Dating made easy

I had my date. It was okay. I'm on the fence about it, but I was expecting it to be horrible so at least it beat my really low expectations.

I'm feeling jaded today so this is like the world's grumpiest post.

Anyway...

We walked around my neighborhood which is nice since I really like my neighborhood and walking around in it. I don't like caramel in my hot chocolate anymore though. When did that happen?

It's weird. Date kept trying to get me to talk about myself, which used to be no problem at all, but I just didn't want to. I feel so ambivalent about everything these days that it seems like so much effort to tell my life story all over again. I mean, seriously, how many times am I going to have to tell a new boyfriend about my daddy issues or that I think Sin City was a terrible film and Jimmy Buffet is the worst thing to happen to music since the plastic recorder? Maybe I should just type up Emily cliff notes and hand them out to my dates so I don't actually have to keep having the same conversations.

Can you see it? Every time someone asks what I teach I hand them a sheet with an explanation of what I teach, where I teach and how I feel about it, together with a note about how I will cease speaking to you immediately if you make a racist joke about my students. Imagine how much easier dating would be if we never actually had to talk to each other.

Fuck it. I'm going to hire a matchmaker like in ancient China. Give her a list of criteria, say, "Must be Jensen Ackles" and then let her go out and make it happen. Then I don't even think about it until I show up to the wedding and meet whichever Jensen Ackles she found. Then I'll give him my cliff notes and we'll sign the papers and eat the cake and everybody wins.