Neurosis

Well heavens to Betsy. Yesterday my stats took a leap up the charts, higher than when I posted about seeing Michael Rosenbaum at a party but not quite as high as that time all those Russians thought I was that hot blond actress in the mini tube dress at the WGA strike rallies.

I now feel very pressured to perform, but not in a mini tube dress.

So the other day I talked about how I got this great new idea I was so excited about, and ever since I've been world building and thinking and loving it and feeling the joy of seeing all the different directions you could take your story.

But then when I think about telling someone my brilliant idea the insecurity sets in. I'm going to get this out of the way now so later on I can just write without interruption from my brain.

What if someone else has done it and it was a shitty B movie and nobody saw it except all the people who will immediately think of it as soon as I say my idea?

What if someone with a big fancy name just finished a draft of the same idea and any minute now the trades will be abuzz with this genius new screenplay by Alex Garland or Alex Litvak or some other writer dude who may or may not be named Alex?

What if my idea is Most Often Pitched? What if everybody in town has seen this come across their desk at one point and deemed it unmakeable?

What if it's just a dumb idea? What if I can't think up good ideas anymore? What if I'm a hack who spends the next 50 years hopelessly writing script after script and throwing it into the blackhole of Hollywood while people just shake their heads and walk away?

What if all this neurosis causes a panic attack and I die right here on my couch and the cat eats my fingers while thanks to his new habit of peeing the dining room nobody notices the smell of my rotting copase'/B2gweDScccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc