The story she's telling is actually the tail end of something that happened to me one time, but all I left in is the end. It's not necessarily relevant to the plot of my script but I needed to show these two people growing closer together at the same time she and her husband are drifting apart. You can't have two people just talk about problems all the time; if they really like each other they have to be friends, not just confidants.
Besides, it's better to show these people flirting than to hear her talk about her problems. This guy makes her happy. Her husband makes her angry.
So she tells him a story that sets up her superior position in relationships with men, and then moves into a discussion about her disappointment with her husband. And while she's at it she's cleaning a gun.
Her husband overhears this, which of course ads to the stakes on his end, and because of that I think if this scene were taken out the script would be weaker for it.
I should also mention that this came from Not Dead Yet. Because zombie hunters have marital problems too.
Great post ... very insightful, and very useful.
ReplyDeleteAnd excellent example. It is easy to "show" a marriage in trouble without either of them ever saying a word to anyone, and it is easy to "show" one, or both, of the partners growing more attached to an person outside their relationship.
But that snippet of dialog told us reams about the people involved. I instantly identify the woman as strong and determined. I know the man is a little less sure of himself and his position in the relationship. And I have a very strong sense, without it ever having to be said, that she and this guy "on the radio" are developing a bond that is quickly replacing the bond she once had with her husband.
I could go on, but I won't ... you described it very well. And it's a great lesson to remember in our writing.
Thanks.
Seems like the perfect application of the old writers rule, come in late get out early.
ReplyDeleteIf someone has a scene that begins with a character walking up to another, then you almost have to have the standard hellos and greetings. The real key is to not have them walking up, unless of course it's integral to the story.