Monday, July 30, 2007

Gimme your money, bitches.


I keep dreaming of heists. Every night I break into a bank or some fancy place filled with money and run with my rotating partner in crime.

Last night I wore nothing but silk underwear and an open trench coat and spikey heels and carried an automatic that I used to threaten some brunette bitch when she tried to stop me from making my escape.

Maybe I was accidentally channeling that chick from The Transporter 2. My dream was a lot cooler than that movie.

The other night my partner in crime was a friend's ancient dog. She was a fantastic decoy. She barked at everybody while I ran for it with big bags of money.

There's a lot of yelling, running and fighting in these dreams. A far cry from that time I went to a party and danced with Willem Dafoe right before I hit Kevin Bacon with my car.

Or that time Ross Gellar called me boring while we were playing chess on that lake of ice.

I wonder what this heist thing is all about. Are the midichlorians trying to tell me to write a heist story? 'Cuz I tried that several months ago with miserable results. It turns out, I don't actually know anything about arranging a heist.

Or maybe I'm not just supposed to write about a heist. Maybe I'm supposed to go commit a heist in my silk panties and trench coat. I just don't know if I can run fast enough in those heels.

6 comments:

  1. Excellent obscure Friend reference. "That game should not be played without my supervision."

    You couldn't possibly hurt yourself by adding another project. What are you up to now—23?

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  2. Want to learn about a heist? Google it! The web can be a wacky resource for all kinds of information. There's been two instances recently of burglars stopping in mid-crime to go online and look up "how to crack a safe"...

    Hey, if that doesn't work, it could always be a movie about a woman who tries planning a heist but doesn't know the first thing about how... Could be pretty funny.

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  3. That Ross Gellar has gone too far this time!

    I'm telling you - these paleontologists are out of control.

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  4. www.fark.com

    Glance the headlines at least once a day and you will find articles relating to botch heists.

    Great fodder for story ideas.
    At least on how NOT to rob a bank.

    -Jim

    ReplyDelete
  5. All this reminded me of "The Real McKoy". Dunno, maybe you are as hot as Kim Basinger!

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  6. “Maybe I'm supposed to go commit a heist in my silk panties and trench coat. I just don't know if I can run fast enough in those heels.”

    I think I need to go and have a lie down now...

    ReplyDelete

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