Thoughts on the film: Indiana Jones

No Real Spoilers.

Okay I know I said I didn't want to read reviews before I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but it turns out that wouldn't really have mattered. For some unfathomable reason, the critics are dry humping this movie all over the place.

I went to a 10:30 showing at The Grove last night which was sold out. I chose my seat carefully and stayed in it for half an hour while every other seat in the house filled up. The seat next to me stayed empty because I'm apparently the only person in Los Angeles who has no problem going to movies alone.

So after the lights have already gone down and the previews have started this old foreign couple comes up and the wife just plops down in the seat next to me, leaving her husband stumped and standing in the aisle. She looks at me and says, "Are you alone?"

"Yes."

"Would you please move to that seat over there?"

The seat "over there" was a terrible seat. I did not just spend half an hour guarding my seat to give it up to these people who didn't have the foresight to come early to a soldout screening. Besides, there were still some spots up in the front two rows.

"No," I said. And she was completely taken back. She ordered her husband to sit "over there" instead and like an abused domesticated animal he silently complied.

I started watching the movie thinking, "Okay. Not the opening I would have hoped for but it's still fun"

Then I was like, "Okay it's not great but it's still fun. It's entertaining."

Then I was like "Okay that would never happen. In fact that's a little ridiculous."

Then I was like "Okay this is absurd. People don't behave this way. Physics don't behave this way. This movie is terrible."

A couple of moments of suspension of disbelief I can handle, but when people continually behave in a way contrary to logical human behavior, it gets harder and harder to lose yourself in the story and shut off that piece of your brain that finds it all stupid.

Also, Han - I mean Indy - actually says "I've got a bad feeling about this." Really? REALLY?

Mystery Man does an excellent rundown of all the reasons this movie doesn't work, but my biggest problem is simply that I don't buy it. I'm willing to forgive a lot of little issues, but when a teenage boy who dropped out of high school turns out to be some kind of super human sword fighting, archaeological experting, strategizing, snake catching, kickboxing, mortocycle repairing, vine swinging, monkey rangling, tear dropping greaser who can balance between two Jeeps while fencing and getting hit in the nuts repeatedly, I start to groan.

And that's what this movie is. A groaner. I simply do not understand why the hell the critics tricked people into thinking it was great.