Monday, November 26, 2007

добро пожаловать, Россия

First of all, hi Russia!

Yesterday I had 134 individual hits, which is on par for a Sunday.

This morning I casually checked my statcounter and bam! 1,423 before noon. Well holy nesting dolls, Batman.

That would be Russia. My post about the picture of the girl who's not me has gone around the block a few times in the old country, probably just like that girl.

Oh! Zinger! You can't expect me not to make that joke.

I've been having a difficult couple of days, so thanks go out to all my Russian fans for saying nice things about me.

I mean, I think they're nice things. Most of them are in Russian.

Babelfish is not much help. It gave me this: "Emily, in you the theme of sisek is not opened, give already reveal!"

Is that a request for nudie pics or emotional revelations?

No on the nudie pics by the way.

In the meantime I'm exhausted. I'm barely holding it together and as soon as the bell rings I'm driving home and collapsing into bed. I couldn't sleep last night because the guys who robbed me have my keys and my address and every ten minutes I thought I heard them unlocking my door. I have a chain on the door. Did I think to use it? No. Just like that time in Ireland when a guy mugged me and I forgot I had pepper spray.

There are cameras all over my building including one on my door so hopefully that will dissuade them. I also think they were just after the money since they ditched my friend's wallet in a driveway. But between my paranoia and my throbbing knee I spent the whole night tossing over. Even my usual thinking about zombies didn't help. That always helps.

Yes, I think about zombies to sleep. Sometimes when I'm anxious I say "zombies!" and that helps me calm down. Because, you know, zombies are soothing.

I need to go to the DMV. I need to file a police report. I need to buy groceries but I have $17 in my account because somebody stole my cell phone and I had to replace it by using this week's grocery money. Food or cell phone? I choose phone. Last night's dinner was an apple and a piece of pecan pie.


I subscribe to Maggie's Pie Makes Everything Better theory.

But now I'm out of pie. I think dinner tonight is going to be elbow macaroni and butter.

The kids have all offered me their extra free lunch tickets to help feed me. They're adorable. They were so mad at those guys who robbed me they didn't even complain when I handed them massive literary tomes they have two weeks to read. It probably helps that I also gave them candy canes.


  1. That's awesome of your students. At least not all people are rotten, and sometimes people surprise the hell out of you.


  2. I agree with Matt's comment because he is wise.

    Also, not that this is much consolation, but I'm sure these kids were just after a quick score and probably tossed the ID and keys the first chance they got.

    Still--sucky, sucky, sucky. The closest I've come to something like this is a combination of my fiancee's car getting stolen and when a big, muscle-y thief tried to steal from a Hollywood Video I worked at and I unwisely attempted to stop him.

  3. I hardly chime in here, though I'm a fairly frequent reader, but this blows. My heart goes out to you. I hope everything works out for you.

  4. Anonymous12:04 AM

    You are wonderfull!!!

  5. Anonymous3:12 AM

    hello, i've read, that you are very popular around russian guys. it's cool, but if you want to obtain more popularity, you should show poeple your SISKI.

  6. превед, Эмили ;)
    только мы всё-таки предпочитаем ЖЖ

    "In you the theme of sisek is not opened" in russian literally means the appeal to show topless photo. But do not understand this in a strict sense, because in web slang it's more like expression of regret that "some parts" of your (or according to context - that girl's) we are not allowed to see)))

  7. bazil_t4:53 AM

    doh! siskis' theme is closed :(

  8. Anonymous5:04 AM

    Don't sppel my dear ))

    Hello from Russia

    Я говорю мир дружба жвачка )

  9. hi
    i am one of the "crazy russians", who got to your blog :)
    the thing is a guy who's rather famous in russian blogs posted a link to your blog with that picture of a pretty blonde with a banner (i dunno what do you call the thing she's showin')
    everyone thinks it's you sooo

    the "revelation" thing is kinda joke in our blogs - says "show us your boobs" )
    cause if you post a naked picture (supposedly of yourself - you get much attention in blogs, ours at least)
    but sure it's more like "i think you're sexy and stuff"

    who did rob you? students?

  10. walex_6:20 AM

    "Russians are not coming...
    They're already here"

    (c)World in Conflict
    PC Game

  11. Anonymous7:08 AM

    Hi there!

    Thanks for warm welcome to Russians.
    As I learned you're in a strait. Is there any way to send a couple of bucks to you?


  12. The topic of boobs is getting old.
    Don't feed the animals, Emily.

  13. Hey, Em, please, for MY peace of mind - get the locks CHANGED. While what Josh said may be true, it's also not unheard of for thieves to use the ID and keys for either a follow-up robbery, a little sexual assault, or a little of both.

    I used to wonder if I was paranoid. Now I wonder if I'm paranoid enough.

  14. Anonymous7:36 AM

    Emily, I think you felt the power of
    We are unbeaten!

  15. Anonymous7:40 AM

    Hi, Emeli it means in russion,

    that they did not see enough your nacked pictures.
    it sounds like:
    "the breast subject was not fully described"

  16. If I was in LA I would offer to buy you dinner, or at least another pie. Keep up the good fight, and get your landlord to change the locks on your door.

  17. Interesting.

    Thanks for the supportive comments.

    No I will not show you my boobs.

  18. the boobs thing is not literal )

  19. Anonymous8:26 AM

    but why?

  20. dr_eburg10:48 AM

    Well, I've got just two words for you, chica: learn Albanian.

  21. Hi Emily,

    Yet another Russian fan calling from Finland :-)

    Felt real sorry to learn that you were robbed and stuck with no money. Would gladly help you. How can I send you some nickels?


  22. Anonymous11:05 AM

    Hi Emili!
    You so beauty!

  23. Hi there! Don't bother about those who are constantly occupied by the theme of your breast. Actually, the phrase itself is an idiom with a message kinda like "I understand what are you saying to me, but I care about frapping much more". It's a plain joke. :)

    And, btw, I'm not russian but married on a french teacher =)

    Good luck with kids :)

  24. I'd suggest putting a Paypal donate button in your post - quite sure you'll get enough for a cell phone and groceries combined. Good luck :)

  25. Anonymous10:31 AM

    Hi Эмили
    I teach English in Scool , 5 year
    I teach English in institute , 5 year
    I very bad know English ,Sorry :(

    Please write blogs on Russian language
    Russian language very hard
    Memory not be enough on English


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