So a few months ago my car got broken into in the garage. The tapes show a presumably homeless guy walking in when the gate opened to let somebody out, going into my car and ransacking it. He didn't take anything except the clicker, which he later threw into the bushes. But he did throw everything in my car around. My guess is he was looking for drugs because he took none of the loose change I keep in the car for parking meters or any of my CDs.
I drive a Jeep, by the way, so there's no way to prevent theft. You just have to be careful about what you leave where in the car. But I never really worried at this apartment because it's in a gated garage monitored by video surveillance.
Anyway, today when I got home from work as I was leaving the garage and going into the building a beat down dude leaned against the gate and looked in. I went into the building and remembered that homeless guy and wondered if this was the same guy. I watched as he left the garage and plopped down on the wall in front of the building, waiting for another car to come and open the gate so he could come in and ransack my fucking car again.
I thought for a minute. Should I say something? What if this isn't the guy? What if this dude is nuts? And why deny him the opportunity to just sit on a wall? He's probably got a shitty life anyway so I should let him sit on the wall.
Then I remembered how he ransacked my fucking car and pulled off all the damn tape that was holding the glove compartment together.
So I went back into the garage and locked up everything I could lock and took anything of value out of the car. I considered putting a note on the glove compartment that said, "There is nothing in the glove box. Please do not rip all the tape off because it is a massive pain in the ass to put back on."
But I didn't because I had no paper.
As I walked back past the gate, the homeless guy was back in front of it, looking in. And he saw me. And I glared at him.
As soon as he realized I was staring right back at him he backed up and looked up at an apartment on the second floor.
"Heeeeeeeeeeey!" he called to an imaginary tenant. "Yo!"
Then he backed away from the building and ran across the street.
And that is what screenplays are made of.
Tricky he is, Mr. Homeless man . Tricky he is...
ReplyDeleteYou better watch out for this bum. Today he tried to fool you by acting unsuspicious, but tomorrow he'll be back with his bum buddies and...
I'll end it at bum buddies. It made me giggle. The rest may not have.
**And that is what screenplays are made of.**
ReplyDeleteIt is also what MURDERS are made of. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be negative...but times are changing swiftly.
Tell that f***** to go and sit on the wall at the homeless shelter.
Look, I'm as liberal as they come. I believe in giving people a handout, handup, applause...ALL that shit...
But, enough said, tell that f***** to get to stepping.
Your cyber-dog
Nah anonymous - THAT is how murders are made of. Start pissing a bum off and who knows what could happen. Emily played this one smart - she made the bum go away on his own terms, which is safer than telling him to fuck off. If you did that, he'd probably come back and find your room/car just to spite you.
ReplyDeleteEmily should call the cops next time he's there, but just don't let him know it's you.
One one hand,t his is simply a bum. On the other hand, he's actively ransacking the residence.
*What* murders are made out of, not how.
ReplyDelete**Start pissing a bum off and who knows what could happen.**
ReplyDeleteCarlo, something from somewhere told you that I needed some belly-aching laughter to flow out of me today...thank you.
I read that sentence, and I could hear the famous voice-over guy:
(VO)
"Start pissing a bum off and who knows what could happen."
And then you have people walking up looking into the camera terrified with their tales of what happened to them or someone that they know/knew who...(you know what.)
That is what a bamboo killer is made of. Represent.
ReplyDeleteApparently all that's really needed is the Evil Emily Eye. Must be all those years perfecting it as a teacher.
ReplyDeleteThough, it might be fun to practice those kick boxing skills...
Amy
So I thought, well maybe the post was misunderstood by all but me. I thought again…let’s break it down.
ReplyDelete**So a few months ago my car got broken into in the garage. The tapes show a presumably homeless guy walking in when the gate opened to let somebody out, going into my car and ransacking it. He didn't take anything except the clicker, which he later threw into the bushes. But he did throw everything in my car around. My guess is he was looking for drugs because he took none of the loose change I keep in the car for parking meters or any of my CDs.**
Well at least the apartment owners are on the job, and their cameras are working. I mean, that’s what we’re paying for here right…just to be able to SEE that f****** are violating our property. That s*** is always good to know.
**I drive a Jeep, by the way, so there's no way to prevent theft. You just have to be careful about what you leave where in the car. But I never really worried at this apartment because it's in a gated garage monitored by video surveillance.**
I don’t understand this at all. I guess I take too much crap on my job, and get paid too crappy of a salary to let some f*** decide he’s gonna just take my property…well that’s when that f***** would learn that he has f***** with the wrong motherF***** on the wrong f****** day.
**Anyway, today when I got home from work as I was leaving the garage and going into the building a beat down dude leaned against the gate and looked in. I went into the building and remembered that homeless guy and wondered if this was the same guy. I watched as he left the garage and plopped down on the wall in front of the building, waiting for another car to come and open the gate so he could come in and ransack my fucking car again.**
Contrary to popular belief. These (ok. I’ll lay the F*** off) “homeless men and women"…are not very smart. What person who uses their brain on a daily basis would opt for this homeless lifestyle? As I said earlier, I’m liberal, but I also KNOW (I swear I do) what it takes to get off of your a** and get a job. If you will truly WORK FOR FOOD…then stop squatting down there and get to work. Change your sign to WORKING FOR FOOD, and start picking up the litter on the side of the highway. (and where in the hell do they get those awesome black markers. You can see the writing for miles).
**I thought for a minute. Should I say something? What if this isn't the guy? What if this dude is nuts? And why deny him the opportunity to just sit on a wall? He's probably got a shitty life anyway so I should let him sit on the wall.**
Bullshit (sorry).
**Then I remembered how he ransacked my fucking car and pulled off all the damn tape that was holding the glove compartment together.
So I went back into the garage and locked up everything I could lock and took anything of value out of the car. I considered putting a note on the glove compartment that said, "There is nothing in the glove box. Please do not rip all the tape off because it is a massive pain in the ass to put back on."
But I didn't because I had no paper.
As I walked back past the gate, the homeless guy was back in front of it, looking in. And he saw me. And I glared at him.
As soon as he realized I was staring right back at him he backed up and looked up at an apartment on the second floor.
"Heeeeeeeeeeey!" he called to an imaginary tenant. "Yo!"
Then he backed away from the building and ran across the street.
And that is what screenplays are made of.**
Look, I’m not a street fighter. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been in a physical fight. And if I was single and living alone, perhaps I would take the Emily route, and just hope the f***** :( goes away. But since I am a single-mom, there are those claws, those ferocious claw that grow out of me, and I can’t control that. Because if a motherf***** even LOOKS like he's going to come near my family…then it’s on baby. But that’s just me.
I wrote these comments, and before I posted them I took a moment and made a pot of coffee and toasted me a bagel. As I sit munching on my bagel and sipping my mug of coffee, I ponder. Surely this post is just a story. A synopsis for a script. Correct? Emily?
No, this is what really happened. The man was outside a locked gate and a locked building. I had no idea if he was crazy or violent or anything so I had no desire to leave the safety of my apartment building to engage him.
ReplyDeleteI went to my manager and told her what happened so that it could be resolved without me trying to fight some dude who may or may not want to eat my face.
ya gotta look at it from his pov: not a lot of hope of a score, but it's a low-risk crime, no security guy.
ReplyDeleteIf you were a guy (like me) I'd say you need to get a digital camera and keep that with you. You see him, you pull it out and hold it up. He needs to know that you're awake.
As a woman: PLEASE be careful! Calling the cops is a good idea. A lockbox behind the passenger seat is even better.